Why are you doing this?

This is very valid to do this. There are always unmet needs driving our relapses. This time around I am looking at finding what these are. Thanks for posting.

 

You are like me. I'm trying to get sober to more than 30 days and never got that. I started to see this as an addiction 1 year ago and since than I tried all I could possibly think to overcome this, but like you, I think that I'm not seeing the root of all this. The reason why I fall in this. What I can say is that I watch porn and masturbate, because I'm afraid of intimacy and I'm insecure about life. I'm afraid of starting something and things not doing well. It takes courage to be a man when life knock you down. Now I'm starting doing meditation, but it takes patient and resilience. I can't say the reason why I do this things with clarity, because I'm a bit broke but with all this I wanted to give you some help.
Take care man.

 

I want to recover the clarity of being alive I have had in periods before while PMO free.
Life has become anxious of late and that brought on the old habits.

I have been struggling for a long time, so I don't expect an instant miracle however, I do know that it is possible.

 

I am tired of looking at porn and having few sexual experiences with girls in my life. I am also tired of needing porn to be aroused at this level. I mean i can be aroused by a hot girl and other stuff, but not as much anymore. I want quality, natural erection and a high, natural libido. At the same time, i want to enlarge my penis while, and nofap is a great way to pair with PE, as NOFAP i know, gives better erections and can even add a cm or two

 

If you continue you with your meditation, I am sure the answer will reveal itself to you. That is a practice of great significance and tends to be overlooked or underestimated in the west.

 

GettingMyShitTogether you are absolutely right!! Spot on. Before I took the NoFap challenge for which I can currently on Day 5 I spent the last year getting real with myself and getting to the root of the problem. In that time I identified THE reason why I would PMO. And that is boredom. In fact, I feel most of the people on this site PMO due to boredom over any other reason. It would be because I was truly bored and new it would be fun to look at p for a while or I was lonely on a Friday night with no girlfriend and PMO kept me from dealing with the loneliness. For me, boredom is my trigger 96.73% of the time. So that solution is to be busier. I'm going to bible study, hanging out with friends and family, playing basketball, coaching football, and others just to stay busy. I want the positive effects on the other end of this. But, living a busy and fulfilling life makes me comfortable and confident already!! Don't get me wrong, I don't feel like I'm totally rebooted yet or the guy I want to be in 90 days. That's because I just started this journey and I know the first month especially is the toughest time for anyone doing NoFap so I'm being on guard and alert for triggers big time. Eventually I can control these with ease as I win back my mind.

I think you made the best point of anyone I have seen or heard on this forum. To win this challenge and your life back you have to identify the root cause. And, you also have to change your life!! You can't sit day by day doing only NoFap and expect to win. You have to get out, discover new hobbies, be around people, and so on. Controlling triggers is a primary focus for many people at the beginning of the battle. At least it is for me. But as your confidence grows doing these things becomes second nature.

Stay strong friends!!!

 

Oh wow, that is an accurate estimation for such stuff :O hahaha

 

For some people I'd say there are underlying emotional/psychological traumas driving them into hurting their life force through fapping which just compounds the trauma.

For others I'd say solving the issue is as straightforward as growing up.

 

I don't want to go deeper because this simply is not a secular issue for me. I know that there is a solution for me but it lies with spiritual people and teachings.

 

I think that this is an important discussion point. My issues revolve around anxiety that I have felt throughout my life and how rejection at a young age from friends and family led to a sense of 'porn escapism'. After a while, the enjoyment of the orgasm and the general feeling of pleasure led to an addiction that I'm trying to break. Due to my issues with self-esteem since I was young, I had issues with getting turned on with another person present. For a while, I was wondering if this was an issue of ED or just performance anxiety from old feelings of self-doubt. So the challenge is to guard against feelings of anxiety that only trap a person within his/her addiction. PMO was one of my forms of solace. The goal is to find a more positive source of comfort when things become difficult.

 

My original goal of NoFap(And how I found it) was to restore penis sensitivity. Looked up how to get it back, NoFap came up and here I am. But now I see it as a lifestyle. If it wasn't for this I wouldn't be such a better person than I was before and that keeps me moving.
Here is the post if you want to view it.

 

you will after 90 days plus.

 

My Marriage has been sexless for the last 10 years. I used porn to cope with that. Unfortunately it made me spiral into hyper-indulgent behaviour (e.g. spending hours on sites such as chaturbate, waiting for them to tease and show a little bit more etc...). I've wasted way too much time and money on those things, when I really should have been trying to sort my marriage out.

Last year I bit the bullet and tried to get myself sorted out. I would consistently avoid masturbation for 1-2 week blocks. I did get myself sorted out to a large degree. Lost a lot of weight, started dressing better, was more confident, got out of my shell and took more social risks. Unfortunately I was doing it for the wrong motives. I was trying to get people to like me. It didn't work on my wife and after a few events which made me doubt my appeal, I relapsed back into the cesspool.

This time things are different. What prompted this was partial ED, in that I can't sustain an erection without touching myself. I'm also trying to fix my marriage through counselling etc, but one thing is clear - I can't change my wife, but I can change myself. I need to do this to feel good about myself. I am training myself to no longer "need" the validation of my wife or to hope that women are checking me out. I need to build up my core self and be the best person I can be... and that will give me the secure base regardless of whether the people around me respond to it or not.

This is where my journey begins.

 

Im doing this because i got addicted to pmo to numb my feelings of lonliness and low self esteem from child neglect.

I know deep down i can be so much better than i am and be a success and have a good life and be proud of myself.

Im going to a counselor starting tomorrow because i need help and im truly ready to be done this time.

Its cost me too much already

 

Real motivating post.

NoFap for me started as a way to get my libido back, that urge I got when I was a teenager. That drive that energy... I craved the old me. Now, a couple of months in it has become much more. It has helped me see the things in my life that I neclected before NoFap, the kind of simple everyday things, like cleaning my house, keeping in contact with friends and family, staying well groomed.

It wasn't that PMO was the main problem (although a big contributor), it was the fact that it contributed to all the other underlying issues I had in life. I've been with the NoFap community for about 5 months now, if it wasn't for your support, I would not have been able to do it. Compare who and what I am today, to what I was before NoFap and you wouldn't say it was the same person.