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10 years "Right Click Save" (My Story) (Re-sensitization help)

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by 10 years, Aug 9, 2014.

  1. 10 years

    10 years Fapstronaut

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    1st: "My Experience:

    So 90-95% of the time I "M" I had to explore the internet and "right click save" every "p" image.

    Then on top of it, it led to more tube websites, which then made things much worse in terms of collecting & seeing thing's that I would never approve of.

    It became addiction 8-9 years ago when I wanted to act on these fantasies but no girl would let me so I used what was in my mind as search terms.

    I've fought it tooth and nail over the past 4 years after turning 18.

    I slipped so many times the longest I went with "nofap" was 2 months but it led to a mental breakdown due to trying to fix my other problems (depression, phobias, body health, spirituality) all at the same time.

    Side note:
    I would avoid any contact with the world if I "PMO" in the same day they call or want to hang out, it brought that much shame because it's not me, and I don't enjoy "p".

    I had an endless collection but it was never enough, I deleted Gigs and Gigs of collections thinking it would stop my addiction but it just led slowly back into getting more.

    I knew at that point it had to stop once and for all, otherwise it killed all my productive time & ruined my sleeping patterns.

    2nd: Where I'm at now

    So I'm here now after only wanting certain types of "P" to get a "O" types that were sickening, (TS/SM) I became a jeckyl and Hyde. I was a different person when "Edging and M" so I knew it had to stop I regretted after every "O".
    Because I'm straight 100% and want to have a family one day.

    I want to become something in life and this is one thing that's severely holding me back due to the massive amount of hours collecting "P".

    So it's been so long since I browsed "P" in that way, what really got me to stop was first learning that an addiction is actually considered a disease.

    At first I thought it was uncureable and I guess I have to live with this, but I'll do my best to not do it so much.

    But then I learned more about the dopamine chemicals and reward chemicals.

    For example edging gives you a constant rush of dopamine therefore is what causes my picture saving habit.

    (Months ago to stop the "P" addiction itself, I decided to break this by not using the internet for "P" but just saving a couple pictures on my phone and using them, but deleting 1 everytime I "O".)

    I then realized how much I didn't understand is what hurt me.
    After watching Matt Cook on youtube, his presentation talked about what edging was and as mentioned the reward chemical addiction.
    Also getting back the sensitization.

    I've been able to stop for extended periods of time.
    Through willpower and laying out a roadmap of what the problems it caused and what things I could achieve if stopped.
    I also use a journal for personal thoughts and knowledge.

    My proccess so far is:

    Abstain for 30 days from all "P" and triggers.

    (I almost fell off the wagon after watching a music video a girl singer that's in a group)

    So now I stopped watching any kind of girls dancing or scantly dressed.

    Also I was using meetme because I felt I was ready to talk to women for dating being alone and past my staying pure beliefs.
    But it's hard to flirt with them due to the number of sex addicts on the website crowding around so it just made me angry to see that.

    Now i'm off the site and I know that "love is kind and patient" what i felt was anxiety "I need a girl just to lay with and talk to about life" but no girl seems to want that, they want a loving relationship to the max...

    Anyway back to my plan:

    - I stopped viewing any kind of triggers.
    - Get my sensitization back after 30 days.
    - If I go back to "M" it can only be if the urges are there & I can only act on a fantasy.
    - Very limited "M" unless I have a gf.
    - If I do have a gf only use "M" for fantasies about her
    - No more edging ever while "M"
    - Replace my reward chemicals "dopamine" with something rewarding instead of "P"
    (I do 30 pushups which represents my 30 days before playing my video game or watching my tv shows, so therefore it retrains my brains dopamine into something beneficial)
    - When I get the urges I stop whatever I'm doing and, get up turn computer off, & do something else.
    - It's important ONLY when you are feeling confident that you won't "M" to erase every trace of "P" you have including bookmarks and accounts.


    3rd: Hoping for happiness

    So if you got this far I appreciate it and I'd like to hear what you think.

    ANY advice is greatly needed at this point.

    Also on day 20-22 or so, I had a "wet dream" then followed up with "M" from one "P" image but did no edging.
    Does this kill my re-sensitization efforts?


    I'm also looking for a "reboot buddy"/ "Accountability partner" who may be going through the same things and is open minded and willing to discuss anything without judgement. Just encouragement to keep on the right track.

