I need help badly

Samir, u write that u could easily get aroused by vanilla porn. It reads to me that you may have just progressed, as many of us do, to more intense P to get us to the fantastic O we seek. You NEED a reboot to see if theese urges regarding your sexual identity abate. I too started w/ vanilla stuff and then had it progress to stuff that I'm ashamed to write about. (Warped JUNK!) But I know it's all in the chase of the O and a better dopamine high. Stick w/ ur day counter. See if u can find an A.P. here on NoFap near ur age. DON'T GIVE UP Samir!

 

I write this fully aware that this more than likely will not be an answer that satisfies you, and I wish I can give you a more satisfying answer, but I believe you need to look to yourself to answer your own questions.

I would be highly skeptical of anyone who definitely tells you that you are or are not trans. You gave us three short paragraphs about your situation, and even someone who has an extensive background in sexuality and gender wouldn't be able to answer your question definitively based on that. There are some people who think transgenderism is a mental illness, and there are others who are advocates for trans individuals. Each is going to bring their bias to their advice, and their views are not necessarily yours, so they can't answer the question for you. On this site in particular, you are going to encounter people who think porn is the greatest evil in existence, and of course, these people are going to blame what you are going through on porn. They might not be wrong, but their reasoning for getting there is so reductive that they would only be right by chance, not through their expertise.

That said, I would encourage you to reflect on who you are independent of outside influences. I think a part of this is to abstain from porn and fantasy because these will certainly influence your thinking. I would also encourage you to try to ignore the overwhelming bias in society that cisgender heterosexual people are the "normal case." This isn't about what porn is making you think or feel, it isn't about what society and the people around you are making you think or feel, but it is about what you think and how you feel.

Reflect on your own experience. Why do you identify as a straight man? Have you put much thought into those aspects of your identity? What exactly makes you want to be a woman? How do those thoughts make you feel? Why do they make you feel that way?

It might also be helpful to read accounts of other people. See if you can find journals of people who have the same fetish as you. Do you feel like you have things in common with them? Maybe read some accounts of transgender people coming out. Do you have anything in common with those people?

Again, it might be comforting to listen to anyone who just tells you what you want to hear about your identity. However, that sort of blind reassurance might just exacerbate the problem. It's important to keep a clear head and avoid anxiety as much as you can. Remember that even if the "worst case" is true and you turn out to be something other than a cisgender heterosexual male, your life is not over and the world will not end. Keep calm, reflect, and remember that only you can answer the questions you put forth for us with any certainty.

 

Hey Man,

It's sounds like HOCD. You don't need to be worried about it. It will get better as soon as you stop PMO. We have so many guys suffering the same crazy thoughts. Try to search around about HOCD and you will find all the explanations about what you are feeling. I am pretty sure after you understand what is going on you will feel better.

 

Samir, JamesRK makes several valid points. Do your homework about PMO and how it changes the brain. Especially if ur young. A dude's brain is usually not fully "formed" untill 21-25, depending on the study. So if ur PMO-ing several times a day since puberty then you might mess w/ the neurotramsiters of "healthy" Samir vs. Samir on years of PMO-ing. As was writen above though Samir, if you don't notice a change after a period of reboot then you may want to sit down with a doctor. Stay with this site though Samir. Ask questions. And as writen above what u feel on the inside does not make u insane. Also take a good look at the "Coolidge Effect". We're here dude ~

 

I feel bad calling you out because I know you have the best intentions, but this kind of reassurance can be really unhelpful. If it is some form of HOCD or TOCD, thinking about it and researching it to check really isn't helping the obsessions. In the other case if Samir happens to be something other than a cisgender heterosexual male, that kind of affirmation can be really damaging.

When I was a teen, I latched onto terms like "HOCD" and "unwanted same sex attractions." I was certain I wasn't gay because it felt so opposed to anything I knew. I felt my sexual urges were totally opposite from who I was as a person. After a few really difficult years and a slow process of self-acceptance, I realized I am a gay man. Having blind assurances from people on the internet would have made that process all the slower and more painful.

Again, not saying that Samir is necessarily anything other than a cisgender heterosexual male. It's up to him to determine that, but I think anyone else imposing their view on what he's experiencing is helpful.

 

It's a very common experience reported here: the progression of porn and lust into ever increasing debauchery.
There are some responding to your post intent on encouraging you to "keep an open mind", and suggesting you can't really know. I wave the bull shit flag on that one. IF you were into females and not into males before the porn progression it is logical to believe your recent fetishes are a result of the porn!

Solution: sober up. That's it. It's going to be really, really difficult. But if you want to know if your gay or straight or cis or whatever damn term they use these days, that's the surest way.

This porn is from hell. It's turning you into a pervert. Stop using immediately.

 

Look, right now you have some trans-like desires. BFD. What most of us agree on is that porn/lust is a progressing addiction. The same ol' porn stops stimulating so we have to find "new" types of porn. Continually. This leads us to ever more dark and disturbing places. It's a pretty common experience here at nofap. I discovered a want to be a ruthless dictator over mindless sex slaves. Does that mean i should explore slavery? No. Some dudes discovered they like rape fantasies. Does that mean they need to go out and rape women? No. Some dudes discover they like trans porn. Does that mean they have to go out and Queen it up? No.

Drug addicts are the same way. You think all crack heads started on crack? No. it's an escalating addiction.

So here's the solution. It's really simple: Sober up.

After 90 days or so you'll have far more answers then you have now. Try not to be overly alarmed or worried. Just do the work and be Patient.

