“Freelapse”

In the world of recovery the phenomena of vividly dreaming about your Drug Of Choice [in this case porn, masterbation, and orgasm] is called a Freelapse.

And I experienced one this fort night.

I’m 26 in Washington and have been without pmo for at least one week.

Not only only did I subject myself to pmo in my dream, but I also had sex and experienced rejection by my s/o.

A very accurate and detailed dream. Side note- I dream of pornography often.

Always any length of time without real life pmo produces these dreams. It’s funny that I dream of graphic and almost other-worldly porn than I do having actual sex with someone.
Although I had very real feeling sex in my dream, they always come together. Porn and sex. Duh! I mean makes sense right?

I’ve got that familiar desire in my loins and a buildup there if you know what I mean.
Usually this would be the time that I masterbate.
My s/o is pregnant with our 7 month growing baby boy. He’s huge! He kicks so hard. Btw, have you ever put your ear to a pregnant tummy? So much noise! I swear I can hear the swoosh of placental fluid when he moves!
Crazy.

And crazy is exactly what it would be if I choose to masterbate or have an orgasm out of line.
For me to pmo is bad. It puts my relationship in danger. We are very strong and have been through a lot. But to willing subject my lady, son and self to my detached assolian self is err.
It distances myself and somehow turns me into a sour puss.
This version of me that doesn’t rock his socks off near every day is better than the one that beats off in the bathroom.
Yo fruck doing that.

The rejection I experienced in the dream was false. Some made up situation. Unreal.

I literally woke up having to pee with my lovely lady lover Jasmine sleeping soundly facing me, my precious cat Mya cuddled right beside me, her litter sister Annie nested on the other side, even this little shitzu literally named Lady sleeping at the foot of the bed. My in-law sleeping in the other room.

What kind of b.s. is my brain trying to pull? My relationships are pretty solid these days. I don’t fight and bicker and banter over b.s. these days. I am so present for my family. I work extra hard for my loved ones. It shows and I am respected and loved.
That’s real life. Also I am beautiful and in shape and let me tell you man my 21 year old bride being 7 mos pregnant is so sexy. She’s my life.

Alright people thanks so much for letting me share.