Can I really be in a relationship?

First of all congratufreakinglations are in order for abstaining from PMO that long!!!!! That being said this applies only if you are in your 20s because this is as far as my life experience has taken me:

Your abstinence may have increased your libido and since now you are living in reality and not the fake world that is porn, you are challenged with decisions which maybe you should have made a while ago. Your eyes are wide open, perhaps this woman you are with is not the one.

If that is not the case from my brief experience (probably 5 years) on dating/relationships, it isn't about "Can I be in a relationship because there are so many women out there" It is instead "Can I stop searching and searching and searching and make the DECISION to settle."

Your "feeling" that you have been a player and sought so many different women, was an actual reality that porn hid from you. But just as you have abstained from porn for this long, you can also change your player behavior, if honestly and truly you decide to change as you honestly and truly decided to not PMO for 60 days.

 

Sometimes we go through hard times. Everyone loses out on someone they love once or twice, or maybe even a hundred times in their lives. The trick is to treat this as a harsh lesson in life and learn from your mistakes. In times like this it's easy to wallow in your self-pity and turn to the self-destructive behavior that got you here in the first place. Don't. It's a vicious cycle and you need to get out of it by accepting the situation for what it is, thinking about how your actions have led to this situation, and resolving to do things differently next time.

 

I don't think you can necessarily blame porn for causing you to want multiple women. Men and women both cheat in relationships, and history is replete with examples of harems and philandering well before the existence of porn. If you're having a hard time committing to a woman, she just might not be the right woman for you, or you haven't made the kind of emotional connection that you find satisfying with her. Once you're satisfied emotionally, the desire for monogamy follows. It's wise to date around until you're sure you've found the right lady. If you're going to spend the rest of your life with her, you should be sure she's right for you.

 

I agree with DwiZzy, it seems a bit far out to blame pornography for this because this stuff probably happens a lot. Unless she can no longer get you off?

 

it happens man.. your doing something about it.. pray.. have faith..
it happened to me too. and yes i had to end it.. because my addiction to other women would not let me find peace with just one.. .
i understand fully. I'm 32.. i am ready to drop this addiction.. I've seen porn online since like .. 18. it started with just photos.. i think it didn't get into videos till i was like 24 or so.. the internet and high speed internet did make it easy to get into porn. so.. thats that..

what am in doing to rid myself of this.. coming on here. dieting.. I'm into self mastery. I'm into... my word. and commitment. I'm into success.

its taken me a while to get here. you being on here 60 days in.. with out fap.. wow.. big respect.. the most I've done is 30 days.

don't be so hard on yourself.. build on your success.
-suclptor.

 

I don't think so. I think a lot of commentators are looking at this generation and trying to blame the advances of mass media for us being some how different, but that's not really the case. Men and women have always had a harm time connecting. Even in the book of Genesis, they describe God putting a curse on men and women to always be at each other's throats. The reason we aren't marrying as much these days is because no one's pressuring us to. It used to be that parents would set sons up on dates, everyone in the school would pay attention who goes to the cotillions and so forth. In plenty of countries, they still practice arranged marriage. This is because emotional connection between men and women is inherently challenging. It's the single greatest problem in human history, and we've made no progress on solving it, but a lot of books have been written.

Even the matter of porn itself is a mixed bag, because there are a couple of ways that porn can benefit a relationship. Mainly, it helps a man visualize his fantasies, and if you can pull off that fantasy with the woman, you'll be satisfied, and she'll be happy that you're satisfied. It's legitimate to seek satisfying relations with your wife, but she may take some convincing.