Never went public....

Reading some of these, I can see that I'm not the only one with this struggle. I've kept my addiction a secret for so long that actually talking about it is embarrassing. To start from the beginning, I started watching porn when I was nine years old. First it stated with whatever was on HBO or cinemax and it's been slowly progressing since then. At first I didn't think it was a problem. I'm sure most people don't. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I shared a room with my older brother and I'd wait until he was sleep before watching. Of course every time he moved I'd turn back to cartoons and pray he didn't catch me. I realized I had a problem in the eight grade. That's when I started actually using the computer to look at porn. I was even so bold that I started printing pictures at my home computer for later use. I would search for pictures every day before school until I found the perfect one, sometimes even missing the bus and having to walk to school. Until one day while running late I left the pictures in the printer. Of course my mom found them while us kids were at school and confronted everyone about them. I let my older siblings take the blame and one of them almost got kicked out of the house because of it. It's been years and I never came clean about it. I just cowered and stopped using the printer. Since then I've tried several times to quit but with no success. I actually accidentally found this website when I saw a nofap hashtag online. It's been two days since the last time I've done anything and I feel coming clean would probably be the best start in making this official. I'm struggling to tell my girlfriend that I'm an addict and that I've been one for so long. The main reason why our relationship is failing is because of my disinterest in everything. To tell someone I'm less of what they think of me scares me to a point that I shut down and make things worse between us. I want to be a better man, because I want to start a family soon. I don't want to make things difficult for the ones around me. I can honestly say these past two days have been difficult. Hoping this time will be different.