Quit smoking, sadness and dealing with stress

I used to smoke a lot. I quit few months ago and still realizing better breath day by day. I take walk always try to enjoy the view. I can deal with emotional stuff easily, i face it in a room alone and it passes away. I should have a huge stress right now which makes me wanna take out one ciggarette and light it but i don't. I instead tried meditating and almost fall asleep. I didn't slept for a while so i could sleep at night and have some melatonine in my fucking brain. I have come to conclusion that sex is enjoyable but masturbation is a primal spitting of a semen in most pleasureable way. Maybe neondarthels did grabbed their dick and fapped a little bit instead of having sex yet i know for a fact it's a fake happiness. Sure it's dopamine but it's not like a good memory. You probably remember having a good sex and feel some emotions if you remember but with masturbation you just get rid of the semen. Imagine you are a scorpion there is a mechanism that whenever you hunt using your posion you feel adrenaline rush and feel amazing like skydiving and dopamine. Whenever you ejaculate posion it just feels amazing. However instead of hunting you just spit your posion all over napkins, sounds familiar? From now on i won't follow that primal instinct. Primal instincts do take you jail. Instead i will use this thing called consciousness that google invented and won't give up on my streak. Im on day 1 wish me luck. Btw i can tell stupid shit that doesn't even make people laugh like a fuckin Joker and people just give so much attention to me and it makes me spend time and have fun. I think it's the effect of a nofap that i became a better story teller, i don't know but as long as it works im happy. (i had relapsed from 7-8 days streak recently but i took the p out forever)

 

I pmo relapsed i was reading nofap all day long but nothing kept me from doing it. I fighted the urges but when no one was around i didn't. Im trying to learn from the mistake because it was a big one. From now on instead of reading other people i will write and read the stuff that i create. Wish me understands me. I always try to rationalize before the relapse, this might be the key time for taking a walk however the weather is. Do you know what is the problem. I can resist the urges but boredom, never. Before relapse i always search for thrill. Im a person that addicted to that. I started smoking secretly just because it was thrilling and now that i quit smoking and pmo i can't replace it. I disgusted everyhting i've done after relapse however if i can't find any replacement i fear i will keep relapsing. Maybe i don't need to but i have to change something. I fear i didn't fighted the urges i just delayed them all day long. This time when urge comes instead of pushing it i will search for the imagines of death puppies or stuff. One thing i learned today truly. When you rationalize it's time you take a walk, nofap is not only day time but forever.