ᎾᎦᏔᎲᎾ ᏄᎾᏓᏅᏛᎾ

Spot on. That was me for the last 25 years. Except for the not jerking off part, that started up again about 15 years ago.

 

I'm beginning to understand, I hope, just how true this is. Strangely, accepting this almost feels like a relief.

I'm pretty sure my brain was already broken in other ways before I started in on what became my addiction. What a mess.

 

Do you have adhd? Depression? Those can lead to addiction, and then it’s a constant circle/cycle making it very difficult to overcome the addiction of the other things are not treated or diagnosed.

 

I've been diagnosed with both ADHD and depression. I don't think I've been receiving the most effective treatment though. My goals for the next two weeks include being re-diagnosed and having my medications reviewed. I'll also be working with a therapist again (after 8 years of no therapy, the therapy did have was terrible. I didn't know it at the time, but in retrospect it's clear that that my therapist either didn't know what he was doing, or didn't care)

 

Lol-I went through 3 therapist before I found one that could actually help., my husband had a great therapist that helped him with his depression and “ thought” he might have adhd. But couldn’t help at all with his addiction. Then we found a group of csats who did brain scans and diagnosed him with adhd. He has a great counselor now and has treated both the depression and adhd.

 

Glad to hear that you found someone who could help.

 

You mean we have addicts who act like addicts?

Color me shocked.

Yeah I remember. There did used to be better people around, more high quality content. I've never run afoul of the mods, though. I do see a lot, and I do mean a lot, of "Deleted Account" though.

I don't post as much because I get tired of saying the same things over and over again. Get invested in a guy, and then they leave. C'est la vie. Offer the information, don't worry if they accept it or not. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him stop touching himself at night.

Quoted for truth. This is what it comes down to, cats and kittens. Most guys come through here not realizing it's their brains and not knowing how to fix it or wanting to push through the necessary suffering to fix it. But as an addict I'd be remiss if I failed to mention; quitting is more painful than SOs usually credit. On multiple levels. I'm not getting into Oppression Olympics here, I'm not saying who is suffering more or who deserves what. I'm just saying, from the SO perspective it's laughably easy, because they don't feel what an addict feels. There's accounts here, though, a lot of them, where the last post is a warning of suicide. It's not like addiction is pleasant for the addicted.

If it were easy everyone would be successful.

Censorship has got to be the dumbest thing. The only time I reported a post was when it was actual porn. I haven't reported misogyny or racism, I haven't reported trolls, I haven't reported people who say things I don't like. I have run into a lot of stuff I don't like. But I haven't reported it. Because I'm an adult and I know my hurt feelings do not constitute an emergency.

If there are any individuals out there reporting others because they said mean things to you, even if you feel, even if you know it wasn't true... do yourself a favor and grow a pair. People are going to be mean. Your silencing them through artificial power is not going to stop it. Instead of making your space more "safe," consider making yourself more resilient.

 

Meh. I think it's pretty foolish to accept people on an anonymous forum as "experts".
Some people on here do seem to me to genuinely want to help others. There are also many who seem to have agendas and extreme bias which makes me very wary of their opinions.
My general policy while browsing the forums is...

 

@happenstance , I’ll miss you. Some of your no-nonsense posts have really helped me.

And yes, 5 years here and this place ain’t like it used to be.

 

Yeah, but it’s relatively easy to recognize the ones who know their stuff.

 

In retrospect, maybe I should wait to have the re-diagnosis done until after a 90 day reboot. Any thoughts on this?

 

Except that many have intense anxiety over their use and inability to stop but never thought it was an addiction. Neither my husband nor I ever considered it an addiction. My husband is an expert in drug recognization /addiction and it never occurred to him that porn could be addictive or that he was an addict. Not until I stumbled across something on Facebook and a light bulb went off. He’s been working recovery for 4 years. Maybe you’re not an addict, but having lived with my husband for 30 plus years, I know he is. The difference In him, his personality, is like living with a drug addict when he uses. The swings in personality, the selfishness, the isolation, the self absorbed focus on his next fix. Larger scientific community? They don’t have a clue. They don’t even think pied is a thing, lol. It most definitely is.

 

For me it has been the opposite, it has saved me.

I admire and respect the mods and am forever grateful to all the hard work they put in. One of the rules is

I do not know the context in which you used the word "asinine", but, knowing the definition, it could easily be used as an insult.

And we have addicts here (like myself) who recognise the hurt we have caused, recognise the mountain of ongoing work we need to do to stay sober, and accept advice humbly from all corners. At least I hope I do all of those things, they are part of my goal here.

Me too, I joined in October 2016.

I can bear truth. I find pontificating tricky. Several self-proclaimed experts who have now left really annoyed me. Hopefully they are not the folk you are thinking of.

That has not been my experience.

I don't like this focus on brain science. My catalyst was saving my marriage, but I realised that it was my psyche that needed work. I needed (and need) real constant work to be the version of 'me' I had always hoped I might become.

I hope you change your mind about this. In amongst the anger your posts have contained some real nuggets of wisdom—motivational actionable wisdom. I hope you find a way to channel that into rule-abiding posts.

I wonder about this. Is it the quality of the content that has changed, or me that has changed? When I first came here I was thirsty for any advice, now I know what works for me and what doesn't and so I need much subtler support, encouragement, advice, and challenge. That's because I have changed.

 

My husband had Ed for our entire marriage. He was 23 when we married. He got pied at 45 when his addiction escalated, he had it for 5 years. This. This is where science and the medical community is failing miserably. He has been working recovery for 4 years. At 4-6 months he no longer had pied, but he began to have pe( something he’s never in 28 years had) after about a month pe was gone. Now 4 years later he is always rock freaking hard! Except if he goes back to using( he’s had one relapse) then once again pied will hit. As is obvious on this forum many people slip/relapse. You may not believe in addiction, I know I never thought it could be. That’s fine, do what works for you. Treating it and getting help for it has helped my husband. Immensely. You’re also right that just because you do something again any again doesn’t make it an addiction. And it drives me crazy when people say everyone is addicted to something and point out caffeine or sugar. People can be dependent on caffeine without being addicted. There is enough brain science that supports the changes in the brain to show addiction is different. If you are using the excuse that you’re an addict to remain in active addiction , then you don’t really want to quit.

 

Not every addict is like you want them to be. Nobody is here to please 1 single person. Were in different journeys. Some of us have struggled for more years than being alive. Yes. Moderators can not be on top of everything here. But you have responsibility as well to block or ingonored the people you dislike on this forum. Self accountability is very important as well. Just my opinion.