Day 100, figured it was time to acknowledge some success here

PotentLife · Jun 19, 2017

TheFutureMe said: ↑

Greetings fellow Fapstronauts. I hope you'll take someting away from this modest reading, and hope it won't be too boring. For the sake of length and freedom to choose which part you're interested in, I've enclosed the context and process and such in different spoilers which i tried to name aptly. They're not just titles, open them!

First of all a little history. I'm 36, been hooked on M for about 25 years, which quickly grew from fantasy to images then phone then movies, then escalated to every single form P and its sexual hyperstimulation has taken since then. Back when 320px*200px 21 Mb video was 4h download, and I was on it like flies. Anyway long story short, I've always craved hyperstimulation in every domain of my life, going as far as not doing anything if I could'nt foresee the immense results in advance. It was a mindset so deeply rooted in me that I thought everybody who weren't the same were considered "so damn lucky to have found a balance or to know exactly what fulfills their needs" etc etc : a supposedly unattainable state.

Fast forward a couple of decades (of heavy omnipresent damaging P use), my life explodes under all the crap that has been following my unhealthy way of living up till then. Including a crippling Delayed Ejaculation that had always been with me, to the point that I was really wondering what the joke was when the media were talking about average orgasm timing in men.... I never had that many male friends, and the ones I hung around with were like me, not too keen on sharing these kind of things. So I went on blindly until my first girlfriends were like "There there, it's ok, it can happen to everybody". And I was like "Watcha talkin'bout, that shit is normal!" And they all quickly felt unable to please me (which was wrong) because they couldn't last hours to make me O, it physically hurt them despite some pleasure in the beginning. That helped crush my already terrible self-esteem when my very much loved ex felt in a depression because of that (of me and my bizarre ways), which I quickly followed with, and everything went boom in a flash of blinding light.

As the time of recovery came, I started stripping everything in my life down to the bone, the why, the what, the how. Amid a terrifying number of things that need fixing, there was the P issue that I suddenly, for the first time in my life, viewed as somehting that had a core responsibility in many aspects of my behaviors, feelings and general way of living and interacting with the world. How did I realize that? By stumbling on some posts by Fapstronauts on reddit. Questions started tugging my mind in every direction until my eyes suddenly opened : I was officially a P/M addict, and have been for a long time, and I wanted this to change.

tl;dr Heavy user for 25 years, crippled by a bad case of Delayed Ejaculation, my life explodes under the weight of my sexual issues in particular.

I started the NoFap challenges in early 2016 after trying to learn as much as I could about the condition, the successes, the fails, the science and the experiments, the numbers and the distress.

Progress has been tricky to say the least, and like someone wiser than me said sometime ago, Progress brings peril to the unwary. So it happened.

Each fail brought knowledge, each success brought strength.

Small bits of knowledge and small bits of strength piled up, helped me plow through these uneasy times, until I could reach small goals, then bigger ones, then witness changes unfold while a new/different life took over with its many wonders and suprises.

It took more than 6 months until I managed to stay 90 days without any P or Psub at all. During this period I did M as often as every three days, with no support other than souvenirs of my exes for example, so fantasy was still there, M was still there, and mainly unmanageable - there was no way I could delay too much. When an urge hit, I knew (and probably that's the reason it kept happening) I was due to MO in a couple of days.

The desastrous relapse happened after I met a woman at friends and started courting her. She moved me deeply, put something in the cracks of my core, it expanded and crushed the floodgates. After I realized she wouldn't have me in her life I lasted only a couple of days before letting myself down, lowering the bridge and letting the barbarians free to sack everything, pillage and rape. So they did, and I couldn't do any more progress for the next 2 months. Not even a couple of days with enough willpower to set a goal. Binge was real. And it was a stupid time - If you read this, don't binge. DON'T DO IT.

Finally I got back on my feet, raised the flagstronaut (see what I did there?) again, and set out for some more NoFap. I managed to get 30 days under my belt easily with the old ways - No P, some M. But that wasn't satisfactory, I felt hunted by my own brain. I knew what was lurking behind this forced abstinence, a potential for huge relapse because my shit wasn't together, and I needed to get this done, to structure my life and myself by facing a tough challenge. So I set course on Hard mode, extensible length, with objectives ranging from 10 to 30 to 60 to 90 to 180 to 360 to 500.

tl;dr With 18 months of NoFap, I've trialed and errored the shit out of my addiction to realize the best ways to stay away from that shit at first, which partially worked, until it didn't, then realized staying away wasn't enough - true change was necessary

Today is day 160 NoP and 100 NoM. For full disclosure I had 2 Os during this period of time, one around day 60 and one around day 120. Nothing that lasted, just random occasions for quick sex, in which I could validate that my ever-known Delayed Ejaculation problem (having me last for up to 6 hours of unending sex without ejaculating) was gutted.

