Taking a fresh chance at becoming a better person

Hello,

I'm here to take a fresh start at becoming a better person- specifically, tackling my chronic masturbation and pornography use problem. My addiction to pornography and masturbation has affected me in many ways, however the most prominent is that I lack confidence in myself and it has warped the way I view the world, other people and myself.

So, I have decided to commit to joining the NoFap to change myself for the better. I am aware of the problems this addiction causes and am determined to bring it down, and stop it from getting between me and being the person I want to be!

Thanks,

The_Long_Night

 

Hi! My strategy for fighting PMO is to prepare and do my research. I need to relearn what I have learned about my addiction, this time, with a new mindset, so I have to get down to work over the next few days and consider how to get the path setup for my journey to quit my addiction.

 

It's the end of Day One. It has been a hectic day and I have been hurrying to and fro, trying to keep myself, urges, and my thoughts in check. I lost concentration towards the end of the day and wasted valuable time, which is something that I must be sure to keep from happening- losing focus and energy on certain projects as time wears on. However, I prevailed without any resets or failures! I knew that this first day was a day I would just have to power through, and I did just that, so I would say this day is a success.

The_Long_Night

 

Thanks! That should be very helpful indeed.

We're all fighting the same war. We are all soldiers in the same army.

 

I hate to say this, but I relapsed on Day Three. I stayed up procrastinating in the evening and eventually the urges overwhelmed me as my mind lost focus. What this has shown me is the scale of the problem I face in tackling this addiction and how I must overcome it. It does not discourage me, but makes me more determined.

The_Long_Night

 

Good Idea! I think for me it's being alone in my bedroom late at night, and losing focus. An exercise routine is something I look forward to trying out.

 

Alright, I've been getting back into a new streak after the last reset and I'm determined not to reset or relapse so soon after beginning. I've been thinking about how I'm going to get past the first week of this new streak without failure. And that has been involving a lot of planning. I said that one of my main goals early on in the road to quitting PMO was to plan ahead and learn. A few hours before I had reset I had been reading up about the science of pornography addiction and a few hours ago after my last journal post I've been writing my plans down for the first two weeks of my goals. I've been solidifying objectives into my head- mainly, to get to ninety days and then to get a point where a full reboot occurs. I'm hoping that with all this, kicking my addiction is aided by a plan of attack for dealing with whatever the reboot process throws at me.

The_Long_Night

 

It's the end of Day One! Today the reboot started proper and I had to get everything underway for the challenges I face up ahead. That involved testing some new daily routines, such as exercising every morning, which I hope will come in useful for maintaining discipline and willpower later on. For the first half of the day I was mostly quite productive, however this stagnated later on and I ended up losing concentration a little as the day wore on. Not much of a threat now, but as I progress through the week and as the chaser effect reaches its peak it could be. So, I have to make sure I always try to keep the momentum up and don't let my mind wander. In all, a strong start, but greater challenges lie ahead.

The_Long_Night

 

The main reason I wanted to quit was because it drove me to doing some pretty unsustainable things and that my emotional state was severely damaged as a result. I'm taking this step by step, so I don't let the days overwhelm me.

 

It's the end of Day Two! A tough day, and I had to fight through it. The main problem was sudden outbursts of extreme perfectionism that have always been a problem for me, but today they were particularly proficient at stopping me in my tracks, so I was not very productive today, and did not complete any of the routines that I plan to make a daily occurrence. I had to focus mainly on just not letting the perfectionism escalate and eventually drive me to reset. It was a fight, but I soon got through it. The perfectionism may make another appearance tomorrow, as I fight to get past the abstinence cycle that I created (abstaining for two-three days then resetting), so I must be on my guard.

The_Long_Night

 

It's the end of Day Three. Today was even tougher than yesterday. The main problem was again perfectionism, but this time even more vehement. It really struck me down on the productivity front and I couldn't get much done today, so I ended up losing out (again) on all the routines that I planned to do today. I'm going have to really push on that tomorrow, and catch up. I think what happened with the perfectionism was that once I started the day, I ended up being perfectionist and unproductive and I couldn't put a stop to that, so it just rolled on throughout the day. Tomorrow, I'll want to make sure I get the day off to a good start so that doesn't happen again. The chaser effect was also a problem today, and I ended up becoming susceptible to urges. It'll have worn off by tomorrow, I predict, but I'll still be on my guard. I aim for tomorrow to be a much better day, so I hope to wake up early, get the day to a good start, push ahead with the routines I plan to implement and make some well needed progress on perfectionism and urges for the "Big push" that leads to getting past one week.

The_Long_Night

 

I hate to say it again, but I reset on Day Five. I had had some terrible two days, full of perfectionism, depression and the like (which is why I didn't update my journal on Day Four). It ended up barraging my willpower, until it could not hold and I ended up lacking the strength to resist the urges and intervene on the inevitable escalation into reset.

But, I'm going to keep going. I'm not going to let this be the next reset where I binge and end up giving up and purging this account to move onto a new one. This only strengthens my resolve. Despite the reset being early, it is still progress on the last one, by two days. I'll keep pushing forward and try to get further on the next one until the day where eventually, I complete my mission to quit this addiction and become a better person. Until that day, I will keep going and tackling this addiction.

The_Long_Night

 

I could have probably acted on the urge when it happened, and put into effect the plans I had to deal with it. But I postponed and it grew too strong.