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23 y/o No job, no education, no friends and no girlfriend

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ElTrigly, Mar 29, 2017.

  1. ElTrigly

    ElTrigly New Fapstronaut

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    As thread name, it's all completely true. I failed my education, i can't get a job bc i have no drivers licence or experience. I am to anxious to meet up with a girl, and frankly shouldn't since i have nothing going on in my life that would bring anything to the relationship. I lost all of my friends when i fell into depression and social anxiety. I am 23 years old and sitting at my computer highlighting icons at the desktop all day long because i am so bored and restless with my life. I am on nofap and no pmo, and the effect are great, however they dont really matter when i have nothing to use them at. I could really use some helping tips, i am very sad and depressed.
     
  2. ILoathePorn

    ILoathePorn Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    It sucks that you are in this situation. One good thing that you can take away from this, is that you aren't sitting there PMOing. Congrats on that! This is a tough and difficult journey. Try not to worry about meeting a girl at this point. I know it sucks when you feel lonely. Focus on yourself and the person you want to be. Something that you could do that might help with the loneliness is you could go to a local cafe or coffee shop and just sit and observe. This can help to getting you back to feeling used to being around people. Take baby steps and don't rush it. Keep up the great work with NoFap and as your rebooting progresses, things will start to normalize. I hope this helps. Stay strong!
     
  3. ElTrigly

    ElTrigly New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your response! I actually do go out and simply just people watch, but the problem is i do not wanna go home. At home feelings comes back, and my motivation becomes so low and insignificant that i find everything pointless.. i need to make cvs and letters for school applications and stuff but i am just so unmotivated, i cant ger my self to start
     
  4. Jerome123

    Jerome123 New Fapstronaut

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    Im really sorry you feel this, espequally when you feel depressed it's like a void that pulls you deeper and deeper. Can I ask if you don't mind, was there anything that led up to you feeling this way? Or have you felt this way for a long time?
    The reality of it is I would strongly recommend that you go for some counselling. They may be able to identify the problem and help you cope with it.....
     
    GREGOR hulse, u376, Bel and 3 others like this.
  5. Jerome123

    Jerome123 New Fapstronaut

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    Im really sorry you feel this, espequally when you feel depressed it's like a void that pulls you deeper and deeper. Can I ask if you don't mind, was there anything that led up to you feeling this way? Or have you felt this way for a long time?
    The reality of it is I would strongly recommend that you go for some counselling. They may be able to identify the problem and help you cope with it.....
     
    GREGOR hulse and Deleted Account like this.
  6. ILoathePorn

    ILoathePorn Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    That sucks. If you haven't created a journal yet, I recommend doing so. Then maybe take and analyze those thoughts and feelings that you are having. Sometimes you are able to come up a realization that can help you overcome those feelings and such. Or at least maybe expressing them will help.
     
  7. Alyx87

    Alyx87 Fapstronaut

    Have you considered doing volunteering work? It could help you focus on something else other than your own situation. You might meet people who have it much worse than you and by helping them you will feel a lot better.

    Nofap is a great way to start, don't let your general depression make you second guess your choice. Stick with it and things will start to improve.

    Once you become happy again (and you will!) dating will come naturally and a relationship will follow.
     
  8. Ukulele

    Ukulele Fapstronaut

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    Hey man!

    I was in the same place as you at 23. Detto. No education, no job, no friends, no girlfriend, sitting at home clicking buttons. Now I'm 27, I have a great work, a supportive family, friends, a loving girlfriend, and a direction.

    It's doable. But as you can see, it takes time and effort. So I'd recommend starting slow. If I could go back in time, I would clear up some facts with my old self, right out of the gate. Maybe these could be beneficial for you as well.

    First, accept that you won't change by tomorrow, not next week, and probably next month(s). But you will, eventually. Accepting your current circumstances is the first step mate. You won't get a girlfriend soon, or great friends, neither a job without having qualifications. Your life will not turn around soon. A better life is not around the corner. I'm only saying this because I was there where you are, and having had unrealistic expectations which were unattainable was the number 1 reason why I was stuck in the depressive spiral for so long. Instead of aiming to jog for 1 round through the park consistently, I shooted for running a short marathon right away, without knowing how to properly run and breath. Just an example.

    Please be aware that your patterns will repeat themselves for quite a time, as in depressive thoughts, PMO, feelings of worthlessness, desperation, etc. At least they did for me. Don't be discouraged by them. Rather, prepare yourself to face them. Don't hate yourself when these things happen, because they will. Having this mindset will help you move forward with less guilt and shame. I spent a lot of time in self-hate, and that just added to my depression and destruction more.