Why post now, since it's not one of my planned goals?

Well, I was searching for a movie to watch while eating lunch today to make me forget the amazing girl that quite abruptly told me to fuck off the day before. So there I was on my favorite site, which happens to be usually very careful with their stuff. I stumbled upon a movie with a dubious title that got me curious, and while clicking on the timing bar to fast check what it was going to talk about, I've been exposed with softcore P against my will. And sure enough, there it was, the feeling down in my groin that lit up instantly with one shouting voice : look, and M till O. Quite calmly I continued to fast check to see if that was only the one scene and I had been unlucky. It' was not, and the next 3 clicks sent the same urge through my body and brain. I was in shock, breathed, went back to the menu, and went on looking for a proper movie, which I found. (Btw if you haven't see Captain Fantastic yet, take the time, it's got interesting views and acting!)

I had some work to do on the computer so I stayed at my desk, carried on surfing and working, and the urge just wasn't there. Pretty much as soon as the images disappeared from the screen it was fading, much like an echo in a cave, or a dream when you wake up. No. Power. At. All. And then I realized, I'm not under this crap's influence anymore. Despite the immediate shock, I was unharmed, I freely carried on with my day, and it hasn't even been hard to manage.

So I figured, why not get out there and post what I wanted to post at 180/150. After all the numbers are great to get started, but 99 isn't that much worse than 100, so fuck the goals - here's a success that lasts and has amazing results.

tl;dr Had some unwanted invasive P experience today, and I passed with flying colors despite an immediate burn from the addiction rocket. Figured it was a very nice time to share the success, the change, and the hope

What helped me, what didn't (just my experience in my case, don't be mad)

+ Cold showers / A good start to fight early immediate urges, postpone action until the need is gone, idea weaker and body soothed. Got obsolete after a while when the urges where more of a growing tide rather than a smashing wave.
++ Gym / Tehcnicaly I've only been running and doing some fitness at home with an app... But the results in confidence boost and endorphins generation is unquestionable. Helped setting goals and reach them, and delay gratification
++ NoFap forums / Reading, chatting, interacting, helping has been a great way to keep reminded of the damage I did to myself. It improved willpower and knowledge a lot.
+++ Meditation (Mindfulness) / My best weapon, 5 minutes a day is all you need, you can do it anywhere without anyone noticing, and your mind becomes powerful and peaceful at the same time. Clearly an habit that put the right leverage where I needed
-- Porn Blocker / Tried it briefly, but the very idea of feeling "safe" in front of my screen was defeating the purpose of getting control over my life, behavior and habits. What would happen when the fridge is locked but you pass in front of a supermarket?

Accumulated benefits and other surprises

Delayed ejaculation - Effin' gone. Good effin' riddance. I'm still locked somewhere between 30mins and an hour, but man that feels quick and more intense than ever. Maybe there's a normal sex life out there for me. That reassures me so effin' much.

Self-confidence - It's been an unprecedented change. I now value my thoughts and emotions and very existence, voice them over to the world with peace and assurance, and have them cared for. That had never ever been the case before.

Social anxiety - I'm not sure whether it's NoFap or the overall recovery process I'm leading that did it, but unlike any other time in my previous life, I can talk to anybody, anytime, anywhere, about anything (litteraly). It's even disturbing because I've never had so many contacts, I don't even know what to do with them all, I feel like keeping friends with everybody... But that's just impossible! Still a bit too shy with women I like but that's not going away I suppose.

Clear mind - There certainly is a brain fog that's gone. I now only experience it after big nights and little sleep, which feels kindda normal. It also helps to ground me into reality, into the present moment, into what's here and now. Probably a direct side-effect of the mindfulness meditation. This is part of the massive positive feedback loop that can free you from the P vicious cycle: Clear mind leads to positive thoughts and things, leads to mental and physical benefits, leads to an even clearer mind.

Energy and projects - Most of the procrastination is gone (except the bad cases that I still patiently overcome but aren't linked to P in any way, more of a personality trait regarding perfectionism and impeccable accomplishment), revealing a life full of energy, quick reactions, planning projects and enabling friends in their own

Women - I'm still ashamed when I realize the way I used to think about women, look at them, consider them, and categorize them. Not that I've ever been a jerk to any of them, ever (yeah I know, but it's real), but the true nature of my sight was perverted, oriented, sexualized, and pretty much a disgrace. Being able to see so much beauty in sooo many of them, all the imperfections that are so cute, so diverse, so unimaginably attractive.

