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I have 4 months to cure my "death grip"

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by 120Days, May 13, 2017.

  1. 120Days

    120Days New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,
    I'm a 26 year old guy from europe with a pretty serious case of death grip. I am in a long distance relationship since last year and will be reunited with my girlfriend in about 4 months. My goal is to, until then, cure myself of this ridiculous disease which is being unable to cum in any way other than using my own hand.


    Here is the tldr backstory
    I started fapping roughly at age 14. Since then, I have probably maintained an average of about 1.5 times a day. I am an introverted and shy person who used to do everything he could to avoid things like school speeches, presentations or any kinds of social events. This always made me think that getting a gf is next to impossible for me, and throughout highschool and most of university I have lived as a typical "forever alone" nerd. Ultimately, despite thinking about sex constantly, I didn't approach a single girl in highschool. I was also addicted to an MMO for most of that time, basically playing all day after school and during weekends. Non stop gaming, and the super easy access to online porn sucked all of the life out of me. Luckily, even though I barely studied for tests or even the final exams, I got into a good university. However, about 95% of the students in my department were guys, and that was my whole friend circle. During these 4 years I have asked out only 1 girl. She rejected me and I stopped my "efforts" in getting laid for the next few years.
    In 2015, I enrolled in a M.Sc. program. After failing to extend my social circle, I decided to forcefully change my environment and made a bold move: I applied for the student exchange program in an asian country. A few weeks later, I received the confirmation and I would be soon flying to Japan for half a year.

    Long story short, I gave everything I had there. I went to the parties, joined a few clubs, even did online dating. After dating a few girls, I met my current gf. I couldn't believe it, and I am still really grateful to be in a relationship with this girl. After I went back to europe, we visited each other a few times and made plans for our future.
    She will be coming to europe in mid-september, and our ultimate goal is to get married within 1-2 years.


    Here is the problem
    Despite me being really attracted to her, I haven't cum once from sex or a bj. In over 100+ encounters, literally every single time, I have to finish myself off with my hand. At first, since she was also sexually inexperienced like me, she thought it's maybe normal for guys to not be able to cum the first 5-10 times (lol). Eventually it was obvious something is wrong and she started asking herself if she is not good enough for me. This is what I just can't take anymore: after pounding her for an hour and her doing everything she possibly can to make me cum, I'm not even close. I feel only a pleasant, but much too weak sensation during normal sex. I can barely feel oral - the pressure on my dick is just way too low. If I do it myself, it will take me just a minute of brutally clenching my fist and the terrified look of my girl. I could live with jacking myself off but I can't live with my gf questioning herself all the time and feeling inferior.

    Interesting for me is the complete disconnection between my fapping fantasies and reality - I've always imagined bj's to feel really good but in reality, I feel almost nothing. I thought doing it doggy will make me cum in a minute, but in reality the boring missionary does more for me, and no position leads to climax. Long term masturbators really do live in an illusion.


    Why I created this thread
    I have about 120 days to cure my death grip. At the very least, I will avoid porn over this period, starting now. I have no experience in abstaining from fapping, and this seems like the way to go. I would like some help since I don't know what's my best gameplan. Should I just go NoFap for the entire 4 months until I have sex with my gf? That would seem unrealistic for me atm, but I could try. Or is it better to just masturbate once per week. Or maybe do it once per week for the first 3 months and then go for the last 30 days? Any input is appreciated.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  2. Lightseeker

    Lightseeker Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, 34 years old here and around 20 pmoing periodically... I felt very identified with you, sensitivity seems to fade away fisically... and mentally a real woman doesnt seems to be enough to make the flame burn after so many years guetting aroused with images in a computer or tv screen... I also felt dissapointed when i got my first blowjob... and not to mention about PIED, but that doesnt seems to be a problem for you.
    I see your considering to masturbate less... i think you should try to not masturbate at all during this 4 months and from there you should see how you feel... you should recover some sensitivity by then. Plus i think you should see this as a long time decision not something to do in 4 months, it may take longer... and it puts to much pressure on you.

    Excuse my english, not my main language :)
     
    HappyDaysAreHereAgain likes this.
  3. 120Days

    120Days New Fapstronaut

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    hey thanks for the reply. Yeah for some reason I don't have problems getting it up(I tend to fantasize a lot about mental images from porn though...), and go soft mostly only when changing positions. I guess I'm lucky in that respect. I see why I shouldn't assume that 4 months no PMO(or a similar plan) will cure me for sure. I just hope it will though, and I won't have to bring this up with my gf anymore.
     