    Now, to the actions. The steps I did first, and could work for you:
    • Starting a journal. Write down all of your thoughts, reflect on them, and connect with fellow rebooters here. You will be surprised how many are in a similar shoes as yours. That will give you a starting point. A connection with others. It will help you feel less lonely, and more accepted, understood.
    • Setting your own goals. Start small, and finish them. No matter how insignificant it is, as long as you reach it, you will have feelings of achievement. I'd recommend things you can do for/with yourself, since you have social anxiety (1 job application/2 days, 3 days no PMO, 5 minutes of walk/day, taking an interest in someone's journal here, etc.). When your critic inside says that's not much compared to superachievers, remind yourself that it means the world for your yesterday self, who did nothing.

    You have come here, and asked for help. That's a huge step mate. Give yourself credit for that. Kudos! Take time to reflect on everyone's advices here, and when you feel ready, take the next steps. Start out small, and simple. And don't be discouraged when you fall back into old habits. It's normal.

    I hope it helps. All the best mate!
    Salt
     
  9. Harry91

    Harry91 Fapstronaut

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    @Jukakem thanks for sharing. An honest and hard realisation to come to and air on a forum. It doesn't always have to be that way and you can change it.

    My message to you is Patience & Positivity... create the life you want one step at a time.

    I'm sorry to hear you're going through a depression, but know there is hope and you will come out the other side. As hard as it is try and exercise on a daily basis it releases natural endorphins it will bring you clarity and improve well being both physically and mentally. This can be either at a gym but if finances are an issue due to current unemployment then choose running or interval training / circuit training. If you can get comfortable running you could join a running club. Try and get into nutrition/cooking it's satisfying and helps with physical/mental.

    @Alyx87 makes a great point in volunteering. It has plenty of benefits, it makes you more employable, meet people and can make a difference to a cause or charity you care about.

    With friends, loneliness is difficult and being alone you can tell yourself negative thoughts or feel deserted. If you had friends before maybe you could try contact them or this can happen in time after you feel better in yourself.

    No PMO is a great self improvement catalyst and well done for taking the leap. I'm a firm believer in to beat this addiction other habits need to replace it and have a balanced life otherwise it's just abstaining and eventually fall back into same ways.

    @Tekkadan makes a good point about self learning and reading - and then try and take action. I've heard good things about intimate connections and is on my reading list.

    Reach out on this forum and there's so much good advice on here. I wish you the best with your nofap adventure and hope things slowly start turning around for you.

    It can be: one day or day one!

    Write down some goals and achieve them weather they be daily, weekly, monthly. Things will get better!
     
  10. Harry91

    Harry91 Fapstronaut

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    @Salt great message mate happy to hear you've been able to turn things around.
     
  11. Bro, you can change if you want to. There must be some sort of job you can get, even if that has to be something like retail. You can then apply yourself to the job every day and impress your managers, get promotions etc. Life is all about how much you're willing to put in. I'm riddled with social anxiety and depression too, but I have refused to fap at all in 2017 and have landed a job. I am talking to women despite my nervousness being apparent. I'm in a shit situation, like you, but hell....I'm trying and that's all you can do. I read, I eat healthily, I socialise as best as I can. I talk to strangers as much as possible - it's conscious effort to improve the situation I'm in.

    Tough love is a little taboo on this forum but unless you put in a bunch of effort, it's hard to have sympathy. You have to fight this like we all are. Most of us are in the same boat.
     
    AJ777, WillFightOut, Kman20 and 10 others like this.
  12. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Get to work! Go out in the world and pursue opportunities, there's a whole world out there.
     
    Bel, Deleted Account and Whackless like this.
  13. SilentJay313

    SilentJay313 Fapstronaut

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    I was in the same situation as you were at one point in life. No job, no girlfriend and wasn't in school. I eventually got into a community college, but my family forced me into an automobile mechanic program or I would have been kicked out of the house. I didn't have much of a choice but to go into it and complete the program. But alas I returned after it and now I am pursuing a dual degree in computer science and digital art(my real passions). I still don't have a girlfriend, but I always imagined that would either take a long time, or I'd just marry some mail order bride or something. Even just making friends was a hassle for me, especially since i have Asperger's syndrome. I don't like mentioning this to people at all since people can be way too judgemental (At least people in my area. Don't know about other parts of the USA or the world.). Either way, I still try to make some friends even though it blows up in my face.

    I managed to get a job at a car dealership, but I know that my boss won't move me up to a technician position. Plus, I followed the advice of the older techs and went back to school.

    One thing I did do when I wasn't working was just grabbing my backpack and sitting in a park and trying to draw what I see. Unfortunately I had no choice but to stop doing this because of the many times someone called the police on me(even though I wasn't harming or bothering anyone).