Where I stand now, and a tale of the future

I know I've rebooted. I had to use tricks against my own brain during this progression but the results are here. And I don't need anymore tricks. 18 months ago I wouldn't have believed it could feel this way, let alone happen that fast. Maybe I've been lucky and efficient in the ways I've changed the background of my life, that fertile place where addiction grows. It is a tremendous pride, and I feel lucky to have been guided here at NoFap, to have been welcomed and supported and listened, towards a state that I wished to accomplish but my own vicious mind thought scheme prevented me to contemplate at the time. Thanks to you all!

I'll stay here at the forums until one a few things happen;

Reaching 500 days with a confident approach for the future;

I decide that I need to move away from the thought of monitoring myself for P (because it would be a hindrance at the time);

I meet a partner I can confide in for all this matter

I think it's fairly interesting to note that this very experience with addiction, the people who are struggling and battling, the people who break away, the people that care for all of the latter, has lit up a flame in me that will be used to fuel my new career : becoming a trained psychologist and working almost exclusively on that topic. I'm starting back at the Uni in september - Wish me luck !

If anything more changes in the next few months I'll probably try and come back and synthetise the new info in a new post, maybe, we'll see how it goes. I've seen so much change already I'm not even asking for more anymore!

You guys can do a ton of things to have a positive impact on the changes you'd like to realize. Being in this community, participating and challenging yourselves is a big part of that. Keep it up, and I wish to read you soon in the success section.

May a lot of light shine on your paths, and peace fill your hearts and minds.
Click to expand...

I very much enjoy the nicely organized, brash, upbeat and accessible style of your post, @TheFutureMe ! And oodles of congratulations on this 100+, 160+ day oasis from the ravages we all know so well. I wish you enormously more and surprising benefits, steel-diamond resolve to continue and expand upon your progress, a brilliant career in psychology and lovely, lovely experiences with the ladies.

wake_up · Jun 19, 2017

Wow, just WOW!
I change the rating of this thread from awesome to *super awesome*.

Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your meditation approach in such detail. That's super helpful !

TheFutureMe · Jun 20, 2017

I'm glad that it's helpful to you guys Once again, sharing is caring

Endlessknight · Jul 28, 2017

TheFutureMe said: ↑

Greetings fellow Fapstronauts. I hope you'll take someting away from this modest reading, and hope it won't be too boring. For the sake of length and freedom to choose which part you're interested in, I've enclosed the context and process and such in different spoilers which i tried to name aptly. They're not just titles, open them!

First of all a little history. I'm 36, been hooked on M for about 25 years, which quickly grew from fantasy to images then phone then movies, then escalated to every single form P and its sexual hyperstimulation has taken since then. Back when 320px*200px 21 Mb video was 4h download, and I was on it like flies. Anyway long story short, I've always craved hyperstimulation in every domain of my life, going as far as not doing anything if I could'nt foresee the immense results in advance. It was a mindset so deeply rooted in me that I thought everybody who weren't the same were considered "so damn lucky to have found a balance or to know exactly what fulfills their needs" etc etc : a supposedly unattainable state.

Fast forward a couple of decades (of heavy omnipresent damaging P use), my life explodes under all the crap that has been following my unhealthy way of living up till then. Including a crippling Delayed Ejaculation that had always been with me, to the point that I was really wondering what the joke was when the media were talking about average orgasm timing in men.... I never had that many male friends, and the ones I hung around with were like me, not too keen on sharing these kind of things. So I went on blindly until my first girlfriends were like "There there, it's ok, it can happen to everybody". And I was like "Watcha talkin'bout, that shit is normal!" And they all quickly felt unable to please me (which was wrong) because they couldn't last hours to make me O, it physically hurt them despite some pleasure in the beginning. That helped crush my already terrible self-esteem when my very much loved ex felt in a depression because of that (of me and my bizarre ways), which I quickly followed with, and everything went boom in a flash of blinding light.

As the time of recovery came, I started stripping everything in my life down to the bone, the why, the what, the how. Amid a terrifying number of things that need fixing, there was the P issue that I suddenly, for the first time in my life, viewed as somehting that had a core responsibility in many aspects of my behaviors, feelings and general way of living and interacting with the world. How did I realize that? By stumbling on some posts by Fapstronauts on reddit. Questions started tugging my mind in every direction until my eyes suddenly opened : I was officially a P/M addict, and have been for a long time, and I wanted this to change.

tl;dr Heavy user for 25 years, crippled by a bad case of Delayed Ejaculation, my life explodes under the weight of my sexual issues in particular.

I started the NoFap challenges in early 2016 after trying to learn as much as I could about the condition, the successes, the fails, the science and the experiments, the numbers and the distress.

Progress has been tricky to say the least, and like someone wiser than me said sometime ago, Progress brings peril to the unwary. So it happened.

Each fail brought knowledge, each success brought strength.

Small bits of knowledge and small bits of strength piled up, helped me plow through these uneasy times, until I could reach small goals, then bigger ones, then witness changes unfold while a new/different life took over with its many wonders and suprises.

