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Last Activity:: Apr 25, 2024 at 8:42 AM

Joined:: Apr 14, 2020

Messages:: 86

Likes Received:: 383

Trophy Points:: 53

Manage Groups:: 0

Following 9

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Followers 7

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Gender:: Male

Birthday:: Aug 21, 1996 (Age: 27)

Location:: Texas

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zilean

Fapstronaut, Male, 27, from Texas

Journaled last night, “why did I start recovery?” Good reminders. Onto a new day. Ty Jesus for being my sin offering that made me clean! Apr 25, 2024 at 8:33 AM

zilean was last seen:: Apr 25, 2024 at 8:42 AM

1. zilean
  successfully disengaged that temptation! Reading your own wise words in your journal really gives you a certain something
  
  Mar 30, 2021
  1. Ahmed_199, Mr. Crab and eagle rising like this.
2. Deleted Account
  How good are ya on league?
  
  Mar 28, 2021
  2. zilean
    I main support; at the mercy of the machine, i never made it out of silver
    
    Mar 28, 2021
  3. Deleted Account
    That's unfortunate to hear. bruv.
    
    Mar 28, 2021
3. zilean
  Church was awesome and refreshing & got to meet with and interact with people
  
  Mar 28, 2021
  1. IWantToBreakFree123 likes this.
4. zilean
  Getting ready to go to church. First time in a long time
  
  Mar 28, 2021
5. zilean
  who do you tell when you have gone beyond the "normal" rabbit trail? at this point, i think i need some counseling
  
  Mar 27, 2021
6. zilean
  Let's be done with this junk
  
  May 1, 2020
  1. DarkKnight85, Fenris the Dread Wolf, | Nico | and 3 others like this.
7. zilean
  I took a quick scroll in an adult toy section of an online store. Got out and set it down, no further action. Luckily no nudes or suggestion
  
  Apr 30, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, | Nico |, fg4795 and 3 others like this.
8. zilean
  Hey, completed day 6! Engaging with God’s word in the morning is really helping. Also, not starting the day with YouTube or news
  
  Apr 30, 2020
  1. Kane Savage, Deleted Account, Ὀρφεύς and 4 others like this.
9. zilean
  Feeling it's time for another media fast to get over day 6. Apartment hunting is anxiety inducing
  
  Apr 28, 2020
  1. fg4795, Fenris the Dread Wolf, | Nico | and 2 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Why don't you delete all this social media bullshit?
    
    Apr 29, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, fg4795, zilean and 3 others like this.
  3. zilean
    Ah, yes, I’m like media in the all inclusive sense of the word: YouTube, Netflix,internet. Just looking for an offline day.
    
    I’m only Facebook, and I keep it pretty tight on my friends list, I like my feed, no triggers. It’s the other sites that I gotta be careful
    
    Apr 29, 2020
    
    Fenris the Dread Wolf, fg4795 and Deleted Account like this.
10. zilean
  Pretty urging getting closer to bed. But I'd rather sleep than stay up to try something. Night!
  
  Apr 28, 2020
  1. | Nico |, Fenris the Dread Wolf, Deleted Account and 1 other person like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Be careful of night time bud. That's where it's the most complicated to deal with the urges, so keep your guard up!
    
    Apr 28, 2020
    
    | Nico | and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
  3. zilean
    Chose to go to sleep, not giving in. Slept well.
    
    Apr 28, 2020
    
    | Nico | and Deleted Account like this.
11. zilean
  Caught myself “surfin” testing to find a trap to step into. Not today satan! Gonna limit internet today for another detox. Find a book!
  
  Apr 27, 2020
  1. Symbol of Peace, | Nico |, fg4795 and 2 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Not today - Tiger uppercut!
    
    Apr 27, 2020
    
    Deleted Account likes this.
12. zilean
  Video editing an old project that I've delayed because anxiety. Hoping to finish it up today!
  
