NoFap

  1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Repairing my attitude towards a girl I was attracted to

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ori713, Apr 16, 2017.

  1. Apr 16, 2017 #1
    ori713

    ori713 Fapstronaut

    21
    22
    3
    I'm new to interacting with girls with a clear goal of establishing a romantic relationship. I had female friends in the past, but they were always just friends. I'm 23 and was enslaved to porn for 10 years until the end of last year. I haven't gone on any porn sites since then, but masturbation is an ongoing struggle. These days, I'm going ~3 weeks without masturbation on average. I'm on week 4 now, so things are looking up.

    With that said, I've gotten connected to a group of people and I'm trying to break out of my shell. In the past couple months, I developed a pretty serious attraction to one girl there and started to open up to her. We talked about life goals, interests, and so on. I started to really trust and respect her in a way that I have never experienced before.

    Then we went to a concert one night (with other friends) and I found out she was already dating someone. I don't blame her at all. It was my fault for not finding out more about her personal life. But...ever since then, I've withdrawn from her. I haven't talked to her much at all. I have been acting much more cold towards her. It breaks me up inside because she is such a good person with a strong heart, and I want to be friends with her. But every time I'm around her, it's like my heart turns to ice.

    With each day that I go without masturbation, I get a stronger and stronger urge to be in a dating relationship. The past few days have been really intense. It's great in the sense that, instead of chasing after sex, I have a genuine desire to LOVE a woman and care for her, but it's awkward because I've never dated before and I'm uncomfortable in crowds. I feel like I can be a good and faithful boyfriend/husband but I just need to get past the "ice-breaking" stage. I also don't want to burn bridges with people who are closed off to me. Any advice?
     
    ori713, Apr 16, 2017
    ori713, Apr 16, 2017
    #1
  2. Apr 18, 2017 #2
    ori713

    ori713 Fapstronaut

    21
    22
    3
    So you're saying I can't be friends with people I was previously attracted to? It's like you didn't really read my post.
     
    ori713, Apr 18, 2017
    ori713, Apr 18, 2017
    #2
  3. Apr 18, 2017 #3
    StevieSunshine

    StevieSunshine Fapstronaut

    26
    31
    13
    Look bro you need to find a new girl...keep things civil between you and the other girl you liked, but go out and find someone else.
     
    StevieSunshine, Apr 18, 2017
    StevieSunshine, Apr 18, 2017
    #3
  4. Apr 29, 2017 #4
    Tested

    Tested Fapstronaut

    464
    394
    63
    It sounds like you have reached a point where you want a relationship for companionship, as much as physical closeness. That is a good step forward. It means you are normalising your view of women, starting to see them as people, not objects. That means you are getting stronger in sobriety. You may well be able to go on now and push onto 90 days free of M; and over time you will start to see M as an insult, it is junk sex in my view. Only real sex can satisfy you, and only when you are loving that woman, and I mean properly loving her; ravishing her with attention, losing yourself in her; with her. To begin to understand what it takes to be a man; to properly love a woman, I started to reading -- way too late, as my marriage has recently collapsed. As part of my reading; I felt i could get other to read and think too. So I have a group on NF; a book reading programme. We are reading this:
    http://ferryfalkenburg.nl/wp-content/uploads/The-Way-of-the-Superior-Man.pdf

    Please give it a go. It is challenging, but painfully truthful. If you read it and apply it you will become a man that a woman wants to be with. But you cannot just read this book and be healed.

    You also need:
    daily exercise
    take up meditation
    no more tv, video games. Social media, well, to a minimum.
    Thinking privately about your purpose; how you use your time; what your inner values are.
    If your purpose is not in alignment with your values, you will not be happy.
    If not happy (like me) you are at risk of relapse.
    I am trying to re-align my purpose to my values; but is hard to do so.
     
    Tested, Apr 29, 2017
    Tested, Apr 29, 2017
    #4

Share This Page