Sleep during reboot

In the early days of my reboot, I didn't have any difference in my sleep pattern. However, once the reboot started to work I had a few days of restless.

Specifically, first 20-30 days, I had no strong urges, and no trouble sleeping. At day 45 or so, I had incredibly hard urges, random erections, and blue balls (soreness for days). Once that kicked in, I had restless sleep, and dreams I was watching porn, or having sex (with morning erections).

I think it will depend on how bad down the trail of chronic use of PMO you were. Many of us, had gone and maintained depletion for years. It was a comfort behavior and not just an occasional release. For us, the reboot is dealing with cravings and 'fullness' that we haven't seen in long time.

It does pass though. Without me having to do anything the blue balls that lasted several days and returned a week later, faded on its own. The restlessness was only a single night or so. I also had a day where I felt low for no reason (just plain sad). It passed the next day.

From what I understand, all of this is normal as your body is adjusting to new stresses. It passes. What is harder (and I'm dealing with now), is that I made it to day 56, and then relapsed/reset. I'm back on my reboot, and I'm seeing progress come quicker instead of taking weeks like before. But there are days, where even if I don't have urges, I just 'miss' PMO. It really is like ending a relationship. You're breaking up with porn.

I do want to offer this though. It's totally worth it. I'm learning things about my body at 40+ that I never knew. It's changing how I feel when I with my GF. It's making the release so much deeper. In short, this works. I went from having mild-ED to not having an issue. I feel like my delayed ejaculation is well on it's way out as well.

 

Honestly when I started my reboot, I was knocking the fuxk out. I still am. But everyone, EVERYONE is different.

 

I know what you mean. The tired, but still exhausted wakefulness, where you would normally seek a release before going to sleep. (It won't be easy, but there are ways).

(This will be a little longer post..... but here is what helps me most).

(As a disclaimer, if you do read my journal, I have to admit even I had a reset after 56 days on a streak, I'm 4 days in a streak now. So what I write isn't about me being perfect in any way)

Three (and half) things. (Two are directly about sleep, and the other is just about fighting urges in general)

One, you can practice meditation before sleep or in the morning. I practice 'mindfullness' meditation. (It's not based on spirituality), but I feel rested and focused if I do this in the morning. I've heard it can have positive results if you do it before bed. I use a commercial service where I have 10 minutes sessions (it's on 'headspace'), but there are plenty free 'mindfullness' meditations out there to where you don't have to spend money.

I will sound like a broken record, but so much of my life changed when I committed myself to fitness. A workout and some cardio helps build up that sleep deficit, so that I'm not wound up at night. I find this is by far my best way for directly combating urges. I just don't feel so strong about it when I've had a complete work out.

Get a goal, and concrete reason, and a immediately achievable result you are working on. When urges did get hard, I said. This is my goal, I will not fail. A good goal will have a reason you believe in, and a achievable result. In my case, I wanted to fix mild-ED issues, and overcome lifelong delayed ejaculation to honor and respect what a wonderful woman my GF is (and because I want to live better). My goal is that she is leaving to a new military post by July. I want to be able to have her 'take control' and bring me off. I want to be able to submit to show her how sexy and totally amazing she is. I want to do that to learn the right way to have a sexual relationship. I tell myself, I will not fail. I will do this. With this, I have a clock attached to my goal and my reboot (before July). She is my reason and I am my reason.

(The half thing now)...... Delay your impulse. There is a wonderful chant I found in someone's signature. I've used it and it works.

Just 10 more seconds, and I can wait a minute
Just one more minute, and I can wait an hour
If I can wait an hour, why not a day
If I can wait a day, why not a week
If I can wait a week, why not a month
If I can wait a month, why not a year
If I can wait a year, why ever do this again
Just 10 more seconds, and I can be free for ever.

This mantra is an important idea of delaying your impulse. Don't give in immediately. You don't fight your brain, by saying 'no', you say 'not right now'. This helps the immediacy pass, and allows you to maintain control. Ultimately, you will learn what is a 'needful' impulse, and what is just a comfort impulse. Don't give into comfort impulses, but learn (usually after reboot) healthy ways to address needful impulses, with actual sex with a partner, or healthy (non porn, non-binge) masturbation. It just starts first by delaying responding to the need. True needs stay and grow, comfort impulses just blink in and out. It's how you learn to moderate (assuming you can learn). (During your reboot, assume all needs are comfort, and don't give in even if they grow. You can get back to them in the 90 days, once you've learned what is 'natural' vs just a nature of your craving for porn.)

The reason I consider delay a half thing, even though it's most important, is that it is that mantra for delay, and the reminder of why I'm doing this, and when/what I want to accomplish that lets me mentally combat urges. I say, I will not give in. I am going to make this happen. Not right now (I will have pleasure again, but only once I learn how to be healthy with it).

In summary, find your fire, find your stone wall, find your strength. Draw the line and say 'no farther'. You can do this. Once you have, help yourself by getting active. (all reboot related discomfort passes).

I will offer this as a testimony. At 56 days, I had my first release where she was able to finish me. My erectile dysfunction was completely gone. And even though I have delayed ejaculation, I had a session that was on 30 minutes, instead of 60+. While I had to get to the point during intercourse where I knew I could release. I withdrew, and she did the final finish. (This was the first time in my life). Even after I relapsed after that, the session I had was mind blowing (and was done without porn). In short, being 42 years old, and a lifetime of mediocre sex, and even getting to where PMO bored me, just 56 days, and I had major break through. I have much still to work on, but I am so very confident that this process works, and bear witness to it.

Hope this help.

 

I guess one more thing. Since you are going strong, I don't want to bring this up to allow you to rationalize weakness. But I don't want you to hit your wall, and possibly feel broken...

(Not everyone hits a point where they can't deal, some are ready for change, and have their priorities and support mechanisms in place, where they can simply say 'never again' and mean it. So don't take what I'm about to say as an excuse or rationalization for giving in).

NoFap reboots aren't all or nothing journeys. It's not meant to make you averse to sex, nor increase any thoughts of worthlessness. Stay strong, every day you delay, and stay on the reboot path is one where healing is going on. (However, if you do find that you hit a wall, and just can't take it at all.) The do try to use masturbation (without porn). If you can't, and end up in a porn session, own it, but don't feel dis-empowered, or broken. Just try to limit your session so you aren't in a binge (try to make it as short as possible, with perhaps only one release, and not hours, or multiple times). Part of your reboot is finding your 'natural' sexual needs. So even if you give in, you aren't necessarily just catering to your addiction. If you find that moment comes for you, do not fill yourself with disgust, and thoughts of worthlessness. Celebrate how far you got. Take a moment to look at what you think might have triggered and lead you to the reset. Then simply start your reboot day count back to 0. Try not to make a habit out of this, but you haven't failed. Try to go farther next time, and try different ideas on how to cope. In short, don't let NoFap reboot be a thing that breaks you. Use it as a thing to strengthen you, and train you to better ways to prioritize.

Again, I sincerely want to support you so that you don't hit that point. But if you do, keep talking with your brothers and sisters here. Let them cheer you on. Let us help provide perspective. Don't loose your goal. Every day you try, is a day you are traveling closer to it.