This body is mine, and I want it back!

Hey everyone,

I have been contemplating about this for a while, and it is time to do this again. (I have succesfully abstained from porn before, so I know it is possible)

Let me start by giving you an introduction of how my whole addiction to pornography started. I was "introduced" to my very first video of porn at a very young age. At the age of 6-8ish, being he bright little kid I was, I decided to record the movie "Lassie", which was on tv way past my bedtime. When I played the video the day after, it appeared not to be about dogs at all. (even though, to be completely fair, there was most likely some doggystyle on the tape aswell )

After that first introduction, up until my late teenage years, pornography wasn't that hard to come by. From simply searching through my uncle's internet history to watching tv late at night, there was always some pornography to find. This simple little introduction led to my addiction when porn on the internet became more accessable in my late teens.

At first I didn't think it was bad. I watched it maybe once or twice a day. Sometimes I didn't even mind if I didn't watch it a few days. It was when I decided to stop that I noticed something was wrong. After doing some research and self-tests, I seemed I was addicted.

I had a few short relationships during which I didnt watch porn at all, but those where usually only for a few weeks up till a month. During that time the whole happy feeling of "being with a new crush" sort of took over the need to watch porn. It wasn't till I got into a long relationship a few years ago, that I noticed the need to watch porn again. Besides the porn there were a lot of problems in that relationship, so I decided to end it.

After that relationship I decided I wanted to be a better version of myself. Stopping porn was one of my goals. After quite a few relapses I finally succeeded!

So there I was, I had become an outgoing, confident, non-porn using version of myself. And I loved every minute of it. I masturbated once a week and put all the extra energy I gained into new hobbies and new ways of self-improvement. Especially the girls loved it! I maintained this spree for a pretty long time (I think it could even have been more than a year or so) But I will admit that I had a few relapses, most which occured during relationships.

My current relapse has gotten bad. I feel like I still have most of the self-improvements that I made deep inside of me, so I really need to stop watching porn now. I have a great girlfriend who often does these great cute things for me and I love her with all my heart. Therefor I want to give her and myself the better version of me that I used to be.

I have been there, and I know it is entirely possible to live without watching porn. Even though the thought scares me (I remember the feeling of my body craving for dopamine) I feel excited about doing this again. This body is mine, and I want it back!

I think this site is a great way to stay on course and I would love to help other... "fapstronauts" is what you call it? (great word, made me smile xD )

I will try to update my diary periodically. You can find it here: http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?1743-Discipline-s-Journey&p=8979#post8979

Yours truly,

Discipline

 

Thanks guys!

 

Thanks mate awesome no-PMO count you have there by the way!

 

Yes I do, but because I think it is rather private I prefer not to post it on these forums. I will send you a PM.

 

I decided to explain why I broke my 1-year streak of no-porn. I posted it in my journal.

http://www.nofap.org/forum/showthread.php?1743-Discipline-s-Journey&p=9795&posted=1#post9795

At first I didn't want to post about it because it's private, but I hope I can help people with it.