Am I gay or straight?

The thing is I don't find guys hot. But while my PM addiction was developing and having watched a lot of straight porn, I started watching twink porn. Before that, I did not even have the slightest thought of fucking an effeminate guy. Even now, if I see a more feminine guy in the street, I don't get hard. It's only porn that made me crave the action of fucking such a type of guy. In my two sexual contacts with twinks, it was only about fucking and humiliating them, I did not touch them at all, I didn't want to. Neither kissing nor anything. The slightest idea of it is repulsive to me. It seems this type of porn made me develop an agressive sexual behavior. All I wanted was to show them that I am the man, and they, supposedly, are not. The crazy thing is that, as a person, I do not consider gay men less than men than straights or anything like that (I am not a homophobe, in fact I support lgbt rights in marriage and adoption). But porn made me fantasize about it and crave it. If I had not developed a PM addiction, perhaps I would never had gotten there.

 

I believe I am more attracted to guy . .
But a lot of times when I got to know them better it is really just an attraction. There's no love at all . .

I've experienced sex with a men before.. I've also experienced being courted by a guy before, I asked him why. His only answer is that I am good when it comes to bed. Eventhough I experienced those things I never felt the love that I am searching for.

Then I joined nofap, one of the reasons was I don't want to be conquered by lust.
I then noticed the charisma and charm of women..
There was a time that I want to court a girl, it just that I am too confused with myself.

 

Mate, I'm in the exact same situation as you. I do fantisize about men, their masculinity etc. Maybe it's because I want to look like them, i.e. be in a good shape, get stronger etc. But at the same time, I don't want to have sex with a guy, even the thought of it seems repulsive to me. And to be honest, while I did watch straight porn videos, I was concentrating mostly on the guy, rather the woman, but I dislike gay porn videos. A complicated situation anyways, this is your thread I won't go further about myself.

I can understand what you mean when you say you don't know whether you're gay or straight. Did you have any relationship? Did you ever had sex? These things could help you determine your sexual orientation. My advice is that you stick on your reboot, stop pmo and do it the right way. Do that for a couple of months and then examine how you feel about the opposite and the same sex. Which do you find attracting?

To end with, in April I had reached 28 days without pmo. I can tell you that I relapsed by looking at a naked woman's body I saw online. It was strange, because I thought I like guys only. But I did liked her. There is a "flame" insinde me which might proves I'm straight, but it's well hidden within me I guess, due to so many years of porn (and especially gay porn). Pornography in general changes sexual tastes. I hope I helped you!

--------------
@Thanos, is there a possibility you're Greek?

 

Hi @Kennen
There is no black or white in sexuality.
You can read about the Kinsey Scale, this is a psychologist who studied sexual behaviors and created a scale, where you can be Totally straight, Totally Gay or five other ranges in the middle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
I feel like Range 2, which is predominantly heterosexual but more than incidentally homosexual. Although this can change in different moments of your life, there were some time 20 years ago when I felt more like Range 3, which is equally hetero and gay.
It may be the case that you get romantically more identified as an hetero (not being able to "fell in love" with a guy), and just reserve lust and passion for guys.
There are too many shades of gray in this (even more than 50, lol).
I agree that PMO tints everything, so the first step is to quit this shitty addiction. A clear brain will allow you to guess later how you want to express your sexuality.
Fercho

 

@Nouvel Homme , having starting to flirt with men first may be because you like them more, or because it was easier for you to start doing it in a gay chat room, where you have anonymity. It is harder to have sex chats with women, right? (Unless they are girl escorts)
Fercho

 

Yes, I am. How did you know about the name?

 

Because I'm Greek too.

 

I agree: NoFap's a great process to achieve clarity! Personally, I've set the following NoFap goal for myself: no "GSOMP" (no gay sex, O, M, or P (gay or straight).

 

Personally, I think that some degree of latent bisexuality is as natural in everyone as the male and female hormones we all carry (to varying degrees) in our bodies. In other words, if we'd all consider our "identity" to be a little more fluid rather than categorical (like agreeing with Democrats, Independents, or Republicans on most things but with the others on a few other things), we'd all be more comfortable with ourselves, without in actuality being any less "gay", "straight" or "bi."

 

I've always had sexual and romantic attractions to women my entire life. Never had sex with a guy, and until this year, I barely noticed what a guy looked like. Now my thoughts are bombarded with penises and sexual encounters with men. This is extremely confusing because I'm still turned on by my beautiful wife and other women. The mere thought of sex with a guy is repulsive, but these thoughts are becoming overwhelming each day. I don't know what to do. The shit is causing me to lose sleep and cry like a bitch all the time. No matter what my brain is telling me, I can't see myself with a guy. What the Hell should I do?

