Masturbating in jail - made me give it up forever

Wow that sucks man. Wonder how you got urges while being locked up between 4 walls . Yeah i would say yes pmo flashbacks are dangerous as real ones. Btw you were locked up for 20 days in a place like solitary or you can still go outside? That was tough if that was solitary. Anw i guess you got released now, so you can get back on track , and yes try to eliminate pmo flashbacks by doing exercise or meditation.

 

wow being locked up in solitary for 19 days was terrible, i didn't know people go to jail cuz of cussing out. Even 24 hours surrounded by 4 walls were enough to crush ones mind. Solitary is nightmare

 

I'm trying normal mode, so fapping is out of the picture, but i didn't know there is easy mode where you can pleasure yourself.If i was you probably should restart the timer and try to rise the level of difficulty, but that's me.Didn't restarted for a while and to be honest i'm not sure how would take it if i have to reset the counter, but to bend the rules just for the sake of the digits seems wrong.Fapping in these conditions seems wrong.If you really have beaten the adiction 20 days in narrow space under surveilance wouldn't made you mastrubate under the blanket while being guarded by C.O.'s.Believe me i have been in similar situation for the same ammount of time few times.While my addiction was at it's worst i was doing it too.An addict always find a way for his fix.In terms of drug addicts i think you are now satisfied with the same drug just low grade shit.It's a matter of time to switch to the real deal, porn flashes are in no way good sign.You were in between 4 white walls, your lust wasn't supposed to overcome you.Boredom is a trigger for me and i believe for many more here.It's like if you have beaten it, then reverse again to it and now you are in phase of denial...

 

The title suggests that your goal is to give up M as well. I can't tell from your posts if that's true or not. From experience, M isn't much better than PMO... Your brain is still releasing dopamine and you're still messing with your reward system. Not saying I don't understand your situation... I can't really tell you how I'd act in total isolation for that long of time. But as far as technicalities, if I were you, I'd count it as a relapse and start anew.

 

You can be 21, 42 or 63.You will always have sexual thoughts.If your brain could tell the difference between fantasy, porn and the real deal you wasn't going to touch yourself, but only go after chicks. Consciously you know the difference, even though you are still denying that you relapsed. What porn does is reliving your brain from all the work of fantasizing.The effect is the same.You need to ask yourself what are pornstars?Made up people that exist only when you are watching the video or real people that someone who knows in person and can fantasize about just like you do with those you are doing it with?What's the difference?You just can't find nasty shit filmed with persons you are imagining in your head!

Porn is out of your life for good and that's ok, but you continue to objectify people, you continue to mess with your reward system and you continue to lie to yourself that not watching porn is the last stop.

There is nothing more rewarding for the brain, antisocial and damaging you can do alone with yourself.

Now i see that your timer counts only P, if that's all that bothers you it's not a relapse but many of us struggle with all kinds of weird problems you might not have.We abstain from M and O as well.My advice it to try the big league now and level up, but only if you think there is something beneficial for you of course.

 

Maybe a little OT, but why do you consider the women you see to be more real than the women who end up in porn?

 

My fellow forumer, i was recently suggested to read https://www.nofap.com/rebooting/ You should browse it too!I'll get a quote out of it : Masturbation or sex can be counted as a relapse if they negatively impact a diagnosed addict’s life.

Why is this bad for you ? Because it's not normal to be aroused of being left by yourself in between 4 walls in these conditions.Pleasuring yourself, under a blanket, while someone is constantly checking you out.Don't tell me what you did with your semen i don't want to know.This is twisted!This is addict behavior!This is the negative impact!Don't count it as relapse if you wish.Don't count your days as some kind of a measurement as i can see this is not always the case you can trust someone here.My goal is not to hurt you but to show you how you look from a distance.That said i will tell you my story.I have a history with confined spaces i spent nearly half a year in asylums for the past 5.I did what you shared, releasing myself in similar conditions.Once i acknowledged there was a problem it was when i actually had no problem to spend 20 days locked in a room and not touch myself.So spending some alone time shouldn't be a trigger.Do you know what is porn addict trigger?Boredom!That's what you had!You was bored with yourself!

Don't ask for opinion when you don't need it!Everyone here voted that as a relapse.Everyone said to you that it look like relapse.I'm telling you no progress is better than bad progress.Time passes all of us.Time it's not progress, it just deliver it to you.You are so afraid to give up your 200 something precious days badge for a clean start that will actually lead you somewhere.I don't care.From my point of view i'm ahead of you already.I live beyond the fear of time, because i'm here to commit not to count the days.I'm not afraid to get off the train and catch the next one if i must.

 

It's a pretty lengthy article, but here's a link on yourbrainonporn.com that talks a lot about masturbation in captivity. Thought you might find it interesting considering your recent circumstance. https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/masturbation-fantasy-and-captivity

 

I wouldn't count it as a relapse. I would say its a big step towards relapse. Just learn from it and keep strong to your goal. Stay positive

 

I think he had a 20 day sentence for something else, but got upped to solitary for cussing out one of the jail nurses.

(did I get that right?)

 

Glad you're out of lockup, OP.

 

Talk about bottom.



I've been locked up, for a week, couple times, details don't matter, no I'm not an ex-con I have no criminal charges on my record, long story, but I did not masturbate. Although I relapsed to porn the day I got out one time I vividly recall. A bottle of wine and the computer were like luxuries in a palace after spending time in a county correctional facility. The 'pleasure' was of course short lived at best and I regretted it go figure.

 

first, let me say that i am glad you are our of jail. Prison is a horrible place, a very broken system that does not heal like it should.

secondly I am a little shocked to see how little compassion you have been shown by people here (most of whom have probably never been locked up in their lives). With any addiction process it is important to be kind and gentle to ourselves and to give ourselves praise for how far we have come along and for beginning the difficult journey of quitting an addiction.

thirdly I dont think the term "relapse" is helpful for one-time situations. I prefer the term "slip up." It you were masturbating continuously after (and your goal was zero masturbation) then yes, that would be a relapse.

personally I dont think trying to police our minds of every fantasy is helpful. If your goal is to be porn-free and not masturbation-free than it definitely isn't any problem at all. If you are trying to be masturbation free then you had a slip-up. don't beat yourself up over it and get caught up by the counters. be proud of yourself for being in this process! you will continue to thrive as you keep the porn stimulus away.