Yuck

Siloam Levi · Jun 22, 2014

I thought I'd put a catchy title on this thread to hook a few more opinions.

A few questions if you please... What will my next g/f think when I admit to being addicted to porn - and not just any porn? How do "normal" women who don't masturbate or look at porn react when they hear about C/Ss [NSFW](cumshots)[/NSFW] and T/Js [NSFW](titjobs)[/NSFW] and the thousands of other bizarre fetishes that we people get into? How do you break the truth to someone gently about such a difficult topic?

Also, does anyone agree that discontinuing to masturbate is really hard at first and that relapse is common, no matter how fanatically religious we may be. I know the answer is yes but I need to hear it from others too. When I first tried to quit drinking some months ago I would have these moments where it seemed like the only option (and the best idea) just to go back to it. I feel that the only answer is to keep hanging around these forums and maintain my die-hard attitude.

Hero One · Jun 22, 2014

I'd like to think that your next girlfriend would be supportive of the fact you're actually taking steps to break your addiction to porn. It takes a lot to admit it, and even more to be actively breaking the cycle. You don't have to dive into all the details of your habit, especially as you're doing everything you can to stop it.

Quitting masturbation is extremely hard. It is so easy to relapse, because it's so easy to do - effortless really - and gives an extremely strong 'good feeling' hit. Be under no illusion about how hard it is, however great your reason for quitting, or however strong your willpower. It will take a lot of effort.

But we're all here to support each other. It can be beaten.

Siloam Levi · Jun 22, 2014

Agree to all points.

Obviously knowledge is what we need most at first, even above and beyond willpower, as when we're in the depths of fornication and PMO we don't have any real idea of what kind of damage we're doing. So I've set myself the project of fourteen days of hard chastity and I've excused myself from Facebook for this period of time, since if I don't have some significant length of NoFap recovery then there is no significance or bearing to what I say or do in repairing damaged relationships and all my efforts are in vain.

Yes the addiction can be beaten, and it is extremely difficult but not impossible. Every hour and minute of dedicated recovery is priceless.

By the way, I'm jealous of your two days ahead of mine

Nate007 · Jun 22, 2014

relapse with regards to masturbation is very common, very few people can go all the way on their first try. as for the gf, i hope you find someone who is supportive, because no matter how you cut the cake it is a brutally hard topic to talk about with someone you love. having said that i think that being honest could really deepen a relationship.

Ekhangel · Jun 22, 2014

Quitting masturbation is extremely hard. It is so easy to relapse, because it's so easy to do - effortless really - and gives an extremely strong 'good feeling' hit. Be under no illusion about how hard it is, however great your reason for quitting, or however strong your willpower. It will take a lot of effort.
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I dunno, man. For me it was pretty easy once I realized that it's either me or porn - someone has to fail eventually. I had my moments of struggle, but it was nothing very severe or difficult to overcome. You just have to keep reminding yourself that each relapse is a step backwards on your exploration journey, and you have to awaken in yourself the passion for exploring.

So, even though I've been PMO-ing daily for at least 7 years, I didn't find it very difficult to quit. I'm not saying it's the same way for everyone. But I'm saying that you at least have to give it a try to see for yourself, because sometimes the fear of doing something is actually more difficult to cope with than the deed itself.

e5s · Jun 22, 2014

Hi SL. To address your initial questions,

1. Why would you need to go into so much detail? You could just say that you were addicted to porn, and you don't like that about your history, and you reject it, and that's that. You tailor your level of disclosure to the level of interest the person has in hearing more.

2. I doubt that you'll find a woman who has never heard of these things. Most women don't watch porn, but they do know that weird stuff is out there. Remember, women gossip and read (don't ask, they won't tell). So, unless you're afflicted with a stubborn desire for [NSFW]pedo, animals or scat,[/NSFW] it really shouldn't be a deal-breaker.

3. How you broach the topic really depends on what your goals are. Do you want her to help you remain pure? Do you need certainty that she can accept you for who you are, with all your flaws? Do you want her to consider indulging you in some of these weird things, perhaps after marriage? Or do you want her to refrain from accidentally triggering you with sexual suggestions? Whenever something is difficult to talk about, think about WHY you're bringing it up before you start the conversation, and let that guide you.

So. Yeah, people vary a lot in their ability to handle addictions. Some people struggle mightily, others seem to be able to go cold turkey and their stubbornness is stronger than withdrawals. Making changes to your environment can help if you feel weak. Put the temptations far away and the healthy stuff close at hand. Forgive yourself, but don't make excuses. Do whatever it takes to build the life you want.

Siloam Levi · Jun 23, 2014

Thanks gents, your support is keeping me going. Hero One I read your journal and I think you've taken the right tack as far as nailing the addiction goes.

I hinted to M (the potential g/f) in a roundabout way that I had a porn problem. This was back in 2012; what I actually posted on FB for her to read was the hilarious story of this guy we knew back in Year 12 who had gigabytes of porn on his hard drive and who used to masturbate in the toilets at school. To my surprise he found a girlfriend and went NoFap for 1+ month on his own initiative. I said (to M), "I couldn't do that back then, you see."

What's the moral of this short story? That interacting with women socially can actually be much more effective for one's NoFap efforts than remaining single and self-centred. The first time I got a g/f, at age fifteen, I went NoFap for two weeks and it changed my life. Also, Ekhangel, being enthusiastic about it seems to make things vastly easier. "Zeal" is the word I'm looking for. One should be zealous for the glory of success.

Ah, but things are such a mess between me and M... She's so shy that she blocked me on Facebook, I think she's just embarrassed that I wanted to look at her profile after being uncontactable for two years while I was carrying out the last agonies of my drug addiction. I don't know what I'm going to say when I see her in town, I know she likes me (unless that great big "I LOVE YOU" note was actually intended for someone else) but I just can't picture things working out right now.

She's Polish-Australian and I'm Greek-Australian, so there's obviously some complicated racially-based dynamic going on there behind the scenes in addition to everything else.

e5s, regarding your responses to my initial questions:

1. I feel that the best way to get the utmost security in my NoFap program and to prevent a relapse is to be as open and honest as possible. Yeah the level of detail I actually need to go into is open to debate. She might be shocked, or... she might think it's wildly funny. I can't tell as yet, I don't know her that well.
2. LOL no, it's always just been wimpy stuff like C/S and T/Js (and H/Js). I don't want to bring these perverted vices into a serious relationship though... see point 1.
3. As well as securing chastity for myself, I want her to appreciate the benefits of it, and we know that it has unlimited benefits for us when we take it seriously. My intuition and limited experience tell me that the best way to make the benefits appreciable and desirable by all is to set a good example.

Any other thoughts on this matter, this topic is wide open for discussion.

aus923 · Jun 23, 2014

I haven't been able to last for more than two or three days for a long time. I often forget to reset my counter. I'm fairly new here and I thought this site might give me the inspiration to do better. I know one thing. I have quit other bad habits. a lot of them involve relapsing, sometimes after years. It doesn't matter though. The more I try to quit the more likely I am to get it at some point. Even porn, I've done it before so I know I can. In my mid twenties I often went for very long periods without. Then I got regular access to the internet, and then high speed internet. Quitting is ever never a one time thing. Don't give up.

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