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Checking in so I don't check out

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Mr. Sunshine, Apr 11, 2017.

  1. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    Hey all, I'm doing alright. Been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. Its tues morning, I'm sitting here getting through my day and just felt the urge to PMO. SRSLY PMO negatively effects my life, it keeps me in this place where I don't make measurable progress on my long term goals. I kind of eek by with my short term immediate needs but nothing meaningful happens other then that. I'm reaching out for support and just want to get this feeling off my chest. I want to keep going, I enjoy the added measure of happy in my life when PMO isn't mucking everything up. Thanks everyone
     
  2. waltz#1

    waltz#1 Fapstronaut

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    Here with you man! Just hit week 2 yesterday and it's the toughest it's been so far. Stay strong brother! I'm right there with you!
     
  3. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    thanks homie, same to you. Keeping the goals clear and in the forefront of the mind is the trick. Saying this to you and to me, Think of all the wasted time with PMO, think of the years of stagnation, think of the lack of connection. Now focus on the progress and the desire to keep going. The answer truly is obvious but only if I'm paying attention and keep my head out of the fog. The fog is REAL i'm telling you
     
    waltz#1 likes this.
  4. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    another mid day check in, I have felt some desire to escape. I've been pretty productive so far and have taken a break to do a little yoga and clear my mind. Managing my self is actually a good thing, I've viewed it as a pain for most of my life. I shouldn't have to impose any structure on anything because that would mean something bad about my nature. Rather then thinking it as I'm a good person and all people with out structure become kind of wild and useless, the earth doesn't just spontaneously take care of us we have to kind of work it into submission and roll with the punches a bit, working with my inner self is very similar to that. With out care and attention weeds start to choke things out and nothing useful can grow. It sucks sitting in that garbage, I don't know how I have tolerated it honestly.
     
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  5. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    reminding my self of my goals. looking for an escape. I need to think about what it is I'm trying to escape from. I think right this second its the pressure to be productive and original. Thinking about the next step will be helpful and giving my self some sort of healthy distraction is also prob a good call.
     
  6. Filborbob

    Filborbob Fapstronaut

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    I like that idea of checking in so you don't check out...clever. I really want the freedom from this nonsense and being a slave to PMO. So far the urges haven't been too bad, but I know they are coming, and at a time when I'm at my weakest. I'm so grateful for all you guys sharing the struggle and keeping each other accountable.
     
  7. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    define weakest... also amen to wanting to be free from it.
     
  8. Filborbob

    Filborbob Fapstronaut

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    Historically, I'm weakest (meaning I give in to PMO) when I'm physically tired and/or alone. Mainly tired.
     
  9. ps129

    ps129 Fapstronaut

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    try to identify your triggers, theres always a few things that are most likely to lead to you give in. then change your pattern when you experience those triggers.

    i find it best to replace that pattern with another and reinforce the hell out of it. one of my 'weak' moments would be when i wake up with morning wood. so now i keep lemon water next to my bed every night, and when i wake up with the urge, i chug the lemon water. the bitterness shocks my system and gets my mind off the urge

    but do it every time so the new behavior becomes your regular pattern. the more shocking to your system the new behavior is, the more effective it will be
     
    Filborbob likes this.
  10. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    Srsly I feel ya. I'm dealing with that right this second. Last night I didn't sleep much kids were having a restless night. I get up this morning and my urge to PMO feels like its doubled. Need some support and need to find my inner strength right now. PMO has gotten me to a bad place in my life, a place that isn't working. I know The way forward is leaving PMO behind. I feel pretty blinded by my impulses right now. Today may prove to be a little bit of a challenge.
     
  11. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    I'm working, I work from home. Nobody is here, I'm feeling a little mid afternoon nasty. I've got some aches and pains etc. I want to escape. Thinking outloud here. Good alternatives to PMO would be stretching, taking a walk around the block, calling a friend, taking a break, aka all of these are reaching out. Reviewing my goals. I'm looking for a more productive and centered existence. PMO keeps me stuck. PMO creates a fog that srsly effects my ability to make progress in life in general. Usually PMO serves to only distract me from dealing with my problems and challenges in healthy ways. SO, Here I am getting it out there. Letting you all know my goals, being accountable etc etc etc etc. The only way forward for me is a new life PMO free.
     
  12. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    I'm not stoked to report a relapse. One of the most powerful triggers for me is Anger. When I get sick of something, and then get angry it always goes to PMO or M. I'm tired and angry right now. I've been struggling with my relationship with my wife. She seems to give her better self to everyone but me. I get the tired usually grumpy wife. I try really hard to be in a good mood and give her my best self. I get the feeling she isn't doing the same for me. I got really angry about that. When ever I'm thinking about "I deserve," it leads to a sense of entitlement which leads to self indulgence rather then self management. I have such a long bad history with the anger cycle in my life. I guess here is to a new day. I need to learn new ways of dealing with my anger. Its all growing out of a childish place that I still don't fully understand. Anger is so blinding for me. How do you guys deal with anger? Looking for support here.
     
  13. Enemjay

    Enemjay Fapstronaut

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    It's funny how everything hurts more in the flat line. Lol, I just caught a cold and I'm in week 3. God I've never been so destroyed by a cold before. Lol, I feel that Incan mummy they found a few years ago and I'm like, "heeeeeelp meeeeee... I'm still aliiiiiiive in heeeeeeere..."
     