It took more than 6 months until I managed to stay 90 days without any P or Psub at all. During this period I did M as often as every three days, with no support other than souvenirs of my exes for example, so fantasy was still there, M was still there, and mainly unmanageable - there was no way I could delay too much. When an urge hit, I knew (and probably that's the reason it kept happening) I was due to MO in a couple of days.

The desastrous relapse happened after I met a woman at friends and started courting her. She moved me deeply, put something in the cracks of my core, it expanded and crushed the floodgates. After I realized she wouldn't have me in her life I lasted only a couple of days before letting myself down, lowering the bridge and letting the barbarians free to sack everything, pillage and rape. So they did, and I couldn't do any more progress for the next 2 months. Not even a couple of days with enough willpower to set a goal. Binge was real. And it was a stupid time - If you read this, don't binge. DON'T DO IT.

Finally I got back on my feet, raised the flagstronaut (see what I did there?) again, and set out for some more NoFap. I managed to get 30 days under my belt easily with the old ways - No P, some M. But that wasn't satisfactory, I felt hunted by my own brain. I knew what was lurking behind this forced abstinence, a potential for huge relapse because my shit wasn't together, and I needed to get this done, to structure my life and myself by facing a tough challenge. So I set course on Hard mode, extensible length, with objectives ranging from 10 to 30 to 60 to 90 to 180 to 360 to 500.

tl;dr With 18 months of NoFap, I've trialed and errored the shit out of my addiction to realize the best ways to stay away from that shit at first, which partially worked, until it didn't, then realized staying away wasn't enough - true change was necessary

Today is day 160 NoP and 100 NoM. For full disclosure I had 2 Os during this period of time, one around day 60 and one around day 120. Nothing that lasted, just random occasions for quick sex, in which I could validate that my ever-known Delayed Ejaculation problem (having me last for up to 6 hours of unending sex without ejaculating) was gutted.

Why post now, since it's not one of my planned goals?

Well, I was searching for a movie to watch while eating lunch today to make me forget the amazing girl that quite abruptly told me to fuck off the day before. So there I was on my favorite site, which happens to be usually very careful with their stuff. I stumbled upon a movie with a dubious title that got me curious, and while clicking on the timing bar to fast check what it was going to talk about, I've been exposed with softcore P against my will. And sure enough, there it was, the feeling down in my groin that lit up instantly with one shouting voice : look, and M till O. Quite calmly I continued to fast check to see if that was only the one scene and I had been unlucky. It' was not, and the next 3 clicks sent the same urge through my body and brain. I was in shock, breathed, went back to the menu, and went on looking for a proper movie, which I found. (Btw if you haven't see Captain Fantastic yet, take the time, it's got interesting views and acting!)

I had some work to do on the computer so I stayed at my desk, carried on surfing and working, and the urge just wasn't there. Pretty much as soon as the images disappeared from the screen it was fading, much like an echo in a cave, or a dream when you wake up. No. Power. At. All. And then I realized, I'm not under this crap's influence anymore. Despite the immediate shock, I was unharmed, I freely carried on with my day, and it hasn't even been hard to manage.

So I figured, why not get out there and post what I wanted to post at 180/150. After all the numbers are great to get started, but 99 isn't that much worse than 100, so fuck the goals - here's a success that lasts and has amazing results.

tl;dr Had some unwanted invasive P experience today, and I passed with flying colors despite an immediate burn from the addiction rocket. Figured it was a very nice time to share the success, the change, and the hope

What helped me, what didn't (just my experience in my case, don't be mad)

+ Cold showers / A good start to fight early immediate urges, postpone action until the need is gone, idea weaker and body soothed. Got obsolete after a while when the urges where more of a growing tide rather than a smashing wave.
++ Gym / Tehcnicaly I've only been running and doing some fitness at home with an app... But the results in confidence boost and endorphins generation is unquestionable. Helped setting goals and reach them, and delay gratification
++ NoFap forums / Reading, chatting, interacting, helping has been a great way to keep reminded of the damage I did to myself. It improved willpower and knowledge a lot.
+++ Meditation (Mindfulness) / My best weapon, 5 minutes a day is all you need, you can do it anywhere without anyone noticing, and your mind becomes powerful and peaceful at the same time. Clearly an habit that put the right leverage where I needed
-- Porn Blocker / Tried it briefly, but the very idea of feeling "safe" in front of my screen was defeating the purpose of getting control over my life, behavior and habits. What would happen when the fridge is locked but you pass in front of a supermarket?

Accumulated benefits and other surprises

Delayed ejaculation - Effin' gone. Good effin' riddance. I'm still locked somewhere between 30mins and an hour, but man that feels quick and more intense than ever. Maybe there's a normal sex life out there for me. That reassures me so effin' much.

