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Fresh start

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by angelina, Mar 18, 2017.

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  1. angelina

    angelina Fapstronaut

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    Hi my names Angelina and I decided to finally make an account. I've been on my journey since the beginning of this year, and had relapsed so many times. I'm currently on day 3 of my new streak and hope that I make it to a minimum of 90 days this time. A little bit about me, I'm 17 years old. I've been masturbating since around 5 or 6. I know I was very young (still am). I started watching porn at 11. Ever since then, I have masturbated almost every single night. Sometimes up to 4 times in a row which left me feeling drained. The main reasons why I'm on nofap are because I want to be less anxious, have a clearer mind, have more willpower, and gain confidence. I don't know if I'll stop masturbating for forever, or after my 90 days I'll do it in moderation, but my goal for right now is to do a minimum of 90 days and to never use porn ever again.
     
  2. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    Welcome Angelina!

    Sorry to hear you have been having such a rough time with resets. You can do this though.

    First, it's important to me to say that you are not unique or ill for being that involved in sex at the young age you were. I was involved in masturbation even that young as well. Many here had a strong desire towards sex going that far back. In short, you are not alone. You should never receive judgement for anything you say here (can't promise it will never happen, but there is far more good than bad here). But for now, rest assured that nothing you have done up to this point has been wrong, ill, or unusual. You are not broken.

    I'm glad to see that you already have a clear goal in mind, and already know what you want to achieve.

    What have you tried to address your reboot and the resets?
     
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  3. angelina

    angelina Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for replying and reassuring that I'm not ill and alone. For my reboot I just try to keep my mind off of it. In the last couple of days it's been really easy because I'm not thinking about it too much. I've also been keeping myself busy. I'm trying to get into doing more stuff. It does get hard during certain times of the month though. As for as my resets, I just don't do anything. After a reset I just tell myself that I won't be doing this anymore and that the next day is a fresh start.

    How long have you been on NoFap?
     
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  4. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    I have been doing noFap for 64 days. I reset on day 56.

    I can tell you that before my reset, I saw an amazing amount of changes happening. If you are curious, I can tell you more. However, I'm a guy, and much older than you. My path won't be exactly the same as yours. (There are many similarities in men and women on the reboot, but there are also differences). In any case, a reboot is something that each person has to discover for themselves. Still I'm more than willing to discuss my path with you.

    Keeping yourself busy is a good way to combat things. But you will need to aim for more structured ideas of 'busy', because you get tired or the reboot starts getting old, it's better to have an established pattern.

    Not thinking about it is also a great way to deal with things. However, I would encourage you to take up some 'mindfulness' meditation. (It's not spiritual). It just allows you to learn how to recognize what your feel, and all yourself to have thoughts without getting lost in them. I do this now 10 minutes a day. It helps me feel focused.

    When you reset, you will want to think back to 'why', and 'how' you ended up resetting. For me it's a matter of boredom, and not having anything scheduled to go hang out with friends. When this happens, finding what leads you to reset is good. It helps you recognize it for the next time.

    (By the way, a reboot is trying to help you get back to a natural sexual libido. It's important to know that sex is fun, sex is happy, sex is healthy, and sex can connect us to people). If you find after doing your reboot, that you have feelings of 'mindfulness', you will be able to explore how to satisfy that. Even masturbation may be a healthy way for you do this (without porn, and without a binge). In short, if you can find that you go a certain amount of time, before you feel your needs, then you will be able to learn healthy ways to handle this. NoFap doesn't mean you have to give any of that up if you don't want to. It's just an exercise to help you get to a place where you feel in control, and clear minded without outside influences. The point is that not all resets happen because you are addicted. Some just because it's closer to your natural sexual clock and needs. (However, do the reboot, and then you can be sure what is your 'clock' versus what is 'unhealthy comfort habit'.)
     
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  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

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  6. angelina

    angelina Fapstronaut

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    Okay tell me more about your journey.

