Read this.

Hey there - clash here.

I haven't posted in a while and I completely missed my ninety day post, but I hope that I can make it up today

I didn't post on day ninety because... I got caught up in life. Simple as that. No big deal. Things happen. So I'm coming at you from Day 112!

To be honest, after about day eighty I lost track of how long I had gone with jerking off. It's just kind of a part of my life now. I do still have urges but they're pretty easy to deal with. I can even watch trigger ridden material (Don Jon, for example. Not sure if it qualifies but it's a great film that had me smiling at the end. Check it out. It's on Netflix - SOME triggers though if memory serves), though I don't recommend watching trigger material if you can avoid it.

What I think that I've learned or gained is... To appreciate girls more as people. But to understand this or get the same experience, let me give you some context. I went Monk mode. I tried to not look at girl's asses, boobs, and instead focusing on the conversation. Her eyes. How beautiful some girls can be. And yeah that's still pretty materialistic, caring only about the surface but... I don't know. I love looking at beautiful girl's faces. Can't help it. I get entranced.

But I'm also prone to caring about a girl's personality way more. Even if a girl is super cute but her personality leaves a lot to be desired, I find myself not being too interested. Now I'm not saying that I'm a Casanova now, all I'm saying is I now have a better understanding of what I want and I'm not afraid to go after it. Whether I get the girl or don't, it doesn't matter. I love the chase and the chase simply makes it all worth it.

Do things that are uncomfortable. Cold showers are now delightful. I mean, they're still painful if I'm getting up at 5:30am, but other than that if it's 10:00am instead when I'm showering, they feel amazing. I've also learned that pushing yourself as far as you can go is how you feel best. Some great dare devils in history have said that the time when they felt most alive was when they were closest to death. On a less extreme example, this can be true of daily life. Do things that scare or make you nervous. It'll only feel better once you do them.

I have a steady bedrock of who I am. My moods sometimes change and I can feel better or worse, but I'm generally pretty solid on where I am. Each day, I usually start at about an 8 or so. I can fluctuate but not as much as I used to. The worst I've felt in a while is probably a 6. Best is a 10. And the 10's feel so much better than they used to. But this also came with making an active effort to meditate every day. Recently, I've been slacking but for real. Meditation is killer. I'm so much calmer and at peace when I do than when I don't.

I've picked up new things, put my all into my life, and in general I've become comfortable with myself. I've started weight-lifting and have a routine that I perform weekly. I do yoga. I have soccer practice twice a week and games on weekends. As a teenager, I have a job. I get my school work done and maintain my grades. I attend social events a few times a week. I try to meditate every day. I hang out with friends whenever I can. And if I have free time, then it feels that much sweeter because of how rare it is. And it's because of nofap that I have the self-discipline and control to maintain it.

And all these new interests and hobbies have made me chill around people, girls and guys alike because I know that even if I want to hang out with them and we don't, I always have a back up. I'll go practice. I'll read. I can clean up, get a work out in. I'm not reliant on others. And let me just say that since I've adopted that attitude, that it's not too big of a deal to hang out with people I've been doing it all the more. I don't get canceled on a lot anymore. In fact, the last time I got canceled on by a friend was I think a month or so. And it was for legit reasons.

The thing is, Nofap is beneficial for life. It gives you time, energy, vitality, self-discipline, and confidence. And although I still have my down moments I know that with time, all things must come to pass. That's true for feelings as well.

I don't think that I ever want to quit this challenge. It's awesome to know that I can go out at anytime and be comfortable in my own skin. Not feel the guilt of watching porn or the shame of wanting something I can't have. Sometimes that's girls. And that's okay.

Take it from a Day 111-er. It's worth it.

 

Thanks for the replies!