    Lightseeker and JJ_Kino like this.
  4. Veeav

    Veeav Fapstronaut
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    Get rid of it completely at once. Just stop masturbating and watching porn, doing it radically is the easiest Way to beat this at the same time. Best of luck :)
     
    Deleted Account and Lightseeker like this.
  5. YngwieWanksteen

    YngwieWanksteen Fapstronaut

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    Don't masturbate at all. Assume the worst, take the most drastic plan(no masturbating) and expect the best to come out of it.

    And when/if you don't get the results you want, give yourself more time. If not for this girl, then you might find yourself in another four month situation with someone else. Best of luck!
     
  6. Ashan

    Ashan Fapstronaut

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    Hey u have a very good chance to cure your death grip -- if u masterbate once a week you will lose your chance with this girl and you don't want that.. just don't touch yourself or watch porn till you see her.. easier said than done but the rewards are there for you and her -- something special will await you..
     
  7. Yeah, you are going to have go cold turkey on this one.

    Oh, and congratulations on the Asian girl! Your story is similar to mine, only I went to China.
     
  8. Vroom296

    Vroom296 Fapstronaut

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    Soo I was in a similar situation, except I saw my now-ex in England and wasn't able to perform and it put a damper on things. I stopped for about 3 weeks before seeing her after failing a bunch of times previously. Don't be like me :p
     
  9. Goosehendrix

    Goosehendrix Fapstronaut

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    Hey just saw ur story. I have been in a very similar spot as you. I've been seeing this'd gift for about 6 months now. Before we started dating it was just casual sex. Anyway I never had ED issues, not sure about PIED but I had a bad case of death grip as well. I literally couldn't cum from sex even with a gun to my head. Or else it would take forever and she would end up in pain in the end. Anyway long story short I started nofap about a month ago and by some miracle I can cum from sex and I'm actually super sensitive. But I cut out masturbating completely and even before that I began to use a looser grip because no vagina can choke ur penis like ur hand can. Anyway I cut out porn and masturbating completely and it helped me. I did relapse once but after that I've had no issues. The only thing I'd say iss nofap has ups and downs. It is hard and I have depression and anxiety and it has been tough and then also ur body will go through thing like the flatline and all that. I never researched tho things and so it was a huge surprise for methe but since ur not with ur girl 4 months if uu can sound s like the perfect amount of time to just go through it all and come out the other side a way better person. I'm also planning to do 3 to 4 month while being iintimate with my girl though. Anyway hope it helped.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  10. 120Days

    120Days New Fapstronaut

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    Wow, so many replies :D

    Sounds like the best plan, but I'm pretty scared I will fail somewhere on the way. On day 4 atm, which is almost nothing, and as much as I hate to say it, it wasn't easy.


    High five lol :D Btw my gf is Chinese, she is just living in Japan for the past few years.

    Sad to hear that 3 weeks didn't do the trick :/ Gl in the future.

    Yeah it seems that we are pretty similar. I can also relate to the anxiety and one of my biggest fears are pretty much deadlines and exams in my university(most in July but a few earlier), during which I know that I usually masturbate even more. Not sure how I should handle this, because exam period stress always hits me so hard, and now it's my final year and need to somehow maintain solid grades while not going crazy.
    However, the fact that I have a concrete goal and someone who cares for me is motivating.

    Btw, I've never looked at forums like this until a few months ago. I'm still shocked at how many people fap have the "death grip" problem. And the worst part is if you stay a virgin for long, you won't even realize the damage you are doing.
     
  11. Goosehendrix

    Goosehendrix Fapstronaut

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    Hey I'm also in University and I've got exams coming up as well. My triggers would be when I'm stressed by work or when I'm bored or just alone at the house working. I'm also trying to figure those triggers out and how to stop them from affecting me. I find it good to just keep your mind busy on other things and when you get the urge just do something else to take your mind off of it. Like get up and go outside or for a smoke or anything. Hope this is helpful. I relapsed because I was feeling low and I was in the optimum environment to relapse i.e. on my bed, by myself, same time, same everything.

    Anyway I hope this helps and all the best. I'm also planning to do 4 months. Counting down the days to my first month. Woohoo!
     
  12. Atlanticus

    Atlanticus Moderator Assistant
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    Excellent post/thread: well told, IMO!
     
  13. wow, this is quite amazing, I never got one, so to think the damage from p, is quite amazing. glad I am quitting M and o.
     
    Lightseeker likes this.
  14. Sweet. A little tip: Ignore all the Western relationship advice. It no longer applies to you. Chinese girls are very different.
     
  15. SelfControlIsTheGoal

    SelfControlIsTheGoal Fapstronaut

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    Four month streak with stakes :p Goodluck!
     

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