Self-confidence - It's been an unprecedented change. I now value my thoughts and emotions and very existence, voice them over to the world with peace and assurance, and have them cared for. That had never ever been the case before.

Social anxiety - I'm not sure whether it's NoFap or the overall recovery process I'm leading that did it, but unlike any other time in my previous life, I can talk to anybody, anytime, anywhere, about anything (litteraly). It's even disturbing because I've never had so many contacts, I don't even know what to do with them all, I feel like keeping friends with everybody... But that's just impossible! Still a bit too shy with women I like but that's not going away I suppose.

Clear mind - There certainly is a brain fog that's gone. I now only experience it after big nights and little sleep, which feels kindda normal. It also helps to ground me into reality, into the present moment, into what's here and now. Probably a direct side-effect of the mindfulness meditation. This is part of the massive positive feedback loop that can free you from the P vicious cycle: Clear mind leads to positive thoughts and things, leads to mental and physical benefits, leads to an even clearer mind.

Energy and projects - Most of the procrastination is gone (except the bad cases that I still patiently overcome but aren't linked to P in any way, more of a personality trait regarding perfectionism and impeccable accomplishment), revealing a life full of energy, quick reactions, planning projects and enabling friends in their own

Women - I'm still ashamed when I realize the way I used to think about women, look at them, consider them, and categorize them. Not that I've ever been a jerk to any of them, ever (yeah I know, but it's real), but the true nature of my sight was perverted, oriented, sexualized, and pretty much a disgrace. Being able to see so much beauty in sooo many of them, all the imperfections that are so cute, so diverse, so unimaginably attractive.

Where I stand now, and a tale of the future

I know I've rebooted. I had to use tricks against my own brain during this progression but the results are here. And I don't need anymore tricks. 18 months ago I wouldn't have believed it could feel this way, let alone happen that fast. Maybe I've been lucky and efficient in the ways I've changed the background of my life, that fertile place where addiction grows. It is a tremendous pride, and I feel lucky to have been guided here at NoFap, to have been welcomed and supported and listened, towards a state that I wished to accomplish but my own vicious mind thought scheme prevented me to contemplate at the time. Thanks to you all!

I'll stay here at the forums until one a few things happen;

Reaching 500 days with a confident approach for the future;

I decide that I need to move away from the thought of monitoring myself for P (because it would be a hindrance at the time);

I meet a partner I can confide in for all this matter

I think it's fairly interesting to note that this very experience with addiction, the people who are struggling and battling, the people who break away, the people that care for all of the latter, has lit up a flame in me that will be used to fuel my new career : becoming a trained psychologist and working almost exclusively on that topic. I'm starting back at the Uni in september - Wish me luck !

If anything more changes in the next few months I'll probably try and come back and synthetise the new info in a new post, maybe, we'll see how it goes. I've seen so much change already I'm not even asking for more anymore!

You guys can do a ton of things to have a positive impact on the changes you'd like to realize. Being in this community, participating and challenging yourselves is a big part of that. Keep it up, and I wish to read you soon in the success section.

May a lot of light shine on your paths, and peace fill your hearts and minds.
Click to expand...

Thank you so much for posting. Your situation mirrors mine, expect for me it ED not DE. This really is inspiring.

TheFutureMe · Jul 28, 2017

You're most welcome!

While DE doesn't bring the same wounds as ED, in both cases getting free from P/M and from the massive amounts of neurochemicals our addicted bodies drown in is a necessary step towards recovery. The desensitization also fades when you start recovering, and if you're a lot like me you end up discovering what it is to be fully functional, and it's awesome! One difficulty with these issues, is that through the challenges we're tempted to "have a go" at trying what state our DE or ED is in right now. This can become a source for relapse, especially if you find little change to your physical issues, it can dampen or even shatter your willpower to carry on. So please make sure you refrain from "trying". It requires a little "faith", so to speak.

I trust you've read the many accounts of fapstronauts that have cured/overcome their ED, and that you noticed how vastly different the recovery durations are. And how successful and happy they are when they realize it's gone!

Be patient and set achievable recursive goals while keeping an eye on where you want to be in the end, would be my advice.

All the best!

Endlessknight · Jul 28, 2017

TheFutureMe said: ↑

You're most welcome!

While DE doesn't bring the same wounds as ED, in both cases getting free from P/M and from the massive amounts of neurochemicals our addicted bodies drown in is a necessary step towards recovery. The desensitization also fades when you start recovering, and if you're a lot like me you end up discovering what it is to be fully functional, and it's awesome! One difficulty with these issues, is that through the challenges we're tempted to "have a go" at trying what state our DE or ED is in right now. This can become a source for relapse, especially if you find little change to your physical issues, it can dampen or even shatter your willpower to carry on. So please make sure you refrain from "trying". It requires a little "faith", so to speak.