    And I'm starting the mindfulness meditation tonight before bed. When I reset it's because either I just have the opportunity (home alone), I'm bored, or my urges just take over.

    What do you do when you have really strong urges?
     
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  7. angelina

    angelina Fapstronaut

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    Thank you that was very helpful.
     
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  8. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    My journey is a long one. There is alot to the story. But I'm 42 year old guy. I had mild-erectile dysfunction in the past couple of years. I also had life long 'delayed ejaculation' which means that it takes 40-60 minutes to get release, and only if I was the one pushing for it. I had never been able to achieve release by being 'taken' manually or orally from any partner. I've tried alot, and currently seperated going through a divorce. (Another longer story). I wanted to learn to be better for myself, and because I have a new GF that I wanted to celebrate. I want to make her the one, to show her how much I care. (Partners can be very hurt feeling wise by people with delayed ejaculation. They want to have the excitement of taking you. They want to feel like they are sexy enough and powerful enough. When you have DE, they feel like they do something wrong. It can also be less exciting for them because every session requires so much time and effort).

    (Warning possible triggers)
    I did have a reset last week. It came after one of my greatest successes. So nothing I've told you is anything about me being perfect, or knowing all the answers. However, I can tell you that after decades of chronic PMO, just 45+ days, and I didn't have any erectile dysfunction anymore. My last session before the reset, I was able to become rigid enough that she was able to start by being on top for the first time. During that session, I was able to seek release inside of 30 minutes (instead of the normal hour plus). I was also able to withdraw at the last moment, and have her finish me (the first time in my life). In short, in almost 2 months, I was able to nearly undo a lifetime of issues.

    (What do I do when the urges are strongest? I'm going to copy and past from someone else I answered the same question too).

    The biggest help to fight urges I have had is working on fitness, and socializing with friends. The idea is to fill the time you used to use for masturbation with something new so you aren't bored. I do this by working out in the gym, running or walking. I feel alot less needy after I lift something heavy. Getting out socializing with friends allows me to leave my urges behind for awhile and laugh and enjoy life. These are my two best ways.

    I also do 'mindfulness' meditations. It's not spiritual. It just allows me to be aware of my feelings and learn how to have different thoughts without getting lost in them. I do this 10 minutes a day, and it leaves me focused.

    I have a goal and a reason why I'm doing NoFap. I know what I want to accomplish. I had mild-erectile dysfunction, and had issues getting aroused during intercourse with a partner. This is more of recent development in the last few years. I also have had lifelong 'delayed ejaculation'. This means that it can take 60minutes or more to achieve a release. It also means that I have never had a release that I didn't control by 'pushing' for it (or being the driver). It can be hard on the feelings of a partner. They want to have the excitement of 'taking' you. In this I have the goal of being able to learn to let go and have my GF take control and bring my release by her manually or orally finishing me. She is leaving for a different military post in July so I have a clock on my goal. When the urges hit hardest, I remind myself of my goal, and focus on her. (I say I will honor her. I will do this for myself to have the kind of fulfilling sex I want. I will allow her to be the one to make it happen.) I also practice 'delaying gratification'. I tell myself not 'no', but 'not right now'. If you can delay responding to an impulse to do something, it can help you clarify 'needful' impulses, vs 'comfort impulses'. If I can delay an hour, a day, a week, then I know that what I wanted wasn't a true impulse. Needful impulse stay and grow. I will allow myself healthy ways to address needful impulses through masturbation without porn (or more likely just intercourse with my GF).

    Beyond that, many have found different ways to address urges. I find coming to NoFap and writing (sometime way to long posts) helps keep my mind busy so I don't worry about urges. You can find a hobby or something you find is rewarding and engaging. Let it fill the time you used for masturbation/porn.


    Hope this helps you. I know its alot to read. But keep the questions coming.
     
  9. angelina

    angelina Fapstronaut

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    Wow congratulations on your progress!

    That's amazing and I hope that before your new girlfriend goes away to a different military post that you guys have the experience your hoping for. I'm rooting for you!
     
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