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Sorry bro, but you're simply wallowing in self-pity and whining. I understand that you must have gone through a lot of pain judging by your post....
Is there someone in your close environment you can talk to about this? A friend, a sibling? I know this may be a bit of a stupid question...
Today I am grateful for the life I have, despite my failures. I am glad that I can accept my mistakes and learn from them, while moving on and...