I trust you've read the many accounts of fapstronauts that have cured/overcome their ED, and that you noticed how vastly different the recovery durations are. And how successful and happy they are when they realize it's gone!

Be patient and set achievable recursive goals while keeping an eye on where you want to be in the end, would be my advice.

All the best!
Click to expand...

Thanks for taking the time to reply.

Yes, I've read many of the success stories on the forum but often worry they are not applicable to me given that I'm am much older than the average Fapstronaut. That's why your story was so inspiring because you are close to my age.

I'm committed to 90 days but I do worry if that'll being enough.

Thanks again for the input.

TheFutureMe · Jul 28, 2017

Endlessknight said: ↑

That's why your story was so inspiring because you are close to my age.
I'm committed to 90 days but I do worry if that'll being enough.
Click to expand...

If our experience is similar (despite the DE vs ED situation), I take it you've been using for a long time, just as I did. In my case we're talking 25 years of everything you can imagine a 10yo can use for visual sexual stimulation to the Great Internet of Porn we drown into today. Our cases are a little trickier than those of the young ones who are tackling this part of their life - all the biochemical and neurological aspects of behavioral addiction are much stronger in us than it is in them. Therefore when some can reach total recovery in 90 days, we must be careful and patient, because at this stage (while it already is a great achievement compared to previous states we've experienced), the fragility of newly formed neural pathways compared to the overwhelming strentgh of the old defective ones can still be felt - especially in what I call my 'darkest hours' : tired, afflicted, in pain, frustrated, hungry, restless etc.
It's amazing that you're already commited to 90 days, and I wish you all the best for it. I'm confident you'll get there, a few minor setbacks notwithstanding The tools and knowledge and habits you'll develop to get to 90 will get you much further and you'll heal. Only it's not a binary state, your current struggle will ease in the next part of your life, blend, and if the forums can help in one thing (besides being a fantastic amount of data and experiences) it's that they help you keep track of these changes, so you can at all times measure where you were, what you've been through, and where you are now.

Like someone much wiser than me once said, if you're going through hell - keep going.

SkyFallBack · Jul 28, 2017

This is one the comprehensive/truthful posts I've seen and way to go man! We all need the "flame" to ignite the inner anger to declare war on P and the passion to live a better life. They way you describe P addiction has raised the bar to a psychological level. Be there and be good!

chancer17 · Jul 28, 2017

Congratulations man!! I am a long long way off what you have achieved. But everyday gets me closer to my goal. I am going through a difficult period at present as I was warned i would be between days 30 and days 40 but reading stories like yours help keep me strong!

Endlessknight · Jul 28, 2017

chancer17 said: ↑

Congratulations man!! I am a long long way off what you have achieved. But everyday gets me closer to my goal. I am going through a difficult period at present as I was warned i would be between days 30 and days 40 but reading stories like yours help keep me strong!
Click to expand...

Can you a elaborate on your current difficulties? I want to see what to look out for a I approach day 30.

xXkiller42 · Jul 28, 2017

TheFutureMe said: ↑

Greetings fellow Fapstronauts. I hope you'll take someting away from this modest reading, and hope it won't be too boring. For the sake of length and freedom to choose which part you're interested in, I've enclosed the context and process and such in different spoilers which i tried to name aptly. They're not just titles, open them!

First of all a little history. I'm 36, been hooked on M for about 25 years, which quickly grew from fantasy to images then phone then movies, then escalated to every single form P and its sexual hyperstimulation has taken since then. Back when 320px*200px 21 Mb video was 4h download, and I was on it like flies. Anyway long story short, I've always craved hyperstimulation in every domain of my life, going as far as not doing anything if I could'nt foresee the immense results in advance. It was a mindset so deeply rooted in me that I thought everybody who weren't the same were considered "so damn lucky to have found a balance or to know exactly what fulfills their needs" etc etc : a supposedly unattainable state.

Fast forward a couple of decades (of heavy omnipresent damaging P use), my life explodes under all the crap that has been following my unhealthy way of living up till then. Including a crippling Delayed Ejaculation that had always been with me, to the point that I was really wondering what the joke was when the media were talking about average orgasm timing in men.... I never had that many male friends, and the ones I hung around with were like me, not too keen on sharing these kind of things. So I went on blindly until my first girlfriends were like "There there, it's ok, it can happen to everybody". And I was like "Watcha talkin'bout, that shit is normal!" And they all quickly felt unable to please me (which was wrong) because they couldn't last hours to make me O, it physically hurt them despite some pleasure in the beginning. That helped crush my already terrible self-esteem when my very much loved ex felt in a depression because of that (of me and my bizarre ways), which I quickly followed with, and everything went boom in a flash of blinding light.

