Taking up the battle once and for all!

This is my declaration of war.

I'm 27 male, been using porn since I discovered it waaay back when I was 12 or 13.

I'm a super diehard Christian, and have given my whole life to living a righteous life, and doing what the Bible says. I've found deep purpose and good lifelong friends in this pursuit.

That's why I'm so so terribly ashamed of my porn addiction. It's held me back and stinted my spiritual growth, and I'm not even sure how deeply I've been affected. You have to understand, Christianity is my entire entire life! I've given up so much to live for God, and when I give in to temptation it goes completely against everything I stand for, is a spit in the face to all I've given up and to all those who look to me as an example.

I've tried to quit several times, but now I finally have come to the end of my ropes because I've fallen in love with a fellow Christian. She is a gorgeous, glowing, kind-hearted, genuine, wonderful person, and I hope to marry her one day. But I can't bear the idea of her dealing with my addiction! It's for her sake that I will take up this battle once and for all. (I'm crying while writing this) Somehow I've been ok with me damaging myself, but I CANNOT ask a person to marry me, and then have to tell them that they are engaged to a sex addict. I've got to overcome this before the relationship gets to that level. Time is running out!

My strategy is to follow the advice of the simple youtube video entitled How To Quit Porn Forever

I'm going to:
1) Know my triggers and stay away from them!

• In bed at night trying to sleep
• Alone at work after hours (I'm a web developer)
• See/think of arousing thing while driving
• See/think of arousing thing while otherwise alone

2) Seek out a replacement activity. Here's a short list - I also suffer from a mood disorder, so that's taken into consideration. I will place this list next to every area where I tend to give in.

• Pray immediately and intensely!
• Call my accountability partner
• Start singing a song or at least humming
• Go out to eat somewhere
• Take a walk
• Clean something
• Call a friend
• Call a fellow Christian and tell them that I'm fighting the fight alongside them
• Get in the car and start driving
• Smile and think "Life is good! God is good!"
• List all the things I'm thankful for
• Go running
• Pour out my feelings on the nofap forum
• Go buy something cool
• Visit some of my little nieces and nephews
• Go to the golfing range
• Masturbate (I'm not going to consider masturbation a loss at this point, just porn)

3) Install internet blockers on all computers and phone (done!). Use a random password generator for the admin login so I can't remember it. Write the number down and put it in a locked box at work. Store the key separate.
4) Brainwash myself about the true and vast negative effects of porn

Let's do this together brothers!

 

Yeah for sure! I'll go for the no-masturbation after I conquer porn. But to do it all at once I feel it's just too steep of a hill to climb all at once. I took some time to list out why I'm doing just porn first:

• It's the visual that screws with your brain - More women, next woman, seeing boobs, witnessing the act itself. 2D women. Seeing it so much (and at such variety) kills your sensitivity to stuff like that, and over time harms your ability to perform with 3d women.
• For me, it's the hi-res photos and videos of porn that has come about more recently in history. Masturbation has been possible and thus has likely been around for millenia
• In my church, we have a really strict doctrine. We don't even talk about this stuff much, but when we do it's all about porn. Masturbation isn't even mentioned.
• I feel that in an honest and good marriage relationship, masturbation could reasonably be a turn-on for the partner and a useful thing, possibly even being a part of normal sexual relationships. Whereas it would be quite the stretch for porn to be a positive thing.

However, people say pretty commonly about the huge positive benefits of not masturbating for a while. Zest for life, energy, motivation, feeling masculine and powerful, confident, able to talk, etc. etc. But for me it's too high of a hill to climb for now. I may take on the no-masturbation challenge after being free from porn for a while (like a year) but the important thing for me is to stop the destruction. That's why my goal is to abstain from porn only.

 

This is exactly my same experience and I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!! WHY DO WE HAVE TO BE SO STUPID TO GIVE IN????

Listen, I'm 28 years old - I've been fighting since before I was your age. But I want to tell you (in tears): I waited too long and tried backup plan A, backup plan B, thinking I had it under control. I held back from doing things like talking to my priest, researching the psychology behind it, and sticking to a group that can help. Now after years of falling I've finally become desperate enough to do all of those things. Don't mess around! You don't have to fall for years! Do everything you can. Take the dive and talk to your priest.

Here's why I think you should talk to him:

1. If he's a godly man, you'll find he is instantly supportive and understanding. He'll pray with you and encourage you!
2. If he's not godly, or just doesn't really have good understanding yet, he'll make you feel bad about it (this happened to me before) but he'll still give you advice and encouragement. If that happens and it ultimately makes you feel condemned, you don't have to talk to him about it again.
3. Most importantly: This will prove to yourself just how serious this thing is! Yes, it's extremely important, not just for your life, but for your eternal life! What is shame compared to the long run? Especially if it's shame because you're facing the truth!

I have also talked to my priest. I've talked to 3 people about it, and have found a person that helps me practically. Now he's my accountability partner, and I've shared with him about this site so we can talk regularly about it. Also I can call him if I'm really in a bind and he'll answer with wisdom.

I will definitely pray for you, and that definitely helps! God is constantly watching. He's our Father and we can count on Him. You should pray too every day for this because it's like the reason why Jesus was sent down to earth on the first place!

Prayer helps. Also, be strong and don't forget that there's no reason to give in even one more time! Read 1 Corinthians 10:13 - print it out in the biggest size letters you can and read it every single day. Get it ingrained into your mind:

"No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

There it is. It's literally written right there in the Bible. What are you going to do, just ignore this verse? Is there any situation that doesn't fit in this? Does God make exceptions? No! God has promised this! No matter how hard it seems, no matter how much burning --- He will make sure that there is always a way of getting through without giving in!

I know for myself that when I'm in the right mindset I will not fall. So for me the biggest part of the battle is to make sure I am in that mindset: I will not give in. Like you said, we get proud. I honestly believe that this is all part of God's good work to make us humble and realize that indeed we are just little pushovers without Him. In a way, I'm really glad for all this, because God has able to make me really humble through it all.

This is good! I believe in you - you can do it!! Take it one day at a time and don't put yourself in stupid situations where you know you're going to be tempted. That's just fooling around, and God can't bless that.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes. Remember me, and fight so that you can tell me that you made it all the way without giving in!