Rebooting while thinking about starting a new relationship (no sex yet)

I'm in the same boat as you. I literally just met a girl yesterday through friends and we gelled but I didn't even ask for her number cause I'm only 4 days in and if we get involved and I'm still limp then I couldn't live with myself. So I'm waiting to hit a month of no PMO to contact her. I feel by then I should be healed enough for sex or close enough. Any other members have thoughts for us?

 

Dude, you and lans should become PAs for each other -- you're seem so well matched. Just a thought....

About your question, though... call me hopelessly out of touch with reality but what's against NOT having sex for the next 3 months (at least, depending on your degree of P-deformation) and interacting with women without the question of "can I or can I not" but rather just to get to know them and them you? I realize other guys may wanna cut you off and jump in bed with her/them.. You may have to tell girls in the next few months that you're doing 3+ months of celibacy and that they're welcome to stick around and hang around without doing the deed or look you up later. But (a) you are in recovery, which means you are changing and whoever you are in week 4 may not be good enough for whom you'll be at week 14 and (b) you wanna jibe with the women of your no-PMO self, not the earlier ones. Besides, (c) surely you realize that the addiction will inspire you to all kinds of roller-coaster attractions, ideas, justifications, rationalizations and "must have" or "must do" mistakes? Also, rebooting in a physical relationship is definitely easier on your body/stress level -- I tried no PM for a while (way easier but not more effective) -- but it is much harder on your actual reboot, meaning you may never find out what no-PMO looks like for you, if you keep getting O through S with your SO, while under the spell of P... to say nothing of the toll it takes on SOs. In sum, I would never opt for a +SO reboot unless you know you've found The Love of Your Life ... which at any rate is easier to do if you get to know her first, even if you didn't have a P addiction.

Best of success!

 

I've done both normal mode (no-PM) and hard mode (no-PMO, including with SO) and the latter is much harder to do but far more effective for your reboot, coz it frees you much more effectively from your experience with P and P-infected S. The question is not "how soon can I have S again?"; the questions is "how well can I learn to love a person with whom I have a very special relationship with my body in ways that celebrates her, us, and our love." I'd work on that... and plan to do so at the very least 3 months. (Take it from someone who's just ended a 75-day streak.) Good luck!

 

I’m not a really experienced fapstronaut, but I answer nevertheless.

I think that meeting a girl with whom you can imagine to have a relationship with, may be a great chance. Would you start the relationship with her just or mainly because she attracts you sexually or can you imagine that the relation would become a serious one and last? If you only want to use her as a substitute for watching porn, I could see a problem, otherwise I don’t.

If you really want to do PMO (not just a PM) journey you can tell her and may be she will understand it and help you. May be you fall in love with her. In my experience falling in love with a girl is one of the strongest protections against PMO. Several years ago I was so in love with a girl that in my head besides the amorous feelings for her there was no space anymore for porn.

Even if you would decide to have sex with her, you could still try to accomplish a great PM streak. If it doesn’t work for you since the Os with her strengthen your urges you can still change the strategy and start another streak, this time with PMO.

For many fapstronauts nofap is a way to get back a healthy sexuality and to be able to have a fulfilling relationship with a real woman. If this is your goal and not to be a monk then I don’t see a reason why you shouldn’t try to reach your goal immediately, supported by nofap and a PM or a PMO streak.

That’s my point of view. But you have to choose what suits you and your own way best. I’m just onmyway.