    I guess as far as school goes, look into community college. It cost less than starting out at a major university, and depending on what community college you go to, the credits you earned may transfer to a lot of different universities. But I will say stay away from places like Everest, UTI, Art Institute, or other for profit schools. I know some people who went to some places like that and they say it's a just a money trap

    Getting a job will take some time. As someone mentioned, try getting into volunteering. That could lead you to getting your first job. Before I was hired at my current job, I worked for a few months as a general Laborer on construction sites for a skilled trades company my dad sent me to.
     
  14. RyGuy

    RyGuy Fapstronaut

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    I'm pretty much exactly like you but I started slowly incorporating little good habits day by day like working out. I'd workout whenever I felt like it, like once a week even once every two weeks, had to force myself sometimes, but once I started seeing results, it just stuck, now I love working out. This applies with anything (eating well, reading, exercising, talking to people, etc)
     
  15. Hey man! You came to the right place to make some friends and steer you in the right direction.

    I've said this multiple times on this forum, but it's never too late to start working towards your goals. Hell, 23 is still SUPER young, you've got plenty of time to figure out what you want to do.

    If I were in your shoes I would continue with no PMO, and then look into starting an education somewhere (whether it's online college courses, community college, trade school, univeristy). That will help you get an idea of what you'd like to do. I'd also try and get your driver's license if you can:)

    Best of luck man, PM me any time if you're feeling down.
     
  16. Get rid of that self pity. There is no such thing as a 'social norm' when it comes to individuals.. You are what you are. Maybe you are at a point where you pushed everything away because you weren't fully content with your situation. There are plenty of people with all those things and still aren't satisfied or are empty. There are people who had everything, and lost it. People will try to make you believe they fly in a space shuttle to the stars every night for parties, you will read about it, but deep inside they are lost puddles of piss.

    That said, I would advise you to take a few months off, and think about your future. If you rush, because you think you are at an age you need to prove something, and people around you put pressure on you also, you will do things without thinking. If that's the case though.
     
  17. Start building your small daily routines like making your bed in the morning, brushing teeth and going to walk or biking, instead of sitting in the house. Go to the forest if you have possibility, spend more time in nature. But DON'T STAY IN HOME ! Also as someone here mentioned previously maybe look after voluntering, I believe it's a great way to work and uplifting the self. Be patient, give yourself a time, take small steps and be prepared that going out of the hole takes time. Sometimes when you think you are lowest of the low, you are really not. Changes are coming only when you really hit the ROCK BOTTOM. I did it.
    I was once in your situation for years, also suffered depression, anxiety etc.
    I still have no gf, have shitty job but only by self-imporving ( which involes a lot of reading books) I am getting better an better. There will be next couplr of years since I will gain life that I want, and you can also do it.

    Until you are depressed you think you see the true nature of things but it's not truth !
    The truth is that you percepetion of reality is veiled by black veil of depression believe me !
    Things seems hopeless and senseless but it;s only your perception, not reality.
    I would advise you to read book THE POWER OF NOW of Eckhart Tolle, or seek his speeches on Youtube. Those are very helpful as he is describing the things as they are !

    GOOD LUCK BROTHER I BELIEVE IN YOU !
    NOT TODAY, MAYBE NOT TOMORROW BUT THE NEXT DAYS ARE YOURS TO UNLEASH YOUR POTENTiAL !
     
  18. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Take it one day at a time, especially if you feel like you are a total loser. Baby steps are better than nothing. For example, for day 1 shave and get a haircut. Day 2, clean your room. Day 3 go for a short run.
     
  19. Whackless

    Whackless Fapstronaut

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    Respect man. Someone of your age reading classics like that! Now I can dig it brutha!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  20. FapFapFapNoMore

    FapFapFapNoMore Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, I was in your situation.No job, no gf, no life, no school, I was basically living off my parents money and being a bum! I was also PMO'ing everyday. Then I found out about this movement on YouTube while I was watching music videos of Eminem, and one of Alex Unchained's videos was on my recommendation so I clicked it and learned about NoFap. I tried it for 30 days, and after 30 days I felt better! then relapsed...then tried again and reached 60 days, after 60 days...I applied for a job, applied to go to college to study Information Technology and have better things to do now...I actually feel like going out and have fun with people than stay home all day and play videogames and jack off. It definitely helped me have a better outlook in life. I have no desire for porn...but still have urges. I am now in my 94th day...and all I can is...I am moving forward with life and that's all that matters...I hope this helps!
     
    Clerk373, GREGOR hulse, wra and 6 others like this.

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