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How to not relapse when you are alone on Friday night?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by rishabhv66, May 27, 2017.

  1. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    Hi,
    I am 27, an introvert guy suffering from low self-esteem. I got addicted to it since 18-19. I have been trying not to relapse from past 2 years and still no success. I have been able to complete 2, 30 day streak in last 2 years but that's it.
    Currently, my life is in a situation where I am lonely, depressed and don't like my job. When you work for 10-hours mon-fri and don't like it, it gets tuff to slog man. I am still confused about my career. Due to my depression, low self-esteem and living in a country where there is no dating culture, [you are either seriously committed or married], it's difficult not to relapse especially on Friday night. I mean I don't have much friends. I am living far away from my school, college friends. Last Friday night, I was sitting all alone in my room while beautiful people where partying[I assumed]. I felt like I'm left out. I don't have much of a social life and I am yet to decide about my next career move.
    Friday is the most difficult day. How not to relapse on Friday night ? Anybody has any idea?
     
    Last edited: May 27, 2017
  2. Ms123

    Ms123 Fapstronaut

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    Go put yourself out there man. If you're out doing things then that will keep you occupied long enough so that you don't give in. Even if it's doing things by yourself, still get out there and try.
     
  3. Ghost_Rider

    Ghost_Rider Fapstronaut

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    If you dont do 90 days of no pmo, You will not change nor will your life will change.
    If you can't have control over yourself for 90 days , how can you have control over your life?
     
    Hisself likes this.
  4. InfinitePossibilities

    InfinitePossibilities Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like you have plenty of time for Meditation, which is great! :)

    Seriously, Meditation does make you feel like you have made the best out of leisure time. Not being depressed alone at home. But connecting with yourself and every living beeing by diving deep into your very soul.

    If you want to learn some basic techniques, just tell me i'd be pleased to teach you.
     
  5. Fork2323

    Fork2323 Fapstronaut

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    Just go to sleep.. 10 hour days.. you must be exausted
     
  6. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    @Ms123 @Ghost_Rider - It's kinda awkward to eat, drink alone in bars, restaurant etc. People look at you especially women and give that awkward smile. You have no option than to check you mobile phone while sitting or what else you gonna do ? @InfinitePossibilities - One thing that I have not left is workout and trying to eat healthy to cope up with my loneliness. @Fork2323 - 150 day ? woah! nice going man.

    Guys, I am planning to to solo trip to Goa. It's a party capital of India and also has some best beaches of Asia. People from all across the world comes there. May be that will bring a change in my daily routine. But I am afraid again it might be awkward sitting alone in bars, pubs, restaurant. And also all the travelling will cost some bucks.
     
  7. recoome

    recoome Fapstronaut

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    Recently I went on a solo trip to the mountains. There were good and bad experiences.
    If this is your first solo trip then
    Advice: Book the hotel before hand. Else it can be very costly. The 'guides' will lead you to their hotel and that will cost a lot. It's not easy getting rid of guides.

    I had a friend in the mountains where I went. He lived nearby and helped on phone as to where should I go next. That helps.

    There will be times when you may get very bored. I even cried. But there will also be good times.

    Don't expect for any life-changing epiphany to happen. This happens only in movies. Treat it as an adventure. Nothing more, nothing less.
     
    silenteagle likes this.
  8. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    I will easily carry on till friday..Lets hope this friday night I don't relapse
     
  9. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    It's all about the way you hold yourself. If you sit there looking shy and timid; checking your phone every five seconds, people will assume you've been stood up. If however, you put your phone away, sit back and take in your surroundings, or read a book, or even just go online and read some articles or something, you will give out a completely different vibe. I live in a busy inner city, and I see plenty of men and women eating/drinking/simply sitting alone (myself included). I always find myself viewing them with a sense of curiosity; wondering what their story is. I loving going places by myself. It gives me a sense of freedom you just can't feel when you've got someone else with you.

    Going out alone is also a great way to build confidence. It puts you in a situation where you can't rely on anyone else for support or guidance. This might sound off putting, but often when I've been somewhere by myself, I'm forced to interact with others around me. The more you interact with strangers on a social level, the more your confidence will grow and you'll find yourself flowing in conversation effortlessly in your day to day life.

