Cycle between relapses

Hey comrade, seems like you're having a rough time, good job on asking for help.

Try to recall for yourself why you started browsing this site, why you want to quit porn.
Try to remember what porn does to you, how it damages you, how it serves as a roadblock in your life.
Try to remember how you feel after relapsing, the emptiness, the loneliness, the sadness.

Take all of these feelings, write them down if you have to, and let them fuel your motivation.
Remember that you are master over what things you permit in your life, you have the power to choose what things to accept and what things to deny.

Do you want to be a slave to your own desires? or do you want to be master over them?
I think you know the answer to that one.

After you relapse, try to identify your triggers, ask yourself these questions:
What was I doing before I relapsed?
How did I feel?
Where was I when the urge hit me?
What was I thinking about?

Then after you've identified a specific situation that triggers you, try to avoid it by doing different things.
For example:

When I feel lonely I will visit friends or family.
When I feel bored I will go take care of an errand.
When I feel depressed I will try to encourage other people on NoFap, you'd be surprised how much this one helps.

Etc, try to be creative when thinking about these counters, don't be afraid to put yourself out of your comfort zone, they are the first steps in re-wiring your brain.

If you know a close friend or family member that might be understanding to your situation, seriously consider telling him/her about your struggles, a real life accountability partner is invaluable.
Talk with that person, visit that person when you feel weak, let that person help you.

Also, read about other people's success stories, look at what they gained in their lives by abstaining from porn, if they can achieve these things, so can you.

Because you CAN do this; just like everyone else here, you WANT to stop, so you CAN stop.
The longer you hold out, the easier it will become, just hang in there, and reap the benefits.

I wish you all the success in your journey.

"Suffer today, Rejoice tommorow."

 

Its a good thing you see the positives in yourself, a good self-image is important for your recovery.
Keep those positive aspects about yourself well and clear in your mind during your reboot, and think about how much better you could perform at them without porn hindering you all the time.

Here's where you need to be careful:
As you've probably noticed already, your addicted mind often tries to trick you into doing things that may lead you to relapsing.
These can be very obvious things such as:

"I can handle relapsing, I'll just get right up afterwards."
"I'm doomed to failing anyway, so I might as well enjoy myself."

But as you go further into your reboot you will notice these will get more subtle, sometimes even obscure:

"A few soft pictures won't hurt, I can handle that."
"I just want to look at some photo's of women, nothing more."
"It won't affect me, just 1 peek can't hurt."
"You-tube doesn't host porn right? Lets take a look and see if it does."
"Oh I need to visit this site that I blocked in my filter to see if it works."
"Oh I remember I still have e-mails with P content in my In-box that I need to delete."

Do NOT let it fool you, you are addicted, your mind is looking for only one thing, porn, and it will try everything in its power to lead you to it.

Another important thing is to not be too harsh on yourself in your thinking.
It is one the hardest things to control, I know, but beating yourself up mercilessly after you relapse only makes it harder to break the cycle.
I'm not sure if this is the case for you, but this can even happen on a subconscious level.
You've mentioned you used a "do-or-die" attitude in one of your previous attempts, "When I masturbate, I will forever be doomed to a life of mediocrity".
Be careful with this way of thinking, it might work for some, but you might end driving yourself further into the ground when things go south, leaving you less motivated then when you started.

"Your addiction is like a big dog that has never been trained so it misbehaves and destroys the house. Is it the dogs fault? No. He's doing what feels natural. He wants love and attention but acts out when he doesn't get it."

The dog mentioned here isn't going to improve if you beat it up every-time it misbehaves, It needs love and care and the right food to be able to recover.
The same goes for your addiction, it is part of you so you cant mistreat it, feed it with new healthy things that replace porn.
Of-course you still need to be strict with it, but don't make the mistake of antagonizing it too extremely, as it is still a part of you.

There is no set right mindset for rebooting, everyone does it in their own way and with their own parameters so the amount of days is entirely up to you.
If you feel like 7 days is already a huge challenge, don't worry too much about it, just start going and, who knows, it might turn out better then you initially thought, and you might even go for 14 days after that.
Take it one step at a time, at a tempo that you think works for you, do not compare yourself to others, everyone has their own path.

 

Have tried using an AP? No need to answer. But there may be a connection.

 

I would like to add a point from a woman's perspective. In the past I used a lot of other things to get away from various discomforts in life. I can look back and clearly see how I used various tools as painkillers when things got bad in life.

I think that porn is a very pleasant and effective distraction, which I still use to numb some other aspects of my life to this day. I may do it unconsciously because thinking hard about uncomfortable things and solving them is, well - uncomfortable!). But I've come a long way in identifying the roots of my unhappiness since my teenage and early 20's. I used to smoke like a chimney and now I can allow myself to smoke on a weekend and not even think about it during the week or a month, until I feel like it again... And that's OK, 1 drink and 1 cigarette is not going to kill me. I believe it would be impossible unless I looked hard and deep into the reasons why I wanted to hurt myself in the past by smoking every day. It was extremely painful and stemmed from childhood..

So my conclusion is: porn, just like any other addiction, is a numbing mechanism. I don't know what's happening to your life, or inside your head, only you can know. I would recommend focusing your attention within and find out if you are truly accepting and loving of yourself. Maybe there are some other areas of your life that are unbalanced.

For me, I personally relapse when I have doubts of my own sexuality, past, childhood traumas etc. My root cause is shame. Some sort of acceptance is probably past due and I must work on it. It most certainly never seems that way on the surface. In my mind I'm just trying to have some fun and spice things up! For you it may be different. All I know is it's a constant work in progress.

Lastly, please remember - porn is not heroine. It will not kill you... It's just a habit OF CHOICE. Instead of exerting all this energy into FIGHTING it, try being alone in nature to get a grip on your thoughts. Write them down.. Read a few self improvement books. I'm sure if anything you'll benefit from fresh air

Best wishes.

 

AP stands for Accountability Partner.
Take a look at the Glossary if you're wondering about any of the abbreviations.