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Cybersex Addiction - will I ever recover?

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Nooneknows2003, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. Nooneknows2003

    Nooneknows2003 Fapstronaut

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    Hi - this is my first ever post on here so I apologise if I am going over familiar ground for you all but I desperately need some advice.

    I am due to get married to be stunning (honestly) gf in a few months and I couldn't love her more. Only problem is that over the last year or so I have completely lost the urge to have sex with her and can only do so maybe once every 2 weeks but then have to almost force myself. ED is a real problem. This is terrifying to me, chiefly because with previous partners I have been insatiable and often been pestering them for sex as long as often as I could.

    Related to this I am almost certain I am addicted to cybersex - going on chat rooms and creating fake profiles on Tinder, Badoo etc and engaging with random women for text sex, phone sex and ultimately cam sex. I have never met any of these women and often find myself doing it and being aroused by women I would never find attractive. This has been going on for all of my adult life (since 17, I'm now 33) although over recent years it has definitely increased with the availability of such sites, things like whatsapp and smartphones etc.

    However, because I had always been able to maintain a healthy sex life with previous partners I am now wrestling with the thought - am I simply not sexually attracted to my gf any more (which really upsets me) or has my brain been affected by the long term cybersex and is now wired to only want new, different and impulsive things? (Which I would actually prefer to be the case as I can try and fix the problem). Has my libido gone in real life just because of lack of feeling or because of the cyber?

    I just don't know if I will ever recover from this. Has anyone recovered from this situation and now has a healthy real life sex life again? Is it even possible?

    Thanks so much for reading and I'd be immensely grateful for your comments, advice and support.
     
  2. minionnomore

    minionnomore Fapstronaut

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    Hey dude I just read your post and it looks like you're going through a lot of sh*t right now.I hope things turn out well for you.The ED maybe caused by you jerking off to the computer or smartphone.It is due to how our brain works and if we keep on having cybersex your brain will be programmed only to be aroused by that.

    But don't worry according to neuro-plasticity your brain can change if you just remove it from your life.So I'd say no porn no cybersex.Just give your brain some time it will get back to normal.And the reason you don't have intrest in your gf is coolidge effect.The thing is if you encounter a new girl your dopamine levels will be higher.The amount of girls you met cybersex caused this.Don't worry it can be cure just stay away from porn cybersex forever and u will be a happy man.Trust me

    I wish you the best of luck!:)
     
  3. Nooneknows2003

    Nooneknows2003 Fapstronaut

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  4. Nooneknows2003

    Nooneknows2003 Fapstronaut

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    Hi minionnomore thanks so much for your comment I really appreciate it.

    I suppose that I'm just concerned that I used to be able to have rewarding sex with previous partners while still indulging in cyber, so my worry is that I'm actually not attracted to my current gf in quite the way I should be. The alternative (which I'm hoping is the case) is just that it has taken this long for my brain to really get messed up and that I'd be suffering this with anyone, even the woman I love. It's just so hard to tell what the real truth is when your brain is so mixed up.
     
  5. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    How serious are you about kicking the habit/addiction altogether? Serious enough to take your polluted cell phone and laptop out the back and giving them a ceremonial burning? This thing will just eat up years of your life if you let it.
     
  6. Nooneknows2003

    Nooneknows2003 Fapstronaut

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    I'm certainly willing to do that - in all honesty I've only just realised that this really is an addiction and really is a problem. Up until now I never really thought of it doing any harm and obviously because of the associated orgasm it always felt good and something I wanted to repeat.

    I'm seriously keen to kick this habit - it's just that I've only just realised I have a problem
     
    Buzz Lightyear likes this.
  7. Buzz Lightyear

    Buzz Lightyear Fapstronaut

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    Well, in that realization, you are on your way to winning the first battle of the war [in the opinion of an ex-addict].

    The three battles
    1] Education
    2] Development
    3] Discipline

    Do the ritual, as an act of the will and to show your commitment.
     
  8. JWwantsalife

    JWwantsalife Fapstronaut

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    The first step to quitting an addiction is to realize your problems and mistakes. And I'm glad you have done that. Now your problem is also another type of porn addiction, and the effects of it are similar to almost every other type of porn addiction.

    Now it's time for you to gain more knowledge of porn reboot and start getting serious about it. And by serious I don't just mean you telling yourself that you will quit, in fact by serious you ACTUALLY have to take things seriously. Like posting a rebooting journal in your age group, sharing your daily struggles of porn with us, and actually researching to find out ways to counter it. Only by then you have succeeded at least 80%.

    Why not 100%? Well that is for you to find out where's the remaining 20% as this is very subjective. Like personally for me, my remaining 20% comes from learning from my mistakes in a few physical and emotional relapses. Everyone is different. Just take it slow. Start with the first 80% and keep going. Remember, do all this seriously if you're actually serious about having a happy relationship with your wife.

    And just a bonus tip, you will find yourself craving for much more real life sex after your reboot, so don't worry about not being attracted to your wife as of yet. Also, go for 90 days hardmode, which basically means no porn, masturbation or orgasm in the next 3 months. It is the common rebooting length and it may just be in time before your wedding.

    Good luck!
     

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