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3 weeks today, but yesterday was really hard

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Tommyknocker, Nov 26, 2013.

  1. Tommyknocker

    Tommyknocker Fapstronaut

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    Guys, became a fapstronaut exactly three weeks ago and was doing great until yesterday ... spent a serious amount of time talking myself out of caving in and diving back into the big porno swimming pool. Any suggestions to get back on a healthier track? I've even been thinking of cheating a little and tugging one out without using porn - that's probably not the best idea, right? Any thoughts and suggestions seriously welcome.
     
  2. Discipline

    Discipline Fapstronaut

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    I suppose it depends on your goal. The longest streak I have had was 3 weeks aswell, so I know how you feel. My balls were actually getting a bit sore by the time I hit the 3 week mark, haha. I eventually masturbated without porn, and didnt feel THAT bad afterwards.

    Whatever you do, do not fall back into the big porno swimming pool. If you really feel like you need to masturbate, then do it without porn, without pictures, and try not to think about anyone naked! It might even feel boring, but that doesn't matter. Also do not feel bad about yourself afterwords, because feeling bad could lead to a relapse.

    A 3 week mark is quite an achievement :D. Whatever you do, try not to ruin it with any type of porn please.

    Also I would like to add that after I masturbated after my 3 week mark, that I got some of those cravings for porn back. But because I masturbated without porn, these cravings weren't as bad as before.

    If it would be possible for you to make it to 4 weeks or even longer that would be even better ofcourse, you have made quite an achievement so far! How are you doing today?
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2013
  3. Tommyknocker

    Tommyknocker Fapstronaut

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    not doing totally great today Discipline ... I have a nasty secondary habit of chatting online or emailing through craigslist that sometimes surfaces, and it's surfacing hard today. I try to rationalize that "at least it's not porn," but it's that same kind of thing. I know it's just my brain looking for another way to get a quick hit of dopamine but hard to stay away.
     