    Lastly, you'll be surprised at how much more approachable you become when you're by yourself. People are much more open to approaching someone who's on their own with their guard down, than if they were out with their friends, being loud and obnoxious.

    My point is, going out alone doesn't make you look lonely, it makes you look interesting. You get to spend blissful uninterrupted hours people watching, and just enjoying your life with no disturbances. It's really quite liberating.

    If I were you, I'd make myself look sharp, and head out to a bar or restaurant on Friday, instead of sitting in my room resisting the urge to masturbate.

    Hey, you never know what could happen or who you might meet...
     
    Username1021 likes this.
  10. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    Alright, I'll try this and share my experiences.
     
  11. OneWithTheUnderdogs

    OneWithTheUnderdogs Fapstronaut

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    Good plan dude. I think you're definitely tackling this the right way.

    Let us know how you get on!

    I feel like you'll be pleasantly surprised...
     
  12. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    Ok. So its Friday night and the plan was to go out without a drinking partner as I don't have one. Unfortunately, I have an interview scheduled on Monday for which I need to prepare hard. I am going to sleep early so that I can wake up early tomorrow and study. As I said earlier, I don't like my current job and this is a good chance. Good Night.
     
  13. Mixtec

    Mixtec Fapstronaut

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    So its Friday night? You have an interview set for Monday? Homeboy listen to yourself make excuses! I was like you constantly making excuses as to why I shouldn't leave the house. You have to confront life and make risks that will result in your healing! Go out...eat and drink by yourself...it's hard to be alone and I will admit that but you have crush that part of you thats preventing you from healing. Yes I know how work and money are important but do you really want to be one of those people who are successful but yet never happy with themselves?
     
  14. silenteagle

    silenteagle Fapstronaut

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    Why not use Tinder/Some other dating app if you are desperately looking for dates?Or try to join some spiritual or social group-Meetup/any other way.
     
  15. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and the way your life is right now commit to making positive changes that are going to set you on the right path. This is what sets the losers apart from the successful people in this world. Successful people have a winning mentality they don’t let rejection hold them back because you NEED to fail if you are to succeed. Everything is a learning experience.

    Read self help, watch videos on YouTube about body language and confidence etc… Check out this dating coach https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCm9vxWZXU_JA0coIBeSAk6A

    You need to turn yourself into the person you want to be. You can’t expect anything to change when you are taking no action. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Now I’m sure you are not a crazy person right?

    Work on your social skills become that person who can meet people go out there do approaches. Adopt this principle. Observation is the key. Observe everything that is happening around you. Watch how other guys interact with girls, learn from it. Pay attention to everything use real world stimuli to create natural conversation with people.

    Fake it till you make it.
     
    OneWithTheUnderdogs likes this.
  16. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    It is difficult. I don't say I don't get female attention. I do observe how girls starts playing with their hair and see me. I am not ugly and also not super handsome. I am just another guy.
    The problem is my brain needs validation. I don't see myself here being an average Indian guy for the rest of my life. I don't get that motivation to talk to girls. To even say how do you do? I was not like this in college and school. It's also not like I am doing bad. I have a job but its not something I can continue to do till retirement. Unless, I go for a post graduation or get the job that I have always wanted (which is difficult as I also don't wanna relocate to a bad place and get more lonely just because I like the job). I am getting jaded, old and its reflecting in my personality.

    The truth is in India, people are more racists than you think. A north Indian will not mingle with a South Indian and vice versa. People judge you based on your culture, color, surname etc...I am a north Indian and the situation can change if I get a job in North India but I guess this can be an excuse for many people. The truth is I am not a social guy. I am an introvert and get straight to the point.
     
  17. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    I did go out eat alone in McDonalds, KFC etc. but I don't have the courage to go out alone to drink beer. That would be awkward.
     
    Username1021 likes this.
  18. rishabhv66

    rishabhv66 Fapstronaut

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    Tinder doesn't work in India like in white countries. There is no dating culture here. I installed tinder for 3-4 months. Got around 9-10 matches but most of them were not attractive. The ones which I swipe right doesn't find me attractive. The conversation doesn't last more than a day in general. I have uninstalled it
     
  19. Resolved Oregonian

    Resolved Oregonian Fapstronaut

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    What is your daily routine?
     

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