As the time of recovery came, I started stripping everything in my life down to the bone, the why, the what, the how. Amid a terrifying number of things that need fixing, there was the P issue that I suddenly, for the first time in my life, viewed as somehting that had a core responsibility in many aspects of my behaviors, feelings and general way of living and interacting with the world. How did I realize that? By stumbling on some posts by Fapstronauts on reddit. Questions started tugging my mind in every direction until my eyes suddenly opened : I was officially a P/M addict, and have been for a long time, and I wanted this to change.

tl;dr Heavy user for 25 years, crippled by a bad case of Delayed Ejaculation, my life explodes under the weight of my sexual issues in particular.

I started the NoFap challenges in early 2016 after trying to learn as much as I could about the condition, the successes, the fails, the science and the experiments, the numbers and the distress.

Progress has been tricky to say the least, and like someone wiser than me said sometime ago, Progress brings peril to the unwary. So it happened.

Each fail brought knowledge, each success brought strength.

Small bits of knowledge and small bits of strength piled up, helped me plow through these uneasy times, until I could reach small goals, then bigger ones, then witness changes unfold while a new/different life took over with its many wonders and suprises.

It took more than 6 months until I managed to stay 90 days without any P or Psub at all. During this period I did M as often as every three days, with no support other than souvenirs of my exes for example, so fantasy was still there, M was still there, and mainly unmanageable - there was no way I could delay too much. When an urge hit, I knew (and probably that's the reason it kept happening) I was due to MO in a couple of days.

The desastrous relapse happened after I met a woman at friends and started courting her. She moved me deeply, put something in the cracks of my core, it expanded and crushed the floodgates. After I realized she wouldn't have me in her life I lasted only a couple of days before letting myself down, lowering the bridge and letting the barbarians free to sack everything, pillage and rape. So they did, and I couldn't do any more progress for the next 2 months. Not even a couple of days with enough willpower to set a goal. Binge was real. And it was a stupid time - If you read this, don't binge. DON'T DO IT.

Finally I got back on my feet, raised the flagstronaut (see what I did there?) again, and set out for some more NoFap. I managed to get 30 days under my belt easily with the old ways - No P, some M. But that wasn't satisfactory, I felt hunted by my own brain. I knew what was lurking behind this forced abstinence, a potential for huge relapse because my shit wasn't together, and I needed to get this done, to structure my life and myself by facing a tough challenge. So I set course on Hard mode, extensible length, with objectives ranging from 10 to 30 to 60 to 90 to 180 to 360 to 500.

tl;dr With 18 months of NoFap, I've trialed and errored the shit out of my addiction to realize the best ways to stay away from that shit at first, which partially worked, until it didn't, then realized staying away wasn't enough - true change was necessary

Today is day 160 NoP and 100 NoM. For full disclosure I had 2 Os during this period of time, one around day 60 and one around day 120. Nothing that lasted, just random occasions for quick sex, in which I could validate that my ever-known Delayed Ejaculation problem (having me last for up to 6 hours of unending sex without ejaculating) was gutted.

Why post now, since it's not one of my planned goals?

Well, I was searching for a movie to watch while eating lunch today to make me forget the amazing girl that quite abruptly told me to fuck off the day before. So there I was on my favorite site, which happens to be usually very careful with their stuff. I stumbled upon a movie with a dubious title that got me curious, and while clicking on the timing bar to fast check what it was going to talk about, I've been exposed with softcore P against my will. And sure enough, there it was, the feeling down in my groin that lit up instantly with one shouting voice : look, and M till O. Quite calmly I continued to fast check to see if that was only the one scene and I had been unlucky. It' was not, and the next 3 clicks sent the same urge through my body and brain. I was in shock, breathed, went back to the menu, and went on looking for a proper movie, which I found. (Btw if you haven't see Captain Fantastic yet, take the time, it's got interesting views and acting!)

I had some work to do on the computer so I stayed at my desk, carried on surfing and working, and the urge just wasn't there. Pretty much as soon as the images disappeared from the screen it was fading, much like an echo in a cave, or a dream when you wake up. No. Power. At. All. And then I realized, I'm not under this crap's influence anymore. Despite the immediate shock, I was unharmed, I freely carried on with my day, and it hasn't even been hard to manage.

