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Am I beyond repair?

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by FapFreeDave, Jul 1, 2017.

  1. FapFreeDave

    FapFreeDave New Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone - this is my first post. I'm going to provide a warts-and-all account of my life to see if there's any help that can be offered here, and to act as a warning to any young folk who are reading.

    As I write this I'm 32 and in good shape generally - I'm underweight but I exercise plenty and eat a healthy diet, although I maybe need to eat a bit more.

    However I have a long term porn / fap addiction and anxiety disorder - use of porn as a means of escape when I wasn't happy with life. I'm not a virgin but I've never been able to perform well sexually and I've never been able to sustain a relationship.

    Escalation of porn over 20 years from still soft-core images, to hardcore stuff, then on to more sadistic (but still legal of course) hardcore stuff. Eventually moved on to transsexual porn and some gay porn even though I'm not gay. It's almost like I need to be shocked or slightly disgusted/feel shameful in order to be aroused. Started using prostitutes about 5 years ago.

    • Difficulty getting an erection around a woman; I use ED meds when I visited prostitutes and it helped me maintain an erection but even at higher doses

    • Loss of morning wood - very very rarely get morning erections

    • ED med-free erections when they do happen need constant stimulation to remain, and disappear within a few seconds if I get up and walk across the room or something, or if it takes me too long to try and get a condom on...

    • ...which makes sex in any position rather than lying on my back virtually impossible

    • Extremely premature ejaculation - sometimes within 10 seconds, when I penetrate a woman and try to actually have sex, always before the one minute mark - complete inability to control my orgasam

    • When getting a blow job I get bored reasonably quickly (yep really) and go a bit soft. Wouldn't be able to sustain an erection for a blow job while standing up except maybe with a big dose of ED meds.

    • 'Death grip' wanking - I've read about it on the noFap sites and yep that's what I do

    • Hair loss which started very young - when I was in my 20's I fapped at least twice a day every day, and that's when my hair loss progressed at it's fastest - I think there is a link

    • Even my fantasies need to be very novel and hyper-stimulating when I masturbate, i.e. involving lots of women doing lots of different things

    • Normal day to day contact with women doesn't seem to arouse me in the way it should

    • I'm also pretty addicted to the internet and constant facebook-checking and scrolling....whatever methods of hyper-stimulation I can get. Doubt I have any dopamine receptors left by this point.
    Don't know how much is due to porn or whether I'm just clinically depressed or something, I need to fix all these.and regain my 'sexual health'. I want to be fit and sexually healthy enough to bang a woman properly.

    So how the hell do I start fixing these things? Is there any hope for me at all?

    I tried setting up a 'badge' to track my nofap/no porn streak, but what can I do physically to make me able to 'perform' better - should I see a doctor about any of this stuff? Has anyone else here had these physical problems and overcame them?

    Thanks for any help in advance - I'm so filled with shame about all this that I'm totally incapable of forming any kind of relationship with a woman at the moment so I need to address this and sort it out.
     
    Marcel0404 likes this.
  2. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    Your addiction definitely sounds more on the severe side, but you can still be healed though it may take longer. Read all the information on yourbrainonporn.com and look up this guy named Gabe on YouTube who recovered from his porn addiction.
     
  3. Welcome to the Nofap community.
    There is always hope.
    Maybe you want to make some commitment and start your NO PMO journey. Will not be easy but worth the effort.
     
  4. FapFreeDave

    FapFreeDave New Fapstronaut

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    Well I've set a counter, so I'm making a pledge from today to go NoFap, no porn, and no checking for prostitutes in my area (this will be the most difficult).
     
    Marcel0404 likes this.
  5. donjonquixote

    donjonquixote Fapstronaut

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    Man, if you really are wondering whether you are beyond repair, why not see a therapist. You might be surprised of how much our brain can achieve and change if just we know what we are doing with it...
     
  6. donjonquixote

    donjonquixote Fapstronaut

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    There's some options of online therapy, if you're really money conscious.
     
  7. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     

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