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Have you told others about your addiction? Bad experience

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Deleted Account, Aug 11, 2017.

  1. The guys I've told about my addiction (not from the forum or sa) have reacted good. Some don't understand but they have respect.

    I've told two woman, one left me and other has no respect.
    They don't even
    try to understand. I do not cheat or do bad things, I only Pmo. I am 2 months clean and I told her I have it difficult to quit, 0 respect.




    You guys got any good/bad experience telling someone?
     
  2. Infern0

    Infern0 Fapstronaut

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    I have told only 2 people, my therapist and my best female friend.

    Therapist is safe to tell, and best female friend is too and was surprisingly supportive.

    I wouldn't tell anybody i didn't trust to keep it a secret nor would i tell a potential intimate partner. Just because i can see how it could hurt their feelings or have a negative effect on them.

    That's also situational as i'm on this journey single, so it might have been different if i already had a partner i might have told them depending on if i thought they could handle it or not.
     
    Deleted Account and Dizzy Lotus like this.
  3. I dont know, I.... prefer to keep it to myself, heal and then live normally. Telling others might complicate things more . Bad experience might turn into some soft depression that ussualy leads into low confidence and so....PMO.
     
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  4. Infern0

    Infern0 Fapstronaut

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    tend to agree.

    It's not something the masses would understand.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. HealthyAbe

    HealthyAbe Fapstronaut

    The fact is nowadays a lot of people watch P and are addicted even if they will not put word on it.
    So saying someone is addicted might like saying inconvenient truth. That can be uncomfortable to hear.
    On the other hand, it is easier to say we fight a bad - almost universal - habit.
    I remember during a discussion with friends we spoke about P, I just said that I don't watch P, and as they know that I do my best to be an healthy man, they just reacted with a little bit of surprise, with a silence that meant "no P ? how could you live without ? is it possible ?"

    But told about addiction or fighting to your GF is far different. She shares intimacy with you, so she can feel very uncomfortable imagining you being excited by P/people you don't know the same way you are by her : it not helps her feeling 'special'.
    Maybe something like "I'm not like most of the guys because I think watch P is bad, I think addiction to P is bad and I fight against it" is better to hear for a lady.
    She must you're fighting for the good, whatever your history
    My two cents...
     
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  6. Halcyon88

    Halcyon88 Fapstronaut

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    I've told my partner because the one thing you need during this time is support; being a part of the NoFap community helps but having someone to talk to in the flesh is hugely important.

    He's been incredibly understanding and so I recommend speaking to someone you trust and respect :)
     
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  7. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    I've told my mother a while ago, but she didn't understand. I haven't discussed it with her since.
    The first person I ever told was my best female friend about 3 years ago... I only told her I was addicted, and that was it. We didn't discuss it or anything. But the reason I told her was that I had told myself "If I relapse again I'm going to tell her" so it was more like a consequence than a choice I wanted to make.
    Less than a year ago, I told my current best female friend, whom I refer to as L/M on this forum. She has been very supportive. She doesn't have experience with porn addiction herself, but she seems to be able to understand some of what I go through. When I'm in trouble, I often send her messages, which helps me get remotivated to stay away from relapse. [​IMG]
     
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  8. FlatlineFred

    FlatlineFred Fapstronaut

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    The problem about sharing your problems is - 90% of people don't care and the other 10% are glad you have them.

    I told my new GF. We have good communication and try to maintain a high level of emotional intelligence.

    No one else.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Dizzy Lotus

    Dizzy Lotus Fapstronaut

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    Huh. If you share it on YouTube perhaps, yes. [​IMG] But if you share things with separate people, or in a community, don't you think more people are caring?
    I mean, I don't share such things, but I have shared other problems with many more people than only my very best friends, and have gotten quite some support. [​IMG]
     
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  10. Infern0

    Infern0 Fapstronaut

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    I do see what you are saying.

    I have told a couple of friends i'm having a hard time recently (but wasn't specific) and their eyes just kind of glaze over and they don't really say anything.

    I guess the thing is, everyones dealing with their own shit on a certain level. Few people truly have time for others.
     
