Day 131 hardmode but still strong cravings for one person. Anyone relate?

Hi guys,

I originally posted this in the intro post section but removed it because I thought it might be discouraging for newer Fapstronauts since it is a problem that seems unusual in terms of how long its taking.

My story:
I've done NoFap hard mode several times in the past and have made it up to 5 months several times before I had even heard of the NoFap community. It's been really helpful since discovering this community finding out that there are so many other guys out there doing it, as I wasn't even sure if this was supposed to be possible or whether it was ok physically to stop fapping and whether everything would work properly again afterwards. So it has been really reassuring knowing other people are doing this.

skip to the bottom for tl;dr

I've learn't a lot in the last few years and feel that I had basically got to the point where I had learnt my weaknesses and finally felt that it would be possible for me to put it away for good.

Then something different happened. I was temporarily on a medication for a health issue that seemed to stir me up sexually a bit more than usual. Around this time I was going through a relapse and had this one much stronger and more pleasurable session than normal. I'm talking about just one instance of this. But it seems to have created in me a strong addiction/craving to the person I was thinking about at the time (my issue is not mainly with porn but I'm just wanting to quit fapping which usually involves thinking about people I know). Now I seem to have this issue with this one girl that I can't break even though I had tried hard mode several times. I'm currently on day 131 of hardmode, and in a sense it is working like it has other times, just not for this one girl i.e. I'm not struggling with cravings towards other women just this one. Usually I would be feeling very free at this point. But I feel like I am struggling just as much as the first week because of this girl. The attraction is completely over the top. I can't think about her or be in a conversation where she is mentioned or anything without having major cravings. Unfortunately she comes over to my house about once a week (in a group situation) which can trigger my struggling.

It feels as though all the rules and everything i have learned over the past years to get me to the point where I thought it would be possible to give up fapping for good have gone out the window- because of one instance that created such a strong addiction in my brain. I'm signing up because I'm looking for some hope that someone might have had a similar experience or maybe someone can point me to a post about such an experience that someone has gotten through. It's getting harder to resist because all my past experience doesn't seem to be valid anymore and I don't know if refraining is actually going to cause this to die down or not. At the same time i feel like there is no turning back because I have such a big problem with this girl that I feel I couldn't get involved and get married to another girl when I have such a strong desire for someone else. (Note:I'm not interested at this point in trying to have anything with this girl, I feel like its purely an addiction that needs to be broken, and I don't even think we suit each other personality wise).
Before this last streak I have tried for a couple years to shake this. Did a few shorter (about 40day) hard mode streaks. Also tried getting the problem to "switch girls" by thinking about other women or looking at porn but it didn't work. Its like this girl turns on the sex centre of my brain more than anything else and overrides anything another women could stir up..
I'm doing my best to not think about this girl wilfully, but the thoughts that come that I try to shake off - even they can sometimes cause a bit of a dopamine surge so I'm wondering if it will be possible to shake an addiction if it gets somewhat freshened up even when I'm not cooperating with it.

This stuggle is real.

Well hoping to get some encouragement from this site. Let me know if you've come across anyone who's gotten through something like this.

tl;dr I've done NoFap succesfully before but on one relapse had a very strong o which seems to have created an addiction to one girl that I haven't been able to shake even after 131 days hardmode.

 

No, the meds were only temporary. It was just something to help my immune system - it wasn't suppose to have anything to do with libido - just a weird side affect I guess - but man, its frustrating to have been so close to being through with fapping and then to have this happen!

I guess I could talk to a dr if I don't get through this.
It's not practical for me to cut off contact at this point - I was hoping she was moving to another city in a month or so but now that won't happen till next February. I will keep pressing on. Not everyday is difficult - sometimes I think I'm getting through and then it comes back hardcore, last week it was the whole week.

Thanks for responding to my post! Good luck with your own mission!

 

Thanks, but I'm not obsessing over days. Also, its actually very help for some people to break up months into smaller sections. Different things work best for different people

 

I hear ya bro, it's so frustrating to not have the physical desire match up with the personality - that would be great! Unfortunately, I can't never see her, she has too much involvement with close family and other friends.

 

Thanks for your post, nice to hear others can relate. I don't look at her photos at all though. Even when she comes over I do my best to avoid looking at her and try just talking to and looking at others. Like I said, this is a really unusually and strong connection - even memories of seeing her looking sexy a couple of years ago are burnt into my memory and don't seem to be fading. Arrgh.