Fear I'll fall into a relapse again with rejection

I've had a string of decent good dates with a woman over the past month, and now, I believe the serious stage is creeping upon us. We're up to what would be our 3rd date, which is pending (I requested it with multiple options for the day + time) I feel I'll be at my weakest.

I really got her to open up last time, which was nearly 2 weeks ago now. If I don't capture the energy again, I feel I'll lose her.

I can feel the anxiety already, which is not helped by me being busier than usual for the next month. I have no patience with my life these days. If I lose the girl, I may feel over-swamped from having to "start all over again" with someone new.

I crave companionship.

When I don't get what I want, I fall into PMO, and then scream fuck the world all over again.

All of my friends are getting engaged, married and having babies, and my weakest area of life has always been, insecurity over rejection.

The only positive area with my attitude is that I refuse to accept the friend-zone, I never settle for less. I never allow a woman to stay in my life if she corners me as a friend and doesn't allow room for anything else.

Though my actions are usually driven by emotion over that of logic, I have a hard time expressing actual emotion and feeling to other people.

I hate hard to get women, but they provide an obstacle course that is essential to weed out weak men.

If I try deep within myself I may be able to calm my ego, but in situations like this, or at least every one in the past 18 months, I've never been able to collect my thoughts before acting, and end up worse than before.

I have my sobriety, at least...

What do I do while I wait for an answer? And what if I'm rejected?

 

Overreaction is a big deal, it's a very weak trait of mine I must remove immediately, and causes me to activate self-pity.

I hate when people cannot meet due to schedules and therefore I'm unable to express things to them.

 

Busy week.

Hoped for a date tomorrow, waited 4 days for an answer, now she's been called into work late.

I've little to no free time for the next month, which drove me crazy with sexual frustration and self-pity, as I won't have time to meet new women.

So I relapsed, even after getting up from the computer to the shower, I succumbed to my urges.

Last month, I done the same thing on March 1st, hoping for a full positive run.

I guess I'll restart tomorrow....