    I have no car no job and no money.
    Therefore I have to quit and get my self confidence back.
    It is a destructive habit that needs to be replaced with my old improving life habits.
    Besides I'll never ever get a proper relationship if I'm addicted to "p".


    EDIT:
    4th I just heard about Gabe Dean's story

    I know it's important to have inspirational figures to move forward in life.
    Hearing how he beat his addiction to "pmo" has changed my perception now.

    I've decided to give it up 100%.

    Because I know now I was going through the same withdrawl Gabe was and it means it is definitely a problem!

    Here is his video and his knowledge of what changed my perception to break the chains completely.

    Gabe Deans Road to Recovery

    (I recommend just listening to the audio in this video)
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRehA9C0ajQ#aid=P9vkUsVt4Tw
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2014
  2. createsmyownluck

    createsmyownluck Fapstronaut

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    Interesting post my friend, first of all, you have come to the right place. I can relate to your story in a lot of ways. But if you are a newcomer, I recommend viewing some of the posts of people who have been highly successful before you make your goals. Look up the stories of William and Gabe, who both successfully abstained from PMO for over a year. Personally, it depends where you are along the road to rebooting but I don't think it would be wise to have "M" in your goals. I struggled for months trying to stick to only "M" and relapsing after a while because I found it progressively difficult to fulfill my fantasies. Now that I have given it up completely I am having an easier time abstaining and working towards my goals. Good luck friend, looking forward to hearing how things go for you.
     
  3. 10 years

    10 years Fapstronaut

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    Okay, i'll take your advice and not use "M" especially because it could lead back to using "P". Good luck to you as well good sir.



    The first 20 days I didn't hear about nofap, I thought the only way to stop was through the paying kits on the net from "Brian reboot" & "Matt Cook" on youtube.

    I wasn't aware of this growing community which I'm now thankful is here and that people are willing to help.

    It's inspiring in a way and keeps me going. I'll definitely use my 'unfortunate but fortunate' search abilities to find what I'm looking for.

    But I'm mostly doing one thing at a time.
    First is the sensitization.
    & as I mentioned above here does anybody know
    If non-"PM" such as a "w-dreams" "O" affect the reboot of sensitization?
     
  4. perusan

    perusan Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the community. I think we have all been surprised that there is something like this when we first come to nofap. Followed by a feeling of relief and then excitement at the thought that there is an achievable solution to this. Well done on your progress and I salute the decisions you have made so far.

    From all the posts I have read here on wet dreams I believe people consider them a subconscious event that we have no ability to stop and no consciousness to experience. Therefore, it doesn't desensitise and doesn't warrant a reset of a counter. It can lead to a lot of confusion and anxiety though, in some people, because of the lack of control. Do a search on this site and read how it affects some people and the reassurances people have given.

    Your plan looks solid, especially as you have decided to drop the possibility of M. Remember, triggers may also be emotions as well as physical things. So times of tiredness, loneliness, boredom can all lead to triggers. See if you can identify particular high risk times of day and see if they correlate to particular feelings you have at that time of day. Making a change in your life that works on changing how you feel can often have a powerful affect.

    My only question is why do you believe "It's important ONLY when you are feeling confident that you won't "M" to erase every trace of "P" you have including bookmarks and accounts." Is this because you afraid of going near that part of your computer? I would suggest that the burden of having it on your computer outweighs the risk of submitting to it. If you need help in deleting it then I would follow these 4 things when you delete your P

    1. Do it standing up. Push the chair away and only then approach the computer.
    2. Don't go into the directory. Highlight the root directory and press delete.
    3. Once the delete process has started, leave the house. Or at least the room.
    4. When you come back, be prepared that it may have stopped halfway through to ask for delete permissions. Follow steps 1 to 3 until all are deleted.

    The collection represents your escapism into an artificial world that your addition controls. Your addiction uses it as evidence of what it believes you are. It uses it as a lure to get you to feed this mountain and thereby feeding your addiction. Your addiction uses it to justify all those hours you spent PMO. The collection is only for helping the addiction control you. Delete the collection and you remove some of that control. If you are truly committd to this path of recovery you will never need those images again. They will never be seen again because you will never NEED to see them. You will be getting on with life doing better things.

    Good luck and well done!
     

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