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  14. ps129

    ps129 Fapstronaut

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    begins with awareness, you seem to already be there. next you try to not identify with the feelings of anger or your wife's actions, meditation helps with that. theres no quick fix, you have to chip away at it.

    this book - Crucial Conversations - is a good place to learn to communicate your feelings without triggering fights/confrontation/anger from either of you
     
  15. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for that I'll check it out! Now I'm in a place where I took a bite of Ice cream and I'm trying not to have the attitude, "well might as well eat the whole thing." I kind of need to go into things with realistic expectations. I know that my wife is a certain way, she has been for a long time. She has other fantastic qualities and I really ought to focus on those and be kind. If I'm prepared for potentially triggering conversations then Im probably less likely to get all riled up because I'll approach it differently. Previously I think I've felt entitled to that anger because I've been wronged or taken advantage of, its a child like response but that is what I've been doing I think...... I'm trying to gain awareness around it like you say.

    SO, TODAY. I'm trying to find the inner strength to pick up the pieces, learn my lessons, deal with a little sadness and move onto a better place. I know I'm going to mess up as I try and kick this. Just a setback. Get back on it.
     
  16. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    I'm doing a pretty lame job of picking up the pieces and moving on. I'm having such a hard time with the "whats the point," mentality. Addict speak for sure. I know I can do better then this. Dealing with setbacks its really hard for me. I feel like if I do my part then some how I can control outcomes. For example I try my best and then my wife acts like a human with flaws like all people do. Me doing my part doesn't mean anyone else will, if I'm doing my part only to try and control another that seems a little strange anyway. I think to myself "I'm doing everything I'm supposed to, weird shit still is happening, what am I doing wrong." I'm not doing anything wrong. Once I get to the "what am I doing wrong?" or "whats wrong with me?" phase I throw my hands up and go looking for an escape. Such a pattern in my life. Once I do relapse, then its on to "whats the point?" mentality and I get stuck there. I'm struck right now. I need to get out of this it can stretch on for weeks or years if I let it. I'm trying to focus on the truth of the situation and not get mired in the emotion tied to all the distortions I mentioned. Its really hard because those emotions are pretty gnarly in comparison to the truth. I'm acting crazy I think. The truth is I am in control of my actions, I can only control myself and nobody else. Me doing my part won't change another person. I'm doing this for myself. I"M DOING THIS FOR MYSELF
     
  17. Chas

    Chas Guest

    I know what you mean. I have to constantly monitor my success because with each failure the road is steeper and shorter to bottom. It's not worth it in the long run when I fail but the short term can have a powerful draw. I'm glad I found this place and others who are struggling as well. I feel les like a freak and know I can get through it. I have had multiple stretches of 30+ days but stress and other factors junk in and I have to start over. Keep going and don't give in. You are not alone
    UOTE="Mr. Sunshine, post: 809216, member: 95821"]Hey all, I'm doing alright. Been dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety. Its tues morning, I'm sitting here getting through my day and just felt the urge to PMO. SRSLY PMO negatively effects my life, it keeps me in this place where I don't make measurable progress on my long term goals. I kind of eek by with my short term immediate needs but nothing meaningful happens other then that. I'm reaching out for support and just want to get this feeling off my chest. I want to keep going, I enjoy the added measure of happy in my life when PMO isn't mucking everything up. Thanks everyone[/QUOTE]
    I
     
  18. Mr. Sunshine

    Mr. Sunshine Fapstronaut

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    I[/QUOTE]
    thanks yeah, thats a good way of saying it. Raising the stakes is a little scary. In some ways its easier not to try because then I don't have to deal with failures... Dealing with setbacks and failures is actually the road forward. I've been setting myself up for this perfectionist way of thinking and it just never pays off. I end up with long stretches of relapse etc. Not cool. Thanks for the positive re-inforcement. I'm ready to get back in the game now. The clouds have parted just a little. Its hard work but worth it right? RIGHT? yeah its worth it, I know it is..... anyway, thanks for reaching out
     
  19. FOCUS.
     
  20. Chas

    Chas Guest

    thanks yeah, thats a good way of saying it. Raising the stakes is a little scary. In some ways its easier not to try because then I don't have to deal with failures... Dealing with setbacks and failures is actually the road forward. I've been setting myself up for this perfectionist way of thinking and it just never pays off. I end up with long stretches of relapse etc. Not cool. Thanks for the positive re-inforcement. I'm ready to get back in the game now. The clouds have parted just a little. Its hard work but worth it right? RIGHT? yeah its worth it, I know it is..... anyway, thanks for reaching out[/QUOTE]

    I ask myself the same questions, Is it worth it? It means stopping some relationships, ones that you may want. But PM impacts your wanted and unwanted relationships, it impacts the ones you love and you yourself. It hurts. Especially when there are long stretches of relapse. My last relapse was extremely hard, involved a close relationship that sent me into a tailspin emotionally and physically and if not careful can lead to actual actions you regret but cant undo. I press on, wanting to change and wanting to feel normal and wanting to get over this in a hurry but it takes a while. Im on day 3 right now.
     

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