Just turned 29 and still a virgin with no girlfriend. However...

I'm at the point in my life where I'm about to reach a milestone until next year. I don't know where to begin. All my life I've struggled with my success involving women. Although I can still talk to them, have meaningful conversations, and still have female friends, my confidence in pursuing a relationship has never been accomplished.

Do I feel embarrassed? Yeah somewhat. I've never had a date and it's been 8 years since I've had a kiss. And you think your love life is bad? Well, think again. On top of all that, I have my elderly parents to take care of, cultural expectations that I'm supposed to fulfill, a highly religious father that I have to deal with, and so on.

My mental health is something that I'm worried about if I ever do meet a woman. I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 disorder since I was 14 and I take medication on a daily basis. It's depressive moods instead of manic. Furthermore, all of these things have kept me from pursuing a meaningful relationship. All my life I was forced to take care of someone else while never having time to myself, so I can improve.

To make matters worse, I've been heartbroken so many times either because of bad luck or inexperience. Surprisingly, I'm a decent looking guy, but have had trouble connecting with the opposite sex. I don't know why I keep having these misfortunes. I was once hurt so badly that it nearly drove me to suicide. After that, I've been hesitant ever since.

Now that I'm 29, I'm finally allowing myself to focus on something else besides women, that can make me happy. I've been interested in plants and horticulture lately. I realized that I love traveling, and I'm finally experiencing what it's like to live on my own. I've worked so hard to get to this point. I have a college degree, a car, a full time job, am I'm looking for my first apartment. I feel guilty of what I'm doing because it's against my cultural standards, but at the same time, I want my own life.

I'm planning to move hundreds of miles away from my family, learn how to take care of myself, get away from all the stress at home, and most importantly, get away from all of the bad experiences I've had with women. I've come to realize that they will not make me happy, and that it will take something extraordinary to make me believe that a relationship is possible.

Deep down, however, I know there is at least someone who truly loves and cares about me. But rather than go searching and having my heart broken over and over, I will now let her come to me while I focus on other things. And I also refuse to get a girlfriend until I know that I can take care of myself. That's why I'm moving out. It's the only way that I can have a meaningful relationship.

So to all the Fapstronauts reading this post, please don't give up and have some hope. There is someone out there for all of you, but you must work hard and be patient. Otherwise, you'll end up like me. Scared, hesitant, and unwilling to be in a relationship. Your time will come; everyone will find that special someone according to their internal clock. Some will have what's waiting for them sooner than others. It doesn't mean that they're better than you; it just means that their time has arrived.

Also, I hope you realize that there are some people out there that are worst than you. You must focus on other things besides a woman that will make you happy. As long as you're happy with yourself, your time will come. No one wants to be with someone who is needy and desperately wants to be loved. True relationships will never last that way. Other than that, I hope all of you will get my message. I take this matter very seriously.

 

I appreciate your support, but in my mind, I don't think my experiences is that depressing. If I allow it to be that way, I will never improve. At least I've given myself credit for trying even though I've failed with these women; furthermore, I've learned to accept my mistakes. Rather than beat myself over and over, I've also learned to let it go. So no, I don't think my experiences (no girlfriend, virgin, etc.) are that depressing at all, but rather a learning experience. I know I have the potential to get a girlfriend, but I have to be the best version of me. And sooner or later, I will get there.

 

Thanks I appreciate it. I do agree that people nowadays take the whole virgin thing to another level. Losing your virginity isn't some accomplishment or privilege, and should be taken seriously. Sometimes I get sick and tired to of hearing people, such as young folks, complain about how they haven't got laid and whatnot. Be proud of your virginity, and save it for the real special someone who you will meet in life. So yes, I agree entirely about what you're saying.

Furthermore, thanks for your sympathy about my medical condition. Although, I've been worried about this for quite some time, what you've mentioned makes sense. Just because you have a condition, whether physical or mental, your SO should love you no matter what.

And as for my goals and dreams, I've never been more motivated to pursue them in my life. I deserve to have the freedom that others have had, especially my younger brothers who have gone to college by themselves or went to live in another state. I'm very excited to take this opportunity, and I will make the most of it. Thanks again man

 

I think sooner or later, when the time comes, you should consider doing the same thing I'm doing. I'm not saying you should leave your family or desert them completely, but to have some time off for yourself. You deserve it. I know your family will need you, but realize that this is only temporary. Someone, whether it's your brother or another family member, has to step up and take over while you're gone. You've taken care of your family your whole life, and I think it's time that you should take care of yourself.

Moving out is not easy, but save up and do your research. When the time comes, you'll be able to help your family again. And another thing is you should never hold back. Even though it's against our cultural standards, just know that you have a life of your own, and you should live it the way you want. Even though I have a great family and good friends, I've had this empty void inside me for so long, and now I've figured out why.

And as the saying goes, "patience is a virtue" is something that I take seriously now more than ever. Look at it this way: How do you think I've accomplished all of my goals? Such as my degree, car, and full time job? It was through hard work, and just as important, it was through patience. I feel the same applies to meeting my first girlfriend. However, don't ever rush yourself into a relationship, especially when you have other obligations such as your family. This is something I've learned the hard way.

 

Hey JimmyJohn, at least we have something in common lol. I think think Conor McGregor is awesome. But also, I hear what you're saying. I'm surprised that you consider your breakup was more of a learning experience than a misfortune. For me, it took years to realize that, but in the same situation as you, I'm glad that it happened as well. The experience that I had made me realize the many things that I needed to work on such as my confidence and self-esteem. And now, I finally have that opportunity. Other than that, thanks for your support man.

 

I completely understand what you're saying. However, after all I've been through, the mindset that I've developed throughout the years have been stronger than ever. There is no way I will turn this about, and I can not bear to face these misfortunes again; I've suffered more than enough. That's why I'm taking this so seriously. I do not want to ever go through this again. And like I said, I will not change the mindset that I already have. I will not get a girlfriend until I learn how to take care of myself, and no woman on earth will change me until I accomplish this goal. I've made this promise to myself and I'm sticking to it.

Even if I do meet new people, I will take your advice on improving my social skills. However, there are unknown elements that I haven't told you or anyone else on this thread. Why? Because it's personal on a much deeper level. I do appreciate your concern and I know you're trying to help. But as you can see, I have no intention of going back to my old ways. I will remain patient until she comes into my life. At the same time, I will continue to focus on my own goals and interests, and meeting new people as you've mentioned.

Like I've said, I've gone through enough, and owe it to myself to continue what I'm doing now. Not only have I been hurt, but I've hurt other people as well. Karma does not happen right away, but it happens at the right moment. And this is something I've learned the hard way. And because I've experienced both sides of being hurt and hurting others, I don't plan on making these mistakes ever again. I'm true to my word, and there is no person in this world who will change my mind.

 

Thanks for your support man Now that I'm getting older, subjects like sex or intimacy doesn't bother me like it used to. I've grown accustomed to the fact that I'm still a virgin, but that shouldn't hold me back from pursuing a girlfriend in general. Ever since I started focusing on myself like you said, my attitude on life has gotten better. I feel okay with where I'm at, and I'm having an easier time accepting what I have. Before, all I could think of was getting a girlfriend. It was on my mind every single day. Now, I have more freedom to focus on enjoying other things in life; I haven't felt this good in a while, and I'm planning to keep the momentum going.