  Apr 26, 2020
  1. fg4795, IbrahimViking, Deleted Account and 4 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Don't say I hope. Say you will, because you can! Words are very powerful my friend. ;)
    
    Apr 26, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, zilean, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 2 others like this.
  3. zilean
    You right. Finished the first cut, got graphics, coloring, and rendering still to do
    
    Apr 26, 2020
    
    Fenris the Dread Wolf and Deleted Account like this.
13. zilean
  Had a reset, time for some guardrails for success. Check my journal
  
  Apr 23, 2020
  1. Symbol of Peace, Leashed4good, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 3 others like this.
  2. zilean
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/finding-the-living-water.273566/#post-2513543
    
    Apr 23, 2020
    
    Symbol of Peace, Leashed4good, Fenris the Dread Wolf and 3 others like this.
14. zilean
  feeling sharp this morning, well rested. Got the courage to go for a walk this morning for 30+ mins listening to a reading of Acts 19-23
  
  Apr 22, 2020
  1. fg4795, | Nico |, Deleted Account and 2 others like this.
  2. Deleted Account
    Great morning routine man, keep it up! :)
    
    Apr 22, 2020
    
    Coffee Candy, Fenris the Dread Wolf, fg4795 and 1 other person like this.
15. zilean
  Crawled across the finish line. Woke up bad, BIG urge in afternoon, napped 3 hrs. Woke a different person, very calmed and collected
  
  Apr 21, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, Deleted Account, !!Ranger!! and 1 other person like this.
16. zilean
  Checkout my feedback post about journal shortcuts links! What do y'all think?
  
  Apr 20, 2020
  1. | Nico |, Deleted Account and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
  2. zilean
    https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/add-journal-links-to-user-modals-menu-avatar-pop-up.274216/#post-2509570
    
    Apr 20, 2020
    
    | Nico |, Deleted Account and Fenris the Dread Wolf like this.
17. zilean
  Resting in the victories of today, strengthening me for the battles tomorrow!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. Fenris the Dread Wolf, !!Ranger!!, eevahnits and 6 others like this.
18. zilean
  had an urge, chose to wash dishes and see how I felt after. Feeling not the urge anymore. Going to play destiny!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. eevahnits, Deleted Account, !!Ranger!! and 4 others like this.
  2. Mr. Crab
    It is your DESTINY
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico |, zilean and 2 others like this.
  3. !!Ranger!!
    Super
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico | and Mr. Crab like this.
  4. zilean
    Good one @Mr. Crab !
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Deleted Account, | Nico | and Mr. Crab like this.
19. zilean
  Ready for this day 2! Setting my sights to get to my first 7!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, | Nico | and 4 others like this.
  2. BigBadWolf_27
    Congratulations! You will achieve this. Focus on each single day. One step at a time.
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, zilean and 4 others like this.
  3. zilean
    It's rainy outside, so i'll be filling time with some indoor push ups and Yoga to activate my muscles
    
    Apr 19, 2020
    
    Leashed4good, !!Ranger!!, | Nico | and 1 other person like this.
20. zilean
  Staying offline this morning allowed me to set the pace of the day. Feeling mellow. & clean!
  
  Apr 19, 2020
  1. eevahnits, | Nico |, Deleted Account and 2 others like this.
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About

Gender:

Male

Birthday:

Aug 21, 1996 (Age: 27)

Location:

Texas

Journal Thread Link:

View my Journal

It began in 5th or 6th grade, about age 11-12 and has followed me many many years till now at age 25.

I grew up in a Christian home without father, who left before i was born. I found the Lord at a young age at 6 and committed my life to Christ, and loved to follow him.

Once this shackle attached itself to me, I was truly serving two masters. I desired all my life to be freed from this hinderance. I faithfully continue walking with the Lord to this day, but the reality of what that means only began to start hitting.

Self Control. I have thought that I had been exhibiting this fruit of the spirit, i was easily angered as a kid when an injustice was done to me in a game, but grew out of that stage. But it has been in these past couple of years that I realized that I lack self-control in denying my self the temporal pleasures of PMO and choosing life that can be had abundantly.

For a while I was focused on modifying my behavior while neglecting the heart and reason for these things. My anxiety to engage with girls after being told not to have a girlfriend till I graduate college. My longing to be in an intitmate relationship with another while my friends all began to move that direction (as much a middle schooler could do). Wishing I could just be held by someone.

And so, I begin my documented NoFap Journey on April 14, 2020 to have daily checkins and just have a place to write out what I have been feeling and the healing that can come.
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