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Take THAT, social anxiety!

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by SuperFan, Jul 8, 2017.

  1. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    So, most of my life I've had a terrible fear of rejection. I've put women on such a pedestal--giving them all sorts of power over my sense of self-worth--that I've always been terrified of approaching an attractive woman.

    Well, I was just down at the pool at my apartment complex, and there was a gorgeous woman laying out and getting a tan. The other guys at the pool were clearly checking her out, even though they had their own girls around them. For whatever reason, I knew I had to talk to her.

    I laid on my own lounge, getting some sun and going through the whole internal debate:

    Should I? I should. No, I shouldn't. It'll be weird and uncomfortable. Yeah, but maybe you just need to face your fears now. And aren't you always saying that fear of rejection is worse than actual rejection? Come on, it'll be good practice. No, I can't. Yes, you can. Get the f*** up and go talk to her.
    So I gathered my things to leave. She was laying on her stomach, sunning her backside. (sigh) I said, "excuse me ... " and she looked up.

    "I know this is totally random, but I just had to come say hi to you."
    "Oh ... well, hi!"
    "I'm (my name)"
    "Hi there ... I'm Mackenzie."

    We ended up talking for just a couple of minutes. I learned that she just moved here for work, from Louisiana. And apparently she comes down to the pool often. I said it was great to meet her and that I'd see her around.

    I walked away feeling like a million bucks. I'm under no illusions that we're going to end up dating/hooking up/etc, because that's not my agenda. I'm just stoked that I was able to walk up to the hottest woman I've seen in a long time, kick my fear of rejection right in the f***ing face, and say hello to her.

    Although I've recently re-set my counter because of edging, I haven't had an orgasm since June 19th, and I think part of my confidence has been going without P or O. My drive is looking for an outlet, so I feel more comfortable taking risks.

    And you know what? Instead of being terrifying, the risk was exhilarating. What will she say? How will she react? Will I be able to make conversation? I mean, was there fear? Of course ... but it was kind of like an exciting fear, like you'd get from watching a scary movie or getting on a roller-coaster.

    Anyway. I feel awesome and wanted to share.
     
  2. NZT 48

    NZT 48 Fapstronaut

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    Well done on overcoming your fear. We need a lot more men to stop putting females on a pedestal, as it often leads to this 'entitled' behaviour we see some females exhibiting. I would recommend you watch some of 'Eilliot Hulse' on Youtube, if you would like to further your knowledge and confidence in areas such as the one you describe. It is good that you are seeing the benefits of no PMO.

    One thing to be wary of though, a woman can make or break a man, so take heed when you start looking for relationships.
     
    Bryaan, vibemaker and Username1021 like this.
  3. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    I'm a firm believer that a man who knows who he is and where his value comes from is under no threat of being broken by any woman. Or made, for that matter. A confident man is made before he ever says hi to that woman.
     
  4. Tau_Ceti

    Tau_Ceti Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations man!
     
    Username1021 likes this.
  5. Powerous

    Powerous Fapstronaut

    fucking awesome dude!!!, I know exactly how you feel, it's an amazing feeling to just face your fear and not be so crippled by it.
     
  6. Username1021

    Username1021 Fapstronaut

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    That is great man! I can totally relate to that entire internal debate thing. You know what, I'm going to try that out soon.
     
  7. Runtilmylegsdropoff

    Runtilmylegsdropoff Fapstronaut

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    It's good to get past fears. One of the reasons for that is like you mentioned, putting women on this pedestal and making your self-worth dependent on their approval. Once you let go of that, it is liberating. We have to be of the mindset that if we get rejected, not to take it personal but see it as she isn't a good fit for you.
     
    Powerous, SuperFan and Username1021 like this.
  8. Estus

    Estus Banned

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    I was expecting to read you asked her out on a date.

    If she was into you she would've volunteered her number regardless.

    Even so as men we ask and be direct and then move on.

    And what's this "excuse me" stuff? You got to act like it's an honor that you're talking to her not that you need her permission.

    You don't got to explain yourself either or give a reason why.

    You just need to say hi.

    K.I.S.S.

    I just gave you million dollar advice right here. This is worth far more than a covenant eyes subscription.
     
  9. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Could someone help me with icebreakers? I can't even think of what to say after she says her name. Someone willing to give me conversation and socializing advice?
     
  10. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Keep it simple and just make small talk. For instance, I asked Mackenzie if she had lived in this complex for long, and I found out she'd literally just moved here a week earlier. That opened up several other questions: "where did you move here from?" "Did you move for work?" "How do you like this town so far?" etc etc. A woman who's interested in talking to you will usually give you thorough enough answers that they open up new questions for you. What you don't want to get into is a situation where you're just asking her questions for 10 straight minutes. Keep it short and sweet. (if she starts asking you questions, that's a great sign and you can keep talking for as long as it feels comfortable)

    The important thing is to only let that last for a few minutes. If it's someone you're likely to see again (like if she's always at the pool at your complex), wish her a good day and leave. But if you think you might never see her again, ask her if she'd like to have a drink or coffee with you sometime.

    In retrospect, I probably could have asked Mackenzie to have a drink with me last night. She's new to this town, and I imagine she doesn't know many people here or have big plans on Saturday night like a typical stunner would. But hindsight is always 20/20. I walked away from that small chat thinking of about 5 great things I could have said. We just need practice.
     
    volt8721 and pranav02 like this.
  11. pranav02

    pranav02 Fapstronaut

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    Amazing advice, appreciate it. Thanks mate!
     
  12. It's called showing some decency.
     
    GinBall likes this.
  13. lbnp

    lbnp Fapstronaut

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    I use to force myself to talk to one random person a day. I usually made it a point to make it a hot girl. Might start doing this again.
     
  14. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    You guys will appreciate this dude's blog/videos:

    http://www.ciarancallam.com/category/100-women-in-50-days/

    He decided to take on his approach anxiety head-on. He decided he would approach two women a day for 50 days straight. He blogs about each experience, how it went, etc.

    I was so impressed with his courage to just say "f*** it" and put himself out there, risking potential repeated rejection. The point isn't whether or not he got a bunch of phone numbers--the point is that he conquered his fear by not running away from it. That will grow your confidence more than any hot girl's phone number.
     
  15. nopmo101

    nopmo101 Fapstronaut

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    Intresting talk about rejection:
     
  16. Estus

    Estus Banned

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    Then she ends up drier than the Sahara.

    That guy is a loser. Talking to woman is no big deal, not something worth chronicling about. Neither is getting laid.
     
  17. NZT 48

    NZT 48 Fapstronaut

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    Very, very true.
    Knowing where your value comes from is too important
     
    SuperFan likes this.
  18. I will win

    I will win Fapstronaut

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    “It always seems impossible until it's done.”


    ― Nelson Mandela
     
    SuperFan likes this.
  19. volt8721

    volt8721 Fapstronaut

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    Awesome job man and yeah it seems basic and something that shouldn't be a big deal but for us guys who struggle with talking to girls this is great and I'm glad you pumped yourself up to talk to her. When you see her again ask her if you can show her around town and to get drinks. There is no bigger pain than the pain of regretting not doing something, especially talking to girls. I would much rather be rejected than automatically rejecting myself by not even talking to her.
     
  20. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    Nice work. Always enjoyed that myself. Course now i'm married, so the enjoyment is out the window, but at least i can live through your guys' adventures!
     

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