Separate names with a comma.
Day 11 - work really dragged today. Peaceful evening. Not a lot of urges, yet the temptation to edge or M lingers hauntingly in my mind . .
Day 10 - some anxiety, but not terribly triggered today. Not yet, anyway . . .
Day 9 - triggered again by sex w/ gf. She initiated a position that I could not do (maybe previous bf's could) due to p*nis size. Must not M
Hmm . . . I think it might be more like my addict mind is trolling my soul and my gf might be getting caught in the crossfire, poor girl.
Day 8 - Didn't M. Had O w/ gf . . . too quickly. Triggered by (and triggering) "dark fantasies". Slept poorly, very poorly. Feel broken.
Day 7 - Urges! Still debating whether I should M. Seeing gf tonight. Don't want to not have desire, don't want to use her to get off.
Day 6 - 12h 32 m work day. No sugar. Headache since noon. Feel physically ill, depleted. Sleep now & do it again. Tempted to M and "unwind"
Day 6 - thought I might CHOOSE to M last night . . Wasn't feeling it, tho. 12+ hour workday ahead. Cutting back on sugar and caffeine today.
Day 5 - still frustrated and pissed off about the shirts (though I got them washed today) and occasionally hit with strong urges to M.
I had plans to wash my shirts (they only gave me three) on day 3. Now I will either have to miss my recovery meeting on day 2 (or...
Day 4 - My work is making me stay late on day 3 of 5 when I only have 3 shirts (no time for laundry!). So frustrated. Must not M over this.
LTR = Long Term Relationship :)
@Tryin' Hard - thank you for the support and reminding me that we are all trying hard!
I always get stuck on the question - did I try hard...
@Coffee Candy - well said!! What I really want is healthy sexuality, a successful LTR and freedom from sexual obsession.
My "slip" was fuelled by...
@Coffee Candy - it's only the second O that I've had this year (outside of sex, 1 wet dream) and it's a far cry from my old behaviour of daily...
@Coffee Candy - It's confusing. I wish it was more clear.
I had anxiety. No sexual thoughts in that moment. Started moving my legs in a way that...
St Augustine needed Grace as well.
We can all learn so much from him, patron saint of sex addicts . . .
Day 2 - contemplating whether I should call that last slip a relapse. How different is it from O during sex? Haven't JO'd or PMO'd in ages.
Day 1 - Had an O y'day doing crunches, felt so defeated. Deep sense of failure. Karezza w/ my gf that night - so healing!! Feeling good now.
Day 0 - Relapsed. Guess it was bound to happen. Feeling empty and sad. A bit hopeless. But trying to see the silver lining . . .