 

What has happened and you started thinking and fantasizing about men? You said until recently you didn't.

 

Right before my wife and I had our 7 year anniversary, I had some weird thought about when I was molested at 5 by my male cousin. After that, I've been looking at guys junk and thinking all kinds of sick shit. I've basically questioned every male relationship I've ever had since December. Now I'm obsessed with penises and male bodies like I used to be with women. I've never gotten aroused by a man or gotten into gay porn, but all of a sudden EVERY guy is attractive. The shit bugs me out because I NEVER thought this way

 

So it's not porn the cause of your sudden attraction to men. It's deeper. I'm sorry to hear you were molested by your cousin. What do you think you find attractive to guys?

 

I was a heavy porn user for a long time. I can't tell what it is, but it's mainly obsessions with their penis. What scared me the most was being around my male friends of all of these years and suddenly having thoughts about their penis. I've been having sexual flashes about women too when I'm around them, no matter my relationship to them, but the guy stuff is sudden and out of control

 

I've noticed guys before as nice looking, but never obsessing about them or having sexual thoughts. Now it's CRAZY

 

Hi @Steve Nebraska .
First of all stay calm and relax. Getting stresses is the worst enemy for reboot.
Has this started when you started rebooting? Has your PMO addiction always been with straight porn?
I have also sexually abused when i was 10, an episode of my life that I totally hided behind PMo addiction during 40 years. I started remembering it after 9 months into my reboot.
My PMO addiction was always about men, also random and promiscuous gay hook ups and male escorting.
Once i could remember the traumatic episode, I could start healing.
It may the same with you: you have been neglecting the trauma from the sexual molestation (when you are 5 or even 10 you can process such situation and you try to forget about it).
It will eventually come back, and this may be what is happening to you right now.
Have you ever had therapy ? This may help.
I also practice Tai Chi and meditation, this plus NoFap have allowed me to start slowly healing and move forward.
You cannot fight the memories just denying them, or trying those feelings to "get out from your mind".
Meditation helps to acknowledge the feelings, watch them, and avoid getting anxious or depressed about it.
If you "really" find the idea of being with a man in bed repulsive (make sure you are not trying to lie yourself about this), you may be in a phase of your life that will eventually go away. Or it may be that you have fantasies, that you do not want to fulfill in the reality.
Some times I think about it like watching a Ferrari in the street: I can admire, drool over it...but I know i cannot bring it home
Hope this helps
Fercho

 

My PMO addiction was with straight and Lesbian porn. I never ventured off to the weirder genres, but never really felt the urge to. Now, after some excessive internet porn in the last few years, I'm starting to feel this way. The more I abstain from pornography, it almost seems like my brain is searching for some type of outward stimulation where whomever I'm looking at is a sexual object. Excluding NOBODY! Damn near everyone and everything is attractive in my mind and it's unsettling. The more I refocus my thoughts and keep myself occupied, I don't have the issues manifest as much. Whenever I'm out if rhythm, the shit gets loco

 

I've been asked in a PM why I want to refrain from gay but not straight S. The answer is that even though I see latent bisexuality as a normal and "sexualities" as more fluid and not totally exclusive of each other, I feel I need to put a bit of a brake on the MM side in favor of (potential) MF. In my case, MM interest started with a bang from what I now see as child abuse from age 9-10 onward. I did not lose interest in women, but I would like to do GSOMP (see above) to redress the imbalance between MM and MF inclinations in past and present. I hope that makes some sense.

 

Brother Nebraska (great people in that state, BTW)!

I certainly don’t blame you for finding your new sexual MM fantasies a bit surprising, but if you’re still attracted to and able to love your wife physically and emotionally, I’d sweat it less. PMO and rebooting may indeed have freed your imagination a bit. After all, since you did not even consider coloring outside the lines before, you did not really know what you’d feel about guys. For what it’s worth, I think of people as potentially bisexual and sexual orientation actually more of a somewhat fluid than an exclusive thing. It can mentally bend a bit without breaking…

I’m not trying to lure you to “the dark side!” I’m just saying if you can accept that even at 85%, for instance, a sexual orientation is still the same, you can better deal with any cognitive dissonance from your new rebooting urges. That’s all.You don’t have to act MM curiosity – in fact, I don’t recommend it in your marriage (‘coz it didn’t work for me). But if you can accept it you can, as they say in the airplane, “breathe normally!”

Best of success, guy!