Ugh I am so angry at myself

sorry to hear man, thanks for the ispiration for people like me! We are all in this together

 

Don't make this relapse calamity for you.'' 102 days '' is a tremendous triumph.You gonna be more meticulous against triggers in your next streak.So you won't escalate your urges.Don't feel culpable.

 

First of all, well done on lasting through 102 days! That is indeed a big triumph. I imagine these next few days/weeks might be the hardest, since many people tend to relapse and then binge. However, if you just went for 102 days, I'm confident you'll be able to draw on your willpower and do it again.

I highly recommend you do not tempt yourself by looking at porn, even if you feel in control of yourself. From my experience, browsing and looking through porn eventually leads to edging, which always eventually leads to more edging, and finally a relapse.

You can definitely learn from this that edging is extremely likely to get you to relapse, so steer absolutely clear from that.

Just keep going, I think you'll start to feel better again in no-time.

 

Triple digits man wow, just watch out next time! The smallest things can cause the male mind to flip!

 

I would say back to the start unfortunately. I know it's tough but you want to be honest with yourself and others. Awesome work though, I would see it as learning curve and an opportunity to show your resilience.

 

Some of my finest withdrawal streaks ended in similar way ("Wow, I lasted for so long and it felt so easy. I wonder if I can do *something* and resist the urge" -> proceed to fail).

Edging is never a good idea, I learnt this here on NoFap and my PMO resistance went up tremendously.

At least you tested for us that erotic hypnosis is a big no-no. It might help someone one day.


Just don't give up

 

I cannot speak from experience, but as far as I understand how the reboot works, you will retain most of your progress. Of course you feel like shit after relapsing after so long. But don't take it too hard. Focusing on the relapse will likely make you depreciate your achievements. And they're what really counts.
Of course, it's good that you reset your counter. But that doesn't mean those 102 days never happened. You earned them yourself and got wiser and stronger. You are probably still way more sociable than when you started noFap. Maybe the women really just SEEM less charmed by you, because you know what just happened, and are expecting something like that?
You shouldn't compare yourself with your former self from the time you started your journey, because this is not who you are anymore. And I see that you wanted to be "at the top of your game" when school starts, but does it really matter?
This is not really about how many days you've been abstinent in a row, but only about your dedication and persistence. It's just numbers to motivate you - so you can see your progress. But they shouldn't bother you because of one weak moment.
As long as you are determined to quit PMO, you're on the right way.

And I can only second dreamdm's advice: Do NOT test your limits. If you want to stop PMO for good, staying strong is "all you have to do". You don't have to prove yourself that you can withstand the temptation - in fact, that's not even what you want, but what your brain is telling you it is you want. As you can see for yourself now, giving in and edging wasn't a rational thing for you to do.

I'm only two weeks in, but I've already had my first relapse and found some triggers I can now avoid. One of them was to tell me this lie too: "if I'm tempting myself and can prevail, it will make me stronger" (and it was also with an erotic audio file, so I can relate to your struggling very well).
But we all here know that that's not how this addiction works - that it's a lie we're telling ourselves without noticing. And thus, in this moments, I try to focus and ask myself: "What is it I'm about to do?" - "Will this help me or make things worse?" - "Is it my own decision or an inner urge that's tempting me?"

I would be proud to reach the 100 days mark, and will hopefully do. You don't really have a reason to be angry with yourself. You should be proud of your achievement, learn from your mistakes, and look ahead. Good luck, buddy!

 

It is amazing that you bounced back from this relapse after 100 days straight into your current streak of over 1,000 days. That is impressive. It is like the straw that broke the camels back, or the final edge-piece of a jigsaw puzzle: we all need to find the thing that tips us over from the cycle of sobriety and relapse that we spend so long in. For me it was finding this site, and for you it looks like it was what you learnt from this relapse.

 

I can relate massively to this. Isn't it uncanny the way when we reach a huge milestone in this quest so many of us stumble (talking about people who genuinely quit PMO and not those who just allow their counters to continue regardless of daily jerking off lol). I read a fantastic book on this called the perfect matrimony and it delves deeply into the topic of transmutation of sexual energy (retention of sperm) into spiritual power (prana). Primarily one of the things I remember so vividly about this book is the challenges presented (in this case temptation with regards to the erotic hypnosis tapes) at each milestone in this journey which can coincidentally be tied in perfectly to the Pranic energy rising through the spinal column and halting at each chakra (the chakras representing the milestones). The book goes on to describe these challenges as being the greatest challenges a man can experience in life (according to spiritual teachers virtually impossible to overcome without Yoga and Meditation) and when each one is overcome the man essentially ascends to a higher level of being. These challenges can present them selves as many different forms of temptation such as temptation to use prostitutes or erotic massages; porn or any other form of sexual simulation or the worst in my opinion, the dreamtime visits (wet dreams). The yogis and ancient spiritual teachers believed that the entities who visit you in your dreams (beautiful women) to be demons called succubus and their work is to rob you of your spiritual liberation ! Whether you take all of this as metaphorical or literally, I still think it is immensely interesting that we are all affected much in the same way and that these obstacles ever so coincidentally seem to present themselves at very specific times within a mans quest for liberation.

 

Any recommendations for threads on how to avoid triggers? Much appreciated.