It won't be easy. You've allowed and nourished this PMO addiction and lust within your heart for a long time. Now, you can't merely say to your addiction "please leave" and it will go away! It doesn't want to leave and you've made a nice little room for it! But, I promise in 90 days you'll feel like a new man.

Be Patient.

It will probably take a while before the compulsiveness of the addiction stops overwhelming you. I find the easiest way to address compulsive thoughts is head-on. Stop running. Calmly listen to the thoughts as the "float" past your consciousness. Recognize them as outside-of your true self. Ask yourself "do i really want this? or is this nonsense?" Get a sense of humor. You'll find yourself laughing at the stupidity of some of the things that pop into your head. Once you can laugh at them, they lose their power entirely. The devil can't stand to be laughed at. Really, do you truly want a black dick? Do you truly want to dress like a school girl? Or is this merely a byproduct of too much damn porn! (Remember too that just because we discover a desire for something in no way ever, ever does this imply we have to act on that desire. We're not animals. Only the most foolish of humans believe this to be the case.)

I am a religious Catholic so i think in Catholic terms. Obviously, I believe Porn evil, particularly, this sissy hypo stuff I keep hearing about. It is continually reported as horrible, soul crushing stuff. So, from my perspective, a major part of this process is asking God for help. Surrounding yourself with spiritual armor. Read the bible. Get to mass. Admit that you have lost your way. Rebuke the evil spirit within you (that you yourself invited and nourished) in the name of God. That's what i do.

There are a lot of other men on this forum who have gone through similar things. THEY report having these thoughts and urges go away through sobriety. Do a word search and find similar men out.

TL;DR
sober up

 

Okay, so I don't think you're being 'turned' towards being a transsexual. What I think is happening is that you have watched so much porn that your brain turns to more and more powerful stuff in order to get it's fix. You are most probably not changing, your brain is just becoming more and more desperate and addicted to this stuff.

Quit porn and masturbation and I'm sure this will help with your circumstances

It really won't be an easy ride, and you will most likely fail multiple times (I'm not being harsh, this is just part of an addiction recovery), but you will get there, and you CAN get there.

Good luck!

 

ANYBODY can find a way out of this. I've got past 5 days in for the first time in a few months. You will go through rough patches but providing you try your hardest and want it bad enough you will eventually find the strength to get a good streak. After that, it will begin to ease, maybe slowly, but it will ease

 

There is no easy way out. But the basics is: these thoughts and cravings are who you really are? The answer is probably No

So, if it is not what you really are, you need to find your true self and get attuned to it in order to face your bad thoughts. NoFap helps you on this journey because you will stop feeding the dragon and he will get weaker and weaker as the time being. During this time work on your self discover to understand whats going on deep inside of you. At first the dragon will breath-fire and do whatever it takes to keep being feeded, and the urges will get incredibly high but stay strong and keep going.

 

I'm going through the same exact thing and it has turned my life into shit. I've discovered that this has to do alot with how insecure i am about my penis size even though its average(5.5 in) I think this also has to do with how my addiction progressed, im also a drug addict. Im trying to stop watching this porn but its extremley hard and i cant talk to anyone about it in real life because it's too embarrasing. I hope this rebooting thing will work.

 

Gee Samir, UV'e opened a real can of worms starting this thread dude! BTW, I too am a GM, just like JamesRK, I've got a B.A. in Sociology. And I get REALLY pissed when I see far too much of Howard Becker, PhD's, "Labeling Theory", getting too much play. Samir, UR "sexual" at 20 y/o period. Let's not try to put a bumper sticker on WHO or WHAT you are untill you've been w/o PMO for a while and let UR frontal lobe fix it's self naturally after a period of P abuse. And F-ing w/ ur dopamine receptors & other neurotransmiters. Please stop trying to find a label that fits you yet. Have u seen a common reply from us regardles of who we are or where we come from? Try a serious reboot and you'll probably feel much much improved.

 

Sounds like you're sexually frustrated my friend. Having those gay thoughts for you, maybe its from the fact that you crave sex desperately. Just focus on doing other things and maybe talk to more girls bro.

 

I did drugs when I was younger, cocaine mostly and it was the best thing I've ever tried in my life, till today I remember the feeling. I stoped it before I got addicted. But I tell you man, I could live for it the rest of my life but I knew it could destroy me so I quited.

I hate have this feelings about insecurities too. After years of analises I found out two main reasons for my sexual problems:

1) first: when I was about five years old me and my best friend at that time tried to touch a friend of ours vagina and my mother found out and made a mountain out of a molehill. I felt ashamed to death. Since then I started to play sexual things with my friend like touching penises, kissing each other. I was only 5yo. Before that It was like having any sexual contact with a girl was wrong. I moved out to another city but that feeling that what I did was wrong killed me. I remember I bited my arms almost until it bleeds everytime I remember what I did. I was just a kid with all that shit in my head with nobody to help me. I grew up with this feeling killing me.

2) second reason: I had lack of fatherhood. My father was weak and I don't even remember a single time he was there for me. I had no male figure to grow my masculine confidence so I sticked with the girls, most of the time. I was not considered a sissy sort of thing but deep inside my masulinity was buried in layers of low self steam and self doubt.

Today I am a 39yo man with no doubts about my sexuality. I am a straight man and proud of it but I still deal with low self steam and I still have a hard time with girls. I want to get a girl of who I will get married and share my life and I am working on it more than I've ever had. But I am so afraid of rejection that I avoid to take a chance most of the time.

We are lonely suffers, all the stuffs we tell here we have nobody else to talk to. It is so embarrassing.