So I figured, why not get out there and post what I wanted to post at 180/150. After all the numbers are great to get started, but 99 isn't that much worse than 100, so fuck the goals - here's a success that lasts and has amazing results.

tl;dr Had some unwanted invasive P experience today, and I passed with flying colors despite an immediate burn from the addiction rocket. Figured it was a very nice time to share the success, the change, and the hope

What helped me, what didn't (just my experience in my case, don't be mad)

+ Cold showers / A good start to fight early immediate urges, postpone action until the need is gone, idea weaker and body soothed. Got obsolete after a while when the urges where more of a growing tide rather than a smashing wave.
++ Gym / Tehcnicaly I've only been running and doing some fitness at home with an app... But the results in confidence boost and endorphins generation is unquestionable. Helped setting goals and reach them, and delay gratification
++ NoFap forums / Reading, chatting, interacting, helping has been a great way to keep reminded of the damage I did to myself. It improved willpower and knowledge a lot.
+++ Meditation (Mindfulness) / My best weapon, 5 minutes a day is all you need, you can do it anywhere without anyone noticing, and your mind becomes powerful and peaceful at the same time. Clearly an habit that put the right leverage where I needed
-- Porn Blocker / Tried it briefly, but the very idea of feeling "safe" in front of my screen was defeating the purpose of getting control over my life, behavior and habits. What would happen when the fridge is locked but you pass in front of a supermarket?

Accumulated benefits and other surprises

Delayed ejaculation - Effin' gone. Good effin' riddance. I'm still locked somewhere between 30mins and an hour, but man that feels quick and more intense than ever. Maybe there's a normal sex life out there for me. That reassures me so effin' much.

Self-confidence - It's been an unprecedented change. I now value my thoughts and emotions and very existence, voice them over to the world with peace and assurance, and have them cared for. That had never ever been the case before.

Social anxiety - I'm not sure whether it's NoFap or the overall recovery process I'm leading that did it, but unlike any other time in my previous life, I can talk to anybody, anytime, anywhere, about anything (litteraly). It's even disturbing because I've never had so many contacts, I don't even know what to do with them all, I feel like keeping friends with everybody... But that's just impossible! Still a bit too shy with women I like but that's not going away I suppose.

Clear mind - There certainly is a brain fog that's gone. I now only experience it after big nights and little sleep, which feels kindda normal. It also helps to ground me into reality, into the present moment, into what's here and now. Probably a direct side-effect of the mindfulness meditation. This is part of the massive positive feedback loop that can free you from the P vicious cycle: Clear mind leads to positive thoughts and things, leads to mental and physical benefits, leads to an even clearer mind.

Energy and projects - Most of the procrastination is gone (except the bad cases that I still patiently overcome but aren't linked to P in any way, more of a personality trait regarding perfectionism and impeccable accomplishment), revealing a life full of energy, quick reactions, planning projects and enabling friends in their own

Women - I'm still ashamed when I realize the way I used to think about women, look at them, consider them, and categorize them. Not that I've ever been a jerk to any of them, ever (yeah I know, but it's real), but the true nature of my sight was perverted, oriented, sexualized, and pretty much a disgrace. Being able to see so much beauty in sooo many of them, all the imperfections that are so cute, so diverse, so unimaginably attractive.

Where I stand now, and a tale of the future

I know I've rebooted. I had to use tricks against my own brain during this progression but the results are here. And I don't need anymore tricks. 18 months ago I wouldn't have believed it could feel this way, let alone happen that fast. Maybe I've been lucky and efficient in the ways I've changed the background of my life, that fertile place where addiction grows. It is a tremendous pride, and I feel lucky to have been guided here at NoFap, to have been welcomed and supported and listened, towards a state that I wished to accomplish but my own vicious mind thought scheme prevented me to contemplate at the time. Thanks to you all!

I'll stay here at the forums until one a few things happen;

Reaching 500 days with a confident approach for the future;

I decide that I need to move away from the thought of monitoring myself for P (because it would be a hindrance at the time);

I meet a partner I can confide in for all this matter

I think it's fairly interesting to note that this very experience with addiction, the people who are struggling and battling, the people who break away, the people that care for all of the latter, has lit up a flame in me that will be used to fuel my new career : becoming a trained psychologist and working almost exclusively on that topic. I'm starting back at the Uni in september - Wish me luck !

If anything more changes in the next few months I'll probably try and come back and synthetise the new info in a new post, maybe, we'll see how it goes. I've seen so much change already I'm not even asking for more anymore!

You guys can do a ton of things to have a positive impact on the changes you'd like to realize. Being in this community, participating and challenging yourselves is a big part of that. Keep it up, and I wish to read you soon in the success section.

May a lot of light shine on your paths, and peace fill your hearts and minds.
Click to expand...

Great job!

Log in

Day 100, figured it was time to acknowledge some success here

PotentLife Fapstronaut

wake_up Fapstronaut

TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

Endlessknight Fapstronaut

TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

Endlessknight Fapstronaut

TheFutureMe Fapstronaut

SkyFallBack Fapstronaut

chancer17 Fapstronaut

Endlessknight Fapstronaut

xXkiller42 Fapstronaut

Share This Page