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my story with transwoman porn

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Anankos, Jun 4, 2017.

  1. Anankos

    Anankos New Fapstronaut

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    I just wanted to post to see if there were others in similar situations and get this off my chest.

    I'd always watched transwoman porn (even just before losing my virginity to a woman) but I'd also watched BBW, anime and various other porn along side it and my erections were fine. I briefly went on a banging spree for about a year (online dating) and then a series of multiple setbacks (getting multi-dumped, fired) in a short period of time led to me becoming depressed. This was three years ago. Since then I've not been with a woman and have been using porn excessively.

    Sometime during the last three years (I'm not sure exactly when) I found I could only be aroused by transwoman porn, and then only having semi-erections, enough to masturbate but too thin/precarious too satisfy a woman. A lot of the time there's no response. I even ended up hiring a transwoman escort too get some satisfaction and to see if I might be gay. I could just penetrate her/him, and the experience was OK, but it didn't really help clarify anything. The experience was very similar to being with a regular woman.

    Now only sissy porn turns me on and imagining myself as a woman having breasts and being used by men and the like, but men themselves do very little for me. I never see a man in the street and think 'damnnn' like I do with a woman, but even with a woman I think has beautiful eyes or a great arse there is zero trouser response. Very occasionally fake incest porn (like marge and bart) and scat porn arouses me, and I'm not imaging myself as the woman in those situations, but 95% of the time it's sissy porn. I used to be so attracted to women, and have properly hard erections only three years ago. Not being able to get properly aroused is really, really depressing me. If I don't ejaculate at least once every second day I get really agitated. Maybe it's not porn. Maybe I am gay. Maybe I have some kind of blocked penis artery because of a lifetime of junk food. I just wish I could go back to the way I was.
     
    Evolver1 likes this.
  2. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

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    You're having an identity crisis. I would recommend finding a therapist to help you work through it. Gay men, in general, do not imagine themselves as women, nor do they find women sexually attractive, as a rule. Being gay is about manhood being attracted to manhood.

    If you imagine yourself as a woman, then that points to other confusion, like discovering that you are actually a woman born in a man's body, transsexual.

    But these are questions that a professional should help you sort out.
     
  3. Anankos

    Anankos New Fapstronaut

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    I've considered the transgender thing. Being a beautiful woman is a long time fantasy, but I don't hate being a man or feel uncomfortable with my genitals or anything. I'm not sure. When I spoke to a therapist about this before she didn't really acknowledge what I was saying. If I see another therapist I'll raise it again.
     
  4. Anankos

    Anankos New Fapstronaut

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    In terms of visuals and sensation the experience was very similar to having anal sex with a female escort. Thanks to surgery and hormones she looked just like a woman, even down to fat distribution. Her penis was not much involved in it. I'm not under any illusions about this being a normal state of affairs or similar to non-paid sex though.
     
  5. Powerlifter25

    Powerlifter25 Fapstronaut

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    I don't think there is anything psychologically wrong with you. According to Victor Cline's Four Factor syndrome of addiction, there are four stages to the addiction process. The first is the fantasy, second is escalation, third is desensitization, then acting out. You started out liking regular women, fantasizing about them but and soon escalated to P seeking to be further satisfied which is where you escalated to different types such as scat, bbw, anime, and transwoman. Once you were desensitized to the videos and images you had to take your addiction to he real world and act out your feelings to try to get more aroused.

    You are searching for more and more ways to satisfy your addiction and it isn't working so much so that you're Psychology is being affected. Try laying off the P for an extended amount of time and see if you feel differently. I had a similar experience where only trannssexual P would arouse me most of the time and then gradually it moved to sissy, but never imagined myself as a woman with breasts. That could just be your mind looking for more and more escalation. I think it's normal, and you and recover. Read up on the four factor syndrome, it was originally constructed for use with pornography, but is mostly used on serial killer's to under their behavior of addiction.

    I hope this is helpful.
     
    dorayaki and Anankos like this.
  6. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

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    Still, a competent therapist, who's experienced in these specific questions could be very helpful in sorting it all out. It's important to shop for one, though, and intervirew him/her about the kinds of clients helped, and to see ask what kinds of things you might talk about. I would never trust my psyche to anyone whom I hadn't vetted to ensure that I would be taken absolutely seriously and treated with complete respect.
     
  7. Themadfapper

    Themadfapper Fapstronaut

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    What about Twinks. They have gear no one at that level could ever get on their own. Also, there are gays who's entire persona is a mimicry of women. Some dress effeminate, claim to identify with women, they try to hangout like one of the girls, they have extreme feminine affectations they deliberately emulate women.

    @ Anankos.

    The fact is your a dude, and there is nothing you can do about it. Destroying your body and getting butchered by some doctors is not going to improve things for you. If this path you are heading down is leading in that direction? Get off the path and change direction.

    Personally, I don't think there is anything magical about sex. It's a very overrated commodity. That you didn't find much difference between the transgendered person's asshole and a woman's doesn't surprise me. Emotionally there might be guilt, despondency, but I don't see any huge physical difference.
     
