Day One - Never Came Before

Apologies in advance for the long and possibly explicit thread, I want to change my life from today.

I'm currently in Paris, laying down next to my wife, who today caught me masterbating in the hotel bathroom immediately after we had intercourse.

I'm 29 years old and I have never cum from oral stimulation or sexual intercourse, hand job from anyone else. I've been masterbating since I was about 21, I never did it before this age because I literally did not know how! Used to have really really bad blue balls when seeinh girls as a teenager I tell ya! Those trips home from snogging at the back row of the cinema were painful ones!!!

So I forced myself to watch porn and stroke my ting until I finally masterbated for the first time ever at 21, it worked! And boy did I catch up for lost time! Around at least 3-4 times a day from the ages of 21-23. I never used lube btw (I'll explain why I mentioned that later).


So I broke my virginity at 23, but I didn't orgasm! I had the chance to fulfil all these fantasies that I watched online, flipped her all around the room, acted like a pornstar pro; she loved it, 20-30 mins of action for her, but I did not cum. It made me look like a stud! So much so that I ended up sleeping with her friend - again did not cum!

I didn't think it was an issue, I just assumed it was because I didn't have any juice left coz I masterbated earlier on in the day on both occasions.

From the ages of 23-28 I maybe masterbated once/twice a day, with the odd three day break, again never really with lube. I slept with girls, got head a few times but never came. I started to get worried, but kinda just ignored the problem and just assumed it would get better, after all It's not like I can't cum at all right, I'm still coming from jerking off right?!

I started noticing between those ages however, loss of sensitivity in my penis, like literally on the bell end, I could hardly feel a thing, hard later skin was developing on some areas on the bell end, and even after applying loads of moisturising cream over days, there was still no improvement in sensitivity.

Anyways, like a dickhead I fall in love and marry a virgin girl who was 25 at the time and was dating for about a year and is the love of my life. She's really into God and I never ever told her about these sexual problems as I just assumed it would sort it self out.

It's been a year on since we got married, I'm currently on an anniversary trip and I still haven't cum, I've had to lie to my wife for about a year and fake orgasms, I say I've cum when I haven't etc. I think she is naive and innocent, I mean her friends or her sisters told her that me cumming would be like an 'explosion'....and I told her it wasn't the case in all men, this was like a month after our honeymoon. I felt so guilty, she should be getting the explosion she deserves. But what do I do, get depressed and masterbated to porn.

Now every time we have sex, I finish myself off in the bathroom or toilet when I know she's off doing something busy during the day. I still get hard for her, and she is absolutely stunning, and I love having sex with her, it's just that i make her cum after 5-10 mins and after 30mins, she understandably wants to stop, coz she finished about 20 mins ago!

So today she caught me, we got into a massive row and I feel like a prick coz I kinda diverted it to her not giving me oral anymore (she did a few times but didn't like it - I also think she didn't like it coz she felt like she wasn't good at it because I wasn't cumming). So I said I wacked off to some oral porn, she got upset but we made up later.

I haven't taken any medical examination as I think it might be psychological as I can orgasm on my own, just not with my wife or anyone that I've ever had sex wit.

I've tried a few times to Stop masterbating, the longest Ive lasted is about 12 days, to which it hasn't really been beneficial, a period of low libido and I normally revert back to masterbating again.

Spoiler: Possible Triggers

I'm concerned about the lack of sensitivity, i can't really 'feel' my wife's vagina, even though I can tell it's tight, I can feel her cumming on my Pubic area (I shave) but surely I should be feeling it from the head to the shaft before it gets down to the base of my penis?! I can tell it's wet, but I know I should be feeling all sorts of sensations that I don't.

Is it my grip? I grip my penis firm when I'm masterbating but not what I would calll 'over aggressive'. And I only grip on the shaft, between the head and the base, I've never touched the head really, why has it lost sensivity?

Anyways I felt like I should pour my heart out, I really want to give NoFap ago, but I have real concerns over my sensitivity (I am circumcised - does that make a difference) and will a 90 day NoFap make a difference to my life? Should I seek professional help? I know I need to tell my wife, I'm just scared that I will disappoint her with her knowledge that I'm a chronic masterbater and that it might lead to further marriage complications.

I really need help and advice. I love this woman and it's time to man up, I just hope it's not too late.

Thank you in advance.