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  11. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    My SO told people.
    It was well received.
    Understood.
    He told some friends (men and women-no not necessarily couples) and his mom and of course me.
    Nobody has been negative or anything.
    He's a year plus PM free.
    I think how you do it, matters and what you say... Also your expectations.
    People want to know you aren't preaching to them and not asking them for life changes, just asking for respect in Your life choices.
     
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  12. SuperFan

    SuperFan Fapstronaut

    Personally, I think it's essential to tell a few people. You just have to be selective about who you tell. In the early stages, the only people I told were those who I already knew loved me unconditionally (my parents, my best friend since childhood, and a pastor who's always spoken into my life). As I've gotten more and more comfortable with myself, I've been able to let others in on it without worrying too much about how they'll react--I'm still selective about who I share it with, just not as selective.

    You have every right to keep it to yourself ... but the vast majority of addicts will find that it keeps them in their addiction. It prevents them from having true intimacy because they know they're hiding part of themselves from the most important people in their lives. The value of groups like SAA is being able to sit in a room with people who understand where you're coming from, and share your story. Sharing your story with other flesh-and-blood human beings is enormously powerful when it comes to reducing shame.

    I would never encourage anyone to tell "the masses", lol.
     
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  13. My family knows - they weren't all that happy when they found out.

    Also told 2 female friends and they reacted very different from each other.
    One nodded calmly and said, 'We all have our own demons to battle'.
    The other friend jaw dropped when I told her and I asked her if she was alright and she exclaimed, 'Well it's Pornography'!

    Told two male friends and they kept me accountable for a period of time but I don't think they truly understand what it's like to be addicted.

    Told my ex. She didn't know what to say since she had never come across anyone admitting it, she did some research on it and then she started to freak out because of how it can ruin relationships.
     
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  14. nofepfepforlife

    nofepfepforlife Fapstronaut

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    I came clean to my gf and I was amazed at how well she understood and supported me. I feel blessed.
     
  15. Might be best to only tell people from sa/saa or who you really trust.

    Saying it to strangers or people you just met isn't the best idea.

    Pmo addiction isn't widely received as alcohol or cocaine addiction.
     
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  16. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    I didn't tell anyone, ever. I can't tell my gf because she's the one responsible for my second PMO run, and I couldn't ever tell her as I'm still resentful for it (not as much for the reasons it made me relapse as for the relapse itself, actually). At the beginning of it, a few months ago, two of my friends (who do not know each other) have told me separately that they struggle with it, and I tried to give them advice on it : I told the first how I've been through this and that it's not worth it, that he has to quit, and told them both how bad I tought porn was. I didn't manage to open up completely though, arrogantly thinking that PMO was definitely over for me and that there was no need to get back extensively on this subject ; the irony was that I was still in the premises of my second fall, watching P occasionally as I couldn't handle my being an emotional mess. Little did I know that I would come to this board a few months later, spilling out my guts about what I thought would be just a phase.

    Anyways, that's the reason why I'm here. I feel I have no one to talk to, even my dearest friends. It became unbearable
     
  17. Marcus Aurelius

    Marcus Aurelius Fapstronaut

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    I haven't told anyone and have no real intention of telling any of the people who are currently in my life.

    I've often wondered if this is something you should tell your significant other about. Like, if you struggled with alcohol addiction in the past, I think that that is definitely something you should be honest about to a potential partner. So is PMO addiction different? Or should you be honest about that too? I can definitely see many women being less understanding about a PMO addiction than even a past alcohol addiction. I feel like it could ruin things.
     
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  18. petite_mort

    petite_mort Fapstronaut

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    There's a huge difference between past issues and current ones : in the latter you come off as the conqueror, the one who vanquished the addiction and managed to go past it all the way through ; whereas in the former you gather often misdirected compassion at best, or appear weak and create further boundaries between you and the others at worst.

    The other thing to ask yourself about is : is your significant other honest about these questions ?
     
  19. Exactly. Pmo is taboo
     
  20. Bagration1944

    Bagration1944 Fapstronaut

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    I told my ex-girlfriend. She dont understand and thought it was a physical disability and told me to go to the doctor. Then she left me.. :(
     
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