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The hole PMO has made in my life - how do I fill it back up?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Ike, Jul 9, 2014.

  1. Ike

    Ike Fapstronaut

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    There were some really disturbing thoughts popping into my head today that have occurred in the past several days as well. I feel that some of the more physical temptations I have been experiencing have weakened very much, but, in their weakening, I have suffered much more powerful temptations in my mind. I have now discovered at least part of the hole that porn has been filling in my life. I've found myself missing the rush and that intense pleasure of PMO on a mental level, as if there was nothing in my life that exciting, wild, or exhilarating. Not any of my devotion towards my ambitions or hobbies have truly erased this thought from my mind. My current speculation is that this comes from my lifestyle for fantasy (video games, shows, porn, and other things of this nature). Perhaps, putting some of the other types of fantasy back into my life might help, but it might also be even more destructive too. I know that I need to find a way to fill up this hole; more importantly I will need to give this thought some urgency, as I know that allowing it to linger can only be destructive for me. Regardless of whether or not I know the problem, I think finding the solution will be very difficult for me. Would someone be able to give me advice or anything on this problem I have encountered? I would be truly grateful to you. Thank you for your time.
     
  2. 215

    215 Fapstronaut

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    I suggest you do physical exercise. That's pretty useful for ur health and it might just be the thing u are looking for.
     
  3. Ike

    Ike Fapstronaut

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    To 215: I do actually do plenty of exercise, from weightlifting to jogging. It certainly has helped a lot for me, but more so in the physical aspect than anything else. By that, I refer to the physical temptation of doing PMO. It certainly has helped with boredom as well, too. It's hard for me to try and describe the nature of this temptation further. I've kept myself plenty occupied with both things that exercise mind and body. I'm not sure what it is, but it seems as though there is a mental hole in my life, specifically, a lack of something - perhaps I was too specific to say exhilarating. Nevertheless, I certainly do appreciate your taking the time to respond.
     
  4. peregrinnus

    peregrinnus Fapstronaut

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    Hi Ike,

    I think the broader question you should be asking is whether or not this life of fantasy that you're pursuing is actually worth it or not.

    The thing about fantasy worlds is that they basically are designed to be "perfect" or at least to be better than the world that we live in now. So it's very tempting to use them as a form of escape from this world and anything that might make us feel uncomfortable or might cause us pain. I mean, why would I want to suffer and work hard to finish that assignment that I have, if I can escape reality and become a badass dragon-slayer that can steal dead dragons' souls? And of course, these escapes from reality provide unrealistic highs as well,since there aren't actually dragons around, you don't have badass dragonborn powers and you don't level up and become even more badass everytime you do something in the real world - sometimes you don't even feel like you accomplished anything at all.

    That being said, I think it's impossible to expect the real world to give you the same sort of highs that living in a fantasy world all the time will give you. And that's where the hole is coming from. Basically unmet, and extremely umrealistic, expectations. And I think that it will take a much longer time to rewire the brain to appreciate "real" sources of pleasure, and at the actual, real rate that they occur at (which is much slower than in a fantasy world, where you basically level your character in a few hours).

    What to do about it? I guess you can go and do things that get the adrenaline pumping, like rock-climbing, skydiving etc if you're the type and you have the money and time to. Or you can start to appreciate small, good things in life that may happen - someone smiled at you, you smiled at someone, the weather was beautiful, you watched a nice sunset at the beach, etc. Get used to appreciating and enjoying more "natural" pleasures, and take the time to slow down and appreciate them, or take some time at night to reflect on the good that happened over the course of the day, that didn't come from fantasy sources.

    Hope that helps. It won't be easy, and it will definitely take some time. But I think it will be more worth it in the end, instead of trying to fill one fantasy with another.
     
  5. Ike

    Ike Fapstronaut

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    To banana: Believe me, those are thoughts that I run right by myself anytime I even think of a relapse. In a way, my brain has actually been a strong ally for me in this struggle, for it has helped me to rationalize myself out of feelings or certain thoughts that might lead to relapse. Truth is, it isn't as if I'm on the verge of a relapse or even in a true struggle right now, but I don't want to allow a foothold for dangerous thoughts like this or anything of the like down the road. One thing that I can't rationalize myself out of is this idea that something isn't right, that something is wrong, or that something is missing because, in a way, it has been a partly emotional feeling in the back of my head that I haven't been able to shake. Maybe, what I've been trying to say is, I feel more so as if I've been using it all this time for something else in my life that has been wrong, as if covering up something. Maybe I've even gotten used to it that I've depended on fighting it for so long. Now that less of the fight is there, it's as if I am missing a struggle. How strange what I'm saying must sound :)!? At this point, I'm just stating whatever comes into my head in the hope of an answer to this thought. What I know for sure is that merely occupying my mind won't solve a problem like this. Things like what you suggested are great for abstinence, among other things, but abstinence simply isn't my goal. I'm trying to work towards building something new for my life, not just going away from something, so that the abstinence from porn will simply follow. I really do appreciate your response, as you really got me thinking on a possible solution when you said that there simply isn't a void, and I will continue to ponder on that when I think on this in the future.
     
  6. Ike

    Ike Fapstronaut

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    To peregrinnus: That does make a good amount of sense, and it does very much fit with what I've been feeling. I think that, now, I might be able to put that thought at ease for the next time. The thought, though, of not being able to do much to actively work against a thought like this annoys me; I suppose this will be a true test of patience. Thank you for your thoughts.
     

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