Rooted in Jealousy

There are so many negative habits I gained through my 8 year porn addiction its unbelievable like: feeling shame, guilt, depressed, jealous of other guys, started to hate girls and look at them as sex slaves and nothing more, started hating myself, thinking I'm not good enough as other guys, suicidal thoughts, feeling stuck to this habit, not feeling worthy of being happy. So many others the list goes on. It sucks the vital life energy out of you, it sucks the positive joyful natural nature within you, it drains you of that energy that every man has within them.

 

The jealousy must go, whether it is connected to P or not is irrelevant, in my opinion. Jealousy is a sneaky, childish emotion that reveals insecurity above all else. I'm not going to discuss the current situation too much I'll focus instead on providing advice on how to get rid of the unwanted emotion:

This woman doesn't belong to you nor to anyone, a relationship is a choice, you've both chosen to be with each other and you'll honour that choice (hopefully) forever. The fact that she has chosen to be with you means you're much better than anyone else she has been with, period. And if you don't feel like you're better than other people (you should feel this way, but not narcissistically) then you have to work on loving yourself more and once you get to a point where you love yourself more than anyone then you'll never feel jealousy because you will know your true value.

 

I'm female and I have had men that were jealous in this manner and they were not pmo addicts and my addict partner is not jealous at all. That being said most people that are pmo addicts at their root are insecure and when it comes to sexual relationships porn reinforces that insecurity. Most women don't want sex that lasts for hours or donkey size members but porn makes you think they do and if you are not that you feel insecure and even at times assume most other men are. She's with you now her past partners matter no more than yours do to you.

 

Well I struggled with jealousy in my last relationship.

I think the trouble is jealousy's best friend is information. You get a bit of information and jealousy can cause your imagination to run wild. My ex told me quite a lot about her past boyfriends. I knew things about her past relationships that I didn't need to know and it caused jealous to happen. I was talking to a friend about how much we should share about our past in a relationship and he said only things that could affect the relationship. I agree with him, you don't need to share so much about ex's imo. I'm sure your girlfriend is a wonderful woman but I would question why she told you about what happened in her college days. IDK but maybe it wasn't necessary for her to share so much with you. I mean you know her and I don't and maybe women feel they have to share a lot with their SO (my ex seemed to). I feel it would be right for you to tell her that you had a child with an ex but other ex's aren't worth talking about because they're in the past and won't effect your future.

But regardless whether she was wrong to share so much I think you need to deal with jealously. There's an interesting TED Talk on the subject and I'll post it below. It's not a typical talk since the speaker doesn't really spend much time in offering an answer to the problem. She spends more time talking about jealousy rather than finding a solution to it. But I found that she actually gives the solution while talking about the problem.

What I took away from the talk is that when we get jealous we tell ourselves a story about the particular person(s) we're jealous of. The problem is these story are not necessarily true but we think they are and the trick is to stop telling these stories that make us feel jealous.