What to do when you are not determined?

Do you really not want to get better or are you just mixed? For instance when I think about me sitting in a dark room looking at P I used to find disgusting chasing after the perfect image to have an O I'm pretty disgusted. At the same time PMO has been my 'friend'. When I'm lonely I use it. When I'm sad I use it. When I'm anxious I use it. There is obviously something I liked and thought was goog about it that is why I do it. I don't want to do it but part of me doesn't want to give it up. If I start to be attracted to PMO I think of how poisonous the PMO is and how much better my life would be without it.

Also be careful about beating yourself up. If you set goals and failed it is easy to have a negative attitude towards yourself. It is easy to think you are weak. But you need to be realistic. Life is hard. Beating this is hard. We have our ups and downs. Remember any successes you've had. Focus on that and what you can be if you beat this.

Take stock of the thoughts you are indulging. If you are thinking a lot of negative thoughts that will hurt you. Challenge the negative thoughts. Take some time to really think positive thoughts. Think about what you can accomplish because you've accomplished it before, even if you slipped.

 

Hi Lynx93,

your post made me interested. I picked some quotes which might help me to understand your words better. It looks like mind is playing some tricky play with you. You are a wonderful person - why should you improve? In my opinion it's not about becoming a super star, a heroe or something like that, it's about living in true happiness. You are not interested in being happy? Come on. Of course you are. There was a reason you put your post here today. And the reason is you are hoping for help - help to become the person you always wanted to be. The reason you came into this world was you wanted to be happy. That's great! Follow your heart which is desperately longing for true love. You are gay - accept it and be proud of it. There is no need to be "determined". Just follow your heart. All is well and there is always hope.

 

I have read that cold showers are good for depression. I don't know for sure because I started to do them today, but a lot of people seem to have more energy (and other benefits) when they take cold showers.
If you're really afraid of cold water like me, you can start by easing yourself to them - go under warm water and then slowly turn the knob to cold. There is a lot of information about cold showers on the net

 

Some great posts by people here but

If its your brain (thoughts) ... Those things wont make sense.
Thats why depression isnt very easy to cure as people who havent went through it think. Its like a depressed person takes every positive word as negative. So in such situation i usually prevent over thinking.

I m depressed ! I am depressed ! I am depressed !

This will give you more depression.

So first of all keep calm. Give yourself time. Dont rush over things. After depression gets over you will get new life(think positive and hope for better) .So get ready for rebirth m8! Dont stress out.

 

I know exactly what you mean. I've been trying to quit for about six months now, and I've fallen into a pretty bad pattern. For the first week, things are pretty great. My motivation is high, and I really want and need to get better. That keeps me going, and honestly makes it pretty easy. But over time, that motivation fades, and even when I notice that it's happening, I haven't had much luck preventing it. Usually leads to a relapse around 10-12 days, and then the process starts over. I have found some things to help though. General mindfulness meditation is really useful, in my opinion. It just helps me live a bit more deliberately, avoiding that auto-pilot mode that so often leads to PMO. The more deliberately and consciously I'm thinking about my own recovery, every single day, the more likely I am to stay motivated. The other useful thing I've found is to just keep reading and absorbing more information and being a part of the community. I try to seek out motivating and/or informative material every day just to keep my goals and motivations clear in my head as much as possible. Keeping a journal can help here as well, and rereading all the reasons you've set out for yourself for wanting to quit.

It's not a perfect system. I still relapse doing these things, unfortunately, but I do feel like I'm getting better and more in control of myself with every attempt. Just have to keep at it.

 

I'm way too new to all this (2 months) to help but I lose determination often. What I've found to help somewhat is watching nofap videos on Youtube. Success stories, struggles. Something to remind you that people have succeeded and that the change is real and worth it. Perhaps pick a few vloggers who have been posting daily updates leading to their success. Watch the success video first and then take the journey with them one day at a time.

 

I think we all lose sight of the goal sometimes. That's why sites like this exist, to serve as a reminder. Just have to develop the habit of coming here (or places like this, or reflecting on your own journals or meditating or whatever works for you) when the urges strike instead of turning to PMO. Easier said than done, of course, but that's the goal.