  4. William

    William Fapstronaut

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    You are doing great. Keep up the effort. And, thanks for posting. Reading posts and replying are tools I use in my recovery. I tell people and remind myself all the time that two things are essential: Education and tools. The "NoFap challenge" is interesting to me, but also somewhat misguided, or perhaps incomplete. I feel repeated relapse is common when quitting the habit, and simply saying "I'm quitting" and stopping until a relapse, without making other significant changes in our daily patters, is a map for failure. Of course, that's just me; each of us recover differently, and if counting how many days between faps helps, more power to you. Part of my education was to understand I am in recovery. My brain's chemical wiring system has been trained, by me, unconsciously, to reward porn use. Until I understood I had to rewire my brain I had a lot of relapses. I am trying to "recover" the brain chemical wiring I had before I got re-wired, so to speak. The human brain is the most advanced computer ever created, so don't be surprised if it takes some time, months or weeks, to be reprogrammed, but that is what must happen. In getting educated I learned that porn "triggers" the urge to fap. I had specific types of porn that were my triggers, but, one of the things I have learned is that the longer one acts on a porn addiction the more hardcore stuff the brain wants to see. I call myself an addict, whether I am actually one or not, because if I am addict there are specific, helpful, tools to combat the addiction. I see in reading your post you recognize that porn is a bad trigger for you, but perhaps the chatting online and craislist posts are triggers too. They may spark the imagination in the same way as porn. Remember, what the brain is reacting to is not real, whether it is porn images or some other event that triggers dopamine release. In fact, though I never was into the chat thing, I did use craigslist from time to time, and it was unhealthy. I think you ought to use some basic tools that have helped me. Porn blockers have been a big help. I used to think they were ridiculous because an 8 year old can get around them, but what I found is that they work to put an extra step or click into reaching the fix, and for that extra 5-10 seconds, I have a moment to pause and remind myself why I put blockers on the computer in the first place. Also, using same technology, you can block certain websites, such as craigslist. If you are using craigslist to fix, you need to just block it. For me, I blocked images.google.com. Why? Nothing especially bad there, right? But I found that on that site I could type in my drug of choice and get lots of images I really did not need to see in my recovery. Not especially hardcore, but sexual. I have not blocked craigslist because though I have used it in the past, the triggers that are there are not the problem triggers I really have to avoid, such as porn vids with sound. It has been of interest to me in this journey to see just how many different triggers guys have. We have lots of them, for some very standard sex, for others images that don't even count as sex for me. For me moving pictures with sound really causes a problem, and like I said not just of two people making love, but my addiction was requiring harder and harder stuff, verging on abusive. I still surfed topics like beautiful or MILF (a big one for me was skinny; I like skinny women), but BDSM and rough sex were topics that had become interesting for me. Like many guys here will tell you, I never wanted any of that in real life, but it became interesting to me (interesting to my brain) on the computer screen. But, the literature teaches us that if a guy becomes addicted to standard sex videos, just sex between pornstars, the addiction often takes them to more "shocking" porn images. That is the brain's way of trying to reward itself by the release of more and more dopamine. I read something obvious, but which I did not appreciate, but in this reboot period if you can abstain from sexual thoughts, any sexual thoughts, at least not linger on them, it will help in the recovery. You asked about MOing without P. I took that approach before I got educated, but when I realized that hypersexual thoughts of any type, whether actually watching P or not, resulted in adverse brain chemistry, I quit, and that is when I think my recovery took some great strides. Again, not to denigrate the NoFap challenge, but the challenge is a behavior modification type of thing--not doing a physical act--when ending PMO requires brain modification. If ending the act does not result in brain rewiring, you have not beaten the addiction. While I say I am addicted I often find it helpful to say my brain is addicted, because that is where the problem that needs to be fixed is; almost a way of saying I am reconfiguring my computer. I began this journey 18 months ago, and about 4 months ago I got really serious and started to learn about brain wiring. I did not quit cold turkey and had plenty of relapses, but once I got serious, started learning, starting using tools to help, I separated the P from the MO. I still compulsively surfed P until not too long ago, but I am going to say I have not compulsively MOed for a very long time. One of the problems PMO had given me was inability to O with my wife. We had what I thought was great sex, but her self esteem suffered because I was not Oing with her. I have Oed with her consistently for going on about a year now, maybe more. twice or three times a week. I will not lie and say that in that time I did not watch P, MO, or PMO; I have. For a while--and this is not uncommon--I could not O with my wife unless I was thinking about P. I am glad to say that now and for some time I have only thought about my wife when I am with her, and that is no doubt a result of not watching and thinking about P compulsively for months. That does not mean days or moments don't come and go that are challenges, but I make a real conscious effort not to reinforce the brain wiring associated with that and that means not allowing myself to think about porn. There are good days and bad days. Today I would love to watch P, maybe not PMO or MO, but just turn it on. Instead I am here posting because as part of my recovery, when tempted, I come here to post. I post a lot. :) Also, for me relearning natural sex drive is difficult. It was years prior to beginning my recovery that I only became sexually aroused with a real woman, so dealing with what is just natural human sex drive (horniness) v. an urge to relapse is difficult. I wish you the best of luck, encourage you to educate yourself, and develop tools to assist your recovery. I also thank you again for posting and allowing me to post because one of the tools in my arsenal is coming here, reading, and writing. Many of my posts are essentially rewrites of the other posts I have posted. That is because I use these posts to reinforce what I believe. I am not just writing to educate and help you, I am writing to educate and help myself. Thanks.
     
  5. Discipline

    Discipline Fapstronaut

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    I know what you mean, I tried rationalising things aswell. I watched movies of naked girls and thought "they are not having sex, so it is not porn". It usually started with that and ended up with the same old movies that I used to watch.

    Stay strong, you can do it and you know you it!
     
  6. mdz

    mdz Fapstronaut

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    An advice from a sex chat addict: Stay away from sex chat/second life and similar. Just because its not image porn, it can be very addictive too. I guess it has to do with the social interactive novel seeking. ANd i have masturbated a lot, feeling rush to just text chat. Its addictive as H**l.

    Ironically i dont feel addicted to porn images, even videos was easier to stay away from.
    Other guys might have more problems with porn pics than chat. Its the same addictive porn mechanism though.


    Good luck.
    Mdz
     

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