  8. Bearish

    Bearish Fapstronaut

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    I'm going to reply to this patiently because I've now read your threads, although I am also acquainted with others of your posts, and it seems you do have a little sensitivity, at least for yourself.

    Your remarks about gay people came across to me as hateful. I'm sure this can't be true, but the words make it sound as if you had no LGBT people in your life whom you loved, or that if you did, you didn't really know them at all.

    I would like to ask you to reconsider how you have expressed yourself here. I took it very badly, and I know that it was not your intention to paint such stark and inhuman stereotypes of human beings who struggle with all the same life challenges as you do, while many struggle with many more and others many fewer.

    Thank you--
     
  9. Billster

    Billster Fapstronaut

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    I to have watched the transwoman porn and found it arousing, love to watch big cums and see cumshots, I am not gay but find it all erotic.
     
  10. Oskar kantor

    Oskar kantor Fapstronaut

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    Animo
    A mi me Sucedió igual Comence inofensivamente con Pornografía heterosexuales y LUEGO transexual y Gay llegue a tener sexo con chicas trans y gays.... Pero me sentía un asco con todo respeto pues me fascinan las mujeres... Me di cuenta que el problema no era yo sino la facilidad con la que encontraba esos contenidos en internet así que bloquee el internet en mi equipo móvil y mi computador con esto he despejado mi mente y 100% comprobado no he tenido pensamientos trans y gays....y me meti en el GYM para ocupar mi tiempo libre y me ha ido súper bien no he tenido erecciones con mujeres pero poco a poco yo se que volveran .....
    Confundido ANIMO HERMANO TU ERES UN HOMBRE Y ESTAS ES CONFUNDIDO....ANIMO MI HERMANO Y UN SALUDO DESDE COLOMBIA
     
  11. Oskar kantor

    Oskar kantor Fapstronaut

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    Lee lo que escribí para que dejes la pornografia trans y hay ....animo tu eres un hombre y solo estas confundido....
     
  12. Ah this is one of those things. You can't beat yourself up about what you liked. Or like.

    I reckon that we generally like our own desires. If you don't then maybe it's from porn. Give it up and see how you feel. If you still like transsexuals (transwoman is insulting, I'm told). If you do then decide how you feel about that. We don't necessarily need to follow specific desires
     
  13. What i mean is that you can like TS women and other women too. Giving up porn may reveal that. It may also reveal that you like them a lot. And then maybe you want to pursue that. Who knows. But watching a lot of porn distorts what you desire
     
    Flyhigh and Bel like this.
  14. Resurrectinglogos

    Resurrectinglogos Fapstronaut

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    Psychologically I was in a similar situation till last month. Ritualistically enjoying transwoman porn, till i got turned to sissy and futa stuff. Went through a phase of depression complete identity crisis on multiple level (sexual, personhood, culturally and professionally) and gained weight.
    Its been 32 days since nofap my obsessive thoughts have moved away (from transwoman/sissy/futa) to obsessive thought on women and affection for them to truly have an interdependent relationship.
    In the last 4 weeks I realized, even if I did get the urge to look at porn to tell my self, "whats the point?"
    Its costing me time and clarity of mind. And at this stage of life I can no longer afford these cost.
    So I went back for first principle based thinking.
    I know I love and relish the comfort a woman's presence offers and look forward to every opportunity I get them to make them laugh.
    I know I am not gay, sure I understand and appreciate my feminine side, but to me that just help facilitate my meaningful conversation I end up having with women.
    For me what it came down was I wanted to be honest with myself and carry myself in the best spoken personal truth, and the more I am doing it the more I have more engaging and meaningful conversations.
     
    Flyhigh likes this.
  15. Flyhigh

    Flyhigh Fapstronaut

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    You're having identity crisis because of watching too much of that kind of porn. Stay away from it, pray, and eventually God will lead you to the right path and reveal your true identity in Jesus Christ. You're not gay and anything don't put that in your head. You said you lost your virginity to a girl before, that's your true identity and that's what porn stole from you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 9, 2017
    John_Smith likes this.
  16. KrmGrn

    KrmGrn Fapstronaut

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    I don't think there's anything wrong with you. And I think gender and sexuality can be much more individual than society tells us. If you're feeling confused, a good therapist can always help. It can be good to have a sympathetic, understanding person (who's confidential) to talk to.

    I also don't think there's anything wrong necessarily about who or what you're attracted to or what turns you on (as long as it's legal!). However, for me, I know porn has led to more fetishes than I had before porn. It's a well established fact that porn addiction creates a desire for more and more novelty. And that's often why people with porn addictions end up with fetishes. When I'm staying away from porn my desires and attractions become about real people in my life instead of fantasy images on a screen. For me that's important.

    When I stay away from porn, what I'm attracted to returns to a place that's more authentic and feels healthier for me.

    And again finding a therapist who understands these issues can often be very helpful in getting some perspective.
     

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