ElFrog, new here - taking on a 30 day challenge

Hi folks,

I'm new here, and though I've been aware of the site for a few months, and have been making progress in terms of abstinence and habit control without it, I think it is time to do things properly, and with help.

I'm 40, so internet porn only really came into my life towards the end of university, around 2003. Before that porn was magazines or comics... Sadly for me I got a bit of an extreme start, since my farther's porn comics were very S&M, though not the mags, and "extreme" and fetish have always been on my mind.

However in end 2003, after leaving Uni and after the end of a relationship that included a twins abortion, I spent 6 months at my parents house before going back to UK. There I had too much time on my hands, and discovered not only internet porn, but fetish sites and communities related to my various fetishes. Over the last 11 years the habit has come and gone, often dependent on my relationship status, but always been in the background. The end of a relationship in 2006 found me living alone, and freelance, and developing a strong fapping habit, with sometimes more than 5 hrs a day. In 2008 the recession made me nomadic for a while, as well as deeply depressed which rekindled many addictions, pot and alcohol amongst other drugs, but most of all porn.

In the last 5 years, I can say that porn addiction has severely hampered my career, not in any way ruining it but strongly limiting or interfering with my productivity. It had a lot of influence on the end of my last relationship, since I wasn't able to stop, and all the hiding and lying and shame, had an influence on our sex life, either avoidance if I had fapped too much, or the influence of more extreme porn induced fantasies affecting behaviour. Since I did not communicate about that we ended up not communicating about anything. Porn addiction for me has caused depression, shame, bolstered other addictions, caused social anxiety and avoidance (on and off) of women.

In the last six months, due in part to the requirements of my professional development, I have upped the exercise and meditation I was doing, made new friends and found more than one good community to be part of, and have successfully reduced my porn addiction and masturbation. I have however relapsed a few time, and not given up masturbation, and generally feel I am skating on thin ice. I have, when I have given up masturbation for 7 to 14 periods, felt energised and much less socially anxious, as well as far more popular with the ladies (I tend to be, but sabotage myself, often I wonder simply because it is easier to use porn than have relationships).

My goal here is to give up porn and masturbation (edging and orgasm) for 30 days. The first is most important, the second less so, but still part of the goal. I hope over time to normalise my fantasies. No intention to give up sex with ladies, since that does still occasionally occur, nor turn down a relationship since that could also happen. When I succeed, I wish to extend the giving up porn (permanently) and explore karezza, and Taoist and Yogic forms of sex and orgasm without ejaculation (google the multi-orgasmic man)with a partner and with masturbation solely as part of that training (pretty much sexual martial arts).

Those are long-term goals, for now I wish to give up porn and masturbation, and I hope, receive benefits in terms of both my career, and social and sex life. Wish me luck...

 

Yes... Thanks, good point