Mindfulness development

It's normal to have disruptive thoughts. The key is to not beat yourself up about, or get anxious about it, because that will just frustrate you / make things worse. Just calmly allow those thoughts to pass on their way - think of them as clouds moving through a skyline, emptying to leave it blue again. Soon enough, and inevitably, more clouds appear - just notice them and allow them to pass too. The fact that you are noticing all the thoughts and their number / speed suggests you are thinking along the right lines for mindfulness. Most people just stay on the thought train and don't try to jump off. Mindfulness helps us to jump off now and again, and - to an extent - reset.

 

I've been consistently meditating twice daily for over two years now, and there's nothing "wrong" or unusual about having days or strings of days when it's more difficult to connect to your inner peace. This is normal and natural. You will also have days and strings of days when you are able to just shut your eyes and melt like butter into blissful inner calm. Your life is always changing and evolving, and this affects the strength, velocity, frequency and duration of your thoughts, as well as your ability to dismiss them. You will naturally develop and get better at being mindful over time if you practice consistently, but there should be no goal to "eliminate" thoughts. Instead just continue to practice regaining your focus gently and without judgment. What you are describing is quite natural and like @Woodchester said, your concern is in fact a good sign that you are carrying the right attitude.

 

I am not sure if this is the answer you are looking for but: there is an independent observer in you. A part of you that can stand back and observe the haos in us. You cannnot stop your thoughts but you can direct them or focuss them on something: for example on physical sensation in your body.... and let it be, on a feeling, and let it be.
If you do it right those sensations and feelings shift and change on their own.

The trap to avoid it to judge what you are experiencing as negative in any way...if u do it then u are getting into a fight with who you are and that only makes the issue persist for longer. But once u accept all unwanted sensations or emotions as yours understanding they are protecting you, then they will start changing on their own and u start integrating on a deep level. Mindfulness is giving time to whatever without allowing that thought to owerehelm you. But even if you get overwhelmed, then that observer can witness what is happening from a safe unaffected place. To illustrate it: you are trying to focus on your breathing and then all of a sudden a thought about dinner comes into your head. U start wondering if u want to eat chicken or turkey and what souse would go with it. Mindfulness is noticing that your thoughts have slipped and seeing youself wondering about that dinner and being aware you are doing it and watching yourself for a while ....without straight away jumping into self criticism or terminating those thoughts. U can give them some time and then refocus ur mind on breathing again. But U start operating from this deeply slowed down, peaceful and composed place rather than from sudden jeek decisions. So you should be aware of your bodily sensations and thinking and the birds and others.... in the present moment. It is like u can spread your awareness around and occupy a grater place.

People who are not mindful lack that ability to stay safely in the observer position. They think that their thoughts and emotions is them and they get deeply entangled with what they are feeling, sometimes loosing themselves in it. It is like the feeing and though becomes them and that is all they are aware of. With mindfulness you can spread your awareness around and learn to be aware of what is happening now without trying to change it, run away from it or latching onto it for extended periods of time. It is like u give it some time and space and then let it slip away when it is ready to go.

There is also something called disassociation where you disconnect from your feelings and that is not healthy. It is a protective mechanism that in a long time makes one feel like and exhile from their life. It makes you feel like you are seperate from yourself or above ur feelings, body, sensations, disconnected, sometimes people can feel like their life is not theirs and everything in life is a movie in the cinema. It kind of feels like you are an outsider watching yourself and orhers via a glass window. It can feel like numbness too. If that is what you are experiencing then to heal from that one needs to practice body mindfulness.


You also have thoughts and emotional suppression where u judge and disassociate with parts of yourself you dislike. That is not healthy and it is part of addiction where u focus on something else in order not to feel certain emotions or to distract from persistent thoughts. It is part of running away mechanism from who we are...

I cannnot work out what you experiencing but I hope this helps a little or I might be completely off the wack here....

 

Yes I disabled incoming PMs but I can send you one and we'll be able to talk on it.

 

Here is what I try to do. Three steps all of which can be accomplished in a minute or less:

1. Acknowledgment of thoughts / feelings
Stop. Bring yourself back to the present and just notice you are having an unhelpful thought or feeling. Remind yourself that it is JUST a thought - it doesn't really exist in a physical, tangible way.

2. Breath
Gently redirect your attention away from this and onto the breath. The breath can be an anchor for your attention - gentle focus on that is what you need. Overthinking is the enemy of mindfulness.

3. Connect with your body
Expand your awareness to include your whole body. Be present and safe inside your body. Notice any tension in the body - no effort to get rid of it, just notice it's there - and remember your thoughts are just thoughts and are not who you are.