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The lonely wife of PA spouse

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Eve26, Jun 7, 2017.

  1. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    @Eve26 I journal all of this.
    Different lists have different consequences.
    He's come to love the lists because He can change them.
    They are His lists, it's His recovery.
    Now he's doing awesome.
    I just guide him to my boundaries or the end goal.
    I'm not his mother or the porn police.
    He is in charge of himself.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  2. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I also agree with @Atlanticus
    We have 5 kids... And my SO is very strict with our kids on bringing them up in a radically honest environment.
    I don't know if you can tell... But I'm very blunt. Lol.
     
    Atlanticus and Eve26 like this.
  3. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Going to a personal therapy today. She specializes in trauma caused by sex addicts. I'm hopeful this will be what I need.
     
  4. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    @Jolie children will do what they see...no matter what is said if actions don't match then it doesn't matter.
     
    Atlanticus likes this.
  5. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Yes, - that's why I always say monkey see monkey do, not monkey do what you tell them to :)
     
    Atlanticus and Eve26 like this.
  6. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Well.. husband stuff didn't work today. It had been working great for about 2 months. Now I can't stop thinking he is back to P. We have been having sex about once a week with a couple on spells of 3 days straight to none at all but he never had issues until now since he stopped PMOing. My mind is going crazy thinking the worst. He got angry when I asked if he has looked at P. ( asked him hours later, not while in the moment) Signs not looking good.
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2017
  7. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Why can't he be intimate with me? On all levels
     
  8. Berry89

    Berry89 Guest

    All work of devil....he wants us to be kept in bondage always.... separate us from real things....Jesus frees us from all bondage and addictions....a simple prayer and your life will be changed......read testimony of joyce meyer
     
    Eve26 likes this.
  9. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Went to specialist yesterday and she said PIED coming back doesn't 100% mean he has relapsed but he is out of crisis mode in his mind and he has reverted back to his old thinking process. So he has a lot of work still to do mentally.
     
  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    What???
    My guy has been to lots of therapists... And whenever he ogles or PE or DE or whatever.... We were always told its because he's slipping somewhere
    He goes twice a week for two hours to two different therapies to make sure he's good.
    Not trying to bum you out but what kind of therapist are you seeing?
     
  11. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Dear Porn,
    You are so alluring. You are so seductive. You captivated my husband's heart and intoxicated his mind. You have been his main desire, satisfying him in a way I could never compete. He has protected you and his relationship with you while letting his wife fall, neglecting me in everything. He lived with you in his mind and in his pants. You have taken my dreams of a happy marriage and turned it into a living nightmare. You have stolen my desires, my love, my sexuality, my safety, my self image, my expectations of marriage, my beliefs and my inocences. Because of you Porn I hated my husband. I constantly yelled and screamed. You Porn are my worst enemy. You turned my husband into a coward, a liar and a cheater. You take away his ability to make love to his wife. You tarnish sex. You Porn are a home wrecher, devastation is left behind all that you seduced. You strike to the core of people's beliefs, morals and sexuality. You turn God's gift into a disgusting tanted thing. You Porn have been the sword threw the hearts of all the loved ones of the ones you have captured. I pray my husband sees you for what you really are... a fake, a monster, a ugly beast, a false reality, a love killer, a sword in his families hearts!!
     
  12. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Well.. yet another discovery. Husband has been swearing he has NEVER taken anything live... today I found he had accounts for meetinghookup, iamfreetonight, and newbienudes... these look to be dating sites directed for sex. I'm crushed!!!!!
     
  13. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    To be fair, having accounts on those sites doesn't mean he actually met anyone. NewbieNudes in particular isn't for hooking up, but for posting homemade x-rated pics and videos (ask me how I know!) I suppose people could connect and hook up through there, but that's not the intention of the site. I can't speak for the other two sites, but they sound like fringe sites. On those kinds of sites, 95% of the women's profiles are fake. I'm not trying to give you false hope that he hasn't acted out with other women--I'm just saying those accounts don't necessarily prove that he has.

    Just to be clear ... porn is not satisfying him. Porn never satisfies, which is why addicts keep going back to it over and over. That may sound contradictory, but I guarantee you porn isn't satisfying him the way he'd like it to, or the way he expects it will when he sits down to PMO.

    Everything else in your "dear Porn" rant--I absolutely, 100% agree with.
     
  14. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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    fwiw - @Eve26, I completely agree with @SuperFan, my guess is that 80% of the people on hookup sites, even the main ones, are just getting off on the images and the fantasy. they don't follow through. so while it's still gross and wrong and hurtful, IMO it far from proves he was actually hooking up.

    as a person who has hurt my own wife, and sees some of the devastation caused by porn, let me say "I'm sorry." I hope your husband pulls his head out of his ass and can begin to turn his ship around. it's not easy to do. it's not easy to take all the stuff you've taken, I'm sorry you've been drug to this place.

    please remember to care for yourself in all this. try to have times when you don't think about this. it's a sad and sucky plague.
     
  15. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    ^^^ 100%.

    In fact, one of the biggest gripes that real people have on those sites is the amount of 'flakes'. There are a ton of people who like the fantasy of hooking up with a stranger, and they'll even entertain it for a while with e-mails, texts, etc ... but far fewer people actually go through with it.
     
    anewhope, Eve26 and Kenzi like this.
  16. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks guys! He minimally has admitted to talking to women on them. He said not very much and never met them. But even talking to them is a lie! He has lied to my face with that exact question over 100x in just the last 3 months!!! I still believe there is more. He has called me every night since he moved out to do fanos and prayer... well guess who didn't call tonight!!!...guilty much maybe..
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2017
    SOSo likes this.
  17. phuck-porn!

    phuck-porn! Fapstronaut

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  18. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    And this is 100 percent the exact same reason I don't believe my SO when he says he doesn't have accounts anywhere. They just lie through their teeth don't they? Has he written everything that he's done down?
     
  19. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    Just to be clear ... porn is not satisfying him. Porn never satisfies, which is why addicts keep going back to it over and over. That may sound contradictory, but I guarantee you porn isn't satisfying him the way he'd like it to, or the way he expects it will when he sits down to PMO.

    Everything else in your "dear Porn" rant--I absolutely, 100% agree with.[/QUOTE]

    Thanks I disagree on his main desire and I could not satisfy him like porn. He didn't even desire having sex with me his wife because he got that from porn. He wouldn't even try to have sex with me unless I asked why he wasn't with me and then he would just put his limp dick in for a minute cum (Yes even with still limp d) and be done. Porn was his desire and satisfied him.
     
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  20. Eve26

    Eve26 Fapstronaut

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    It's been 3 1/2 months since he quit P and no he still has not given me anything written though I have been asking. I just get trickle of information and mostly only when I catch him in some way or find added proof.
     
    SOSo likes this.

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