Deeply disappointed 56 year old

Im not that person ur looking for probably. But I want to let you know I feel with you. Never give up on yourself. No matter how many times u tried or failed. Birds dont just fly they fall down and get up!

There is light at the end of tunnels just keep moving step by step.
Dont you have a long lost hobby, or some relatives or places u can visit that might cheer u up?

 

Sometimes i feel so bad and i think" it cant be the flatline because symptoms are so real. " Hell, i even convinced myself that i was gonna have a heart attack and waited to die. It feels do hopeless and bad sometimes but the good point is it means you are healing its just taking some time. Try to drink some daily green tea it helps with dopamine while recovery. Best of luck and please do remember it happens to best of us.

 

I've only skimmed your threads to catch up. Are you taking medications, and are you working with a therapist? I'm no psychological professional, but based on your tone and expressions, you might benefit from some time in the hospital.

I am a firm believer in the value of the mental health care system. You could spend some time with some intense therapy, which might give you a double benefit of therapy and the zero access to PMO.

I don't know whether that's helpful, but I feel your pain, and I sympathize. You've been trying to do this all on your own, and you don't have to.

Peace--

 

Lets's begin with "story of success". You already made your greatest success long time ago: YOU ARE ALIVE.

Mature man - maybe. There are some numbers in my passport which indicate in which year I was born. Have they any meaning? Heart and soul are ageless.

"to the other side"
We all are in the flow of life. This journey of life can be heaven and can be hell. Heaven on earth - where else? Choose joy, choose clarity. This life can be very worth-living. I don't say this because I read it in some holy scripture - not at all. I am not religious. But my heart is full of gratitude for being alive.

Long time ago I wanted to leave this world. I am very familiar with thoughts of suicide. Thanks God I am still here. Some kind people once told me: "There is the world outside and maybe this world is not worth-living for you. And there is a world inside of you, the world of your heart. You should discover it." And guess what happened: the door to my heart was opened and since that moment I appreciate being alive.

You don't feel motivated to do anything? Might be a good reason to visit a doctor. I made a ride with my bicycle today and enjoyed it very much. 80 km in 3 hours. The max speed downhill was 65 km/h. It's summertime in Germany and nature is really beautiful. Cycling only for young people? Come on. When I learned riding bicycle you were not yet born.

There is always hope. ALWAYS.

 

Maybe.
I was active as a volunteer in a German speaking suicide forum for 2 years. There were so many young people who already had been in a mental hospital and they were not healed at all. It's not easy to find a real qualified therapist. But it's possible. I never was in a therapy and since many years I appreciate my life very much. This journey of life is very individual. When professional help is needed you should look for it. I remember long time ago I visited a doctor and said to him: "I am afraid to commit suicide." He understood very well and gave me some antidepressiva which had some good effect.

 

I get depressed easily too. I have found therapy very helpful. Also have you looked into rational-emotional behavior therapy? Most of our depressing thoughts are not true if we examine them. I'm working on this myself so I'm with you.

 

I second the motion of having a counsellor, a face-to-face counsellor to speak to.
I think, taking away the distraction of porn, those of us who have had to turn to NoFap for help, are all faced with the raw reality of existence and that's confronting after so much dependence on PMO.
If you're feeling it's all a bit much, I think it's important to substitute porn for something else, something affirming. It's going to take more than green tea (although, what a great suggestion, I'm going to make myself a cup now).
If you're feeling alone, it's time to join some kind of social group, get out there and meet people. I know that's not easy but you probably were using porn to hide the feeling of isolation, even while plunging deeper and deeper into it via porn.
I also advocate everyone have a counsellor but I don't think you need to go to a psych ward. If you are feeling suicidal or homicidal, sure, you'd need to go to hospital, but you don't sound like you're at that stage. A counsellor won't result in an instant fix, but it will be someone you can talk to, share your fears and hopes, express difficult emotions in a safe environment and help keep you focused on working on issues you need to address.
I feel for you. You're doing a great thing by rewiring your brain, reorienting your life. Get out there and get all the support you need to make it bearable; new friends, old friends, counsellors, worthwhile activities, exotic green teas.
Take care.

 

Hello @Buddhabro
I understand how you feel, what i can tell you is that - keep fighting! This journey is a free ticket to a new begining! I know its hard, and sometimes you might think that relapsing is the only chance, but its just your brains tricking you! Dont fall for that! Go outside, read books, watch interesting movies, hang out with friends and forget about porn or masturbstion, remember "only woman can please you right" not your hand, let it be the touch of woman

 

I might be from a very different life situation, but I completely understand what you are going through. All I can say is that this addiction completely affects the way that we perceive things. and the way that thoughts and emotions order themselves inside our heads. It disrupts our ability to function with people and ourselves. When we are still inside of the addiction, we lose the clarity to see forward, and view things as they should be - like someone who's wearing a fishbowl on his head.
What has helped me on the road to recovery, however, is that with time, your body, mind (/soul) have the most amazing ability to rejuvenate themselves. The despairing thoughts and sadness aren't really a valid part of the recovery process, they're alien to yourself, and are really just part and parcel of the addiction. With continued resolve and dedication, by keeping away from porn, and by just being proactive, your world perspective changes in a very real way. The negativity fades into insignificance relative to this great new, and 'real' reality.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but I really have faith things will pick up. I believe in you!
Be strong