“Looking to change”

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by lookingtochange, Dec 25, 2017.

  1. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    I guess I’m new here to NoFap even though I have used one or two similar sites for a while such as Your Brain Rebalanced. However, recently YBR has gotten rid of their counter and for me I found that incredibly helpful. In the past I have also found posting and expressing my thoughts and feelings to be helpful as well.

    Anyways, my story is pretty short. I’ve been an addict for over six years despite being with my second gf over that time period. She knows a little bit of my problems with PMO but not that I’m constantly trying to stop it nor does she know that I use forums to help me stop my addiction either. I feel so bad for her that I have this problem. I feel that she deserves better than to be with someone addicted to PMO.

    I guess my first motive to stop was religious but as I have become less religious I really wanted to stop because I thought it would prevent me from having a girlfriend or being a good boyfriend. But ultimately what I’ve been realizing is just how good I feel in general when I can stay away from PMO and how crappy I feel in general when I relapse or PMO frequently.

    It’s been a long road and I’m generally an optimistic person so I don’t want to get down on myself but having struggled for over six years and never getting past 60 days, I really am “looking to change.”
     
  2. Hey,

    Welcome to NoFap!

    L
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  3. One of the ways I got involved with the fellowship was by reading some really great journals.

    Once you open a journal, click "Watch Thread" in the upper right of the page to get alerts when new posts are made. Here are just a few:

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    @Visor Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144228/
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    @I_can_and_I_will Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/138959/
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    @weddingnails Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143418/
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    @MLMVSS Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/142945/
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    @Struggle Bug Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/141911/
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    @BigDawg913 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/145872/
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    @Sunshadow Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/75108/
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    @kropo82 Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/78164/
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    @tet2vd Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/144513
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    @Protagoras Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/109842/
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    @Tomoya Okazaki Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143534/
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    @DavidGibson Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/143325/
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    @Euklid Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/146663/
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    @BreatheDeeply Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/139097/
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    @LiquidShoes Journals at: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/134044/
    ---

    There are many more, and you can discover them on your own. But, these are great places to start.

    This is a work in progress. So, if a journal has changed or is no longer active, look around there are some amazing journals on here.

    L
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  4. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  5. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Hi
    I am glad to see you made the decision to quit porn.
    I think that's a great idea!
    I wish you good luck during your reboot!
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  6. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hey Stop the Music,

    Thanks for the reading material. It's great to see people like you that have been so successful. That gives me hope that one day I can finally beat this addiction. This addiction is a bitch, but in the past I do remember journals helping greatly, even when I am just reading others' so thank you.
     
  7. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hi D.J., thanks for posting. My current strategies have been social activity and exercise. However, I haven't had a lot of social time, other than just hanging with my girlfriend. Now that it's gotten colder, I haven't run as much, but I do see the value of exercise.

    I sometimes wish that I could "test myself" by putting myself in situations where I'm not with friends or at work or with my girlfriend because I have this feeling that if I make it far but was never in situation where I've "tested" myself, I will easily give in. I really don't know, I feel like sometimes I just think too much about this addiction.

    Right now I have so much motivation to beat this addiction and I wish I could with this motivation alone, but I know it gets tougher and I just have to take it one day at a time which sucks to remind myself right now.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  8. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hey Roady, thanks for the support. I'm glad to see that you're doing very well. It's really great and inspring to see others doing well and I wish you continued success!

    What have you found to be important in your reboot?
     
  9. I'm a double winner. In both NoFap and Alcoholics Anonymous (my last drink 2/16/1996).

    It's been a few 24 hours since my last drink and I'm still a drunk. You can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber.

    Now, the AA program is different, I admit. Even though I take my AA program ODAT (one day at a time), it doesn't mean I don't think about tomorrow. I say, I didn't have a drink today and I don't plan on having a drink tomorrow. As of last Feb. that was 21 years.

    I'm powerless over alcohol. Let me explain. I do have control over the first drink. I use my Higher Power, my AA program and the AA fellowship to avoid that first drink. Because I know that after that first drink, they didn't make enough alcohol to keep me going. I don't want "a drink", I want to get drunk.

    Now, NoFap is a bit different. While AA's goal is never to drink again (ODAT), NoFap's goal is to return to a Healthy Sex Life and is a secular Sex Positive program. OK, one day I want to have a healthy sex life as a result of the NoFap program.

    What the two programs have in common is this: AA = No Alcohol and a Healthy life. NoFap = No Porn and a Healthy Sex Life.

    I feel that this statement works for me in NoFap. I'm powerless over that first porn image or vid because after that I want them all and there is no end to the Internet. So, the only porn I have to avoid is the first image or vid. I did not pmo today and I don't plan on pmo tomorrow.

    HTH,

    - L
     
    TheLoneWoolf likes this.
  10. Former_CD

    Former_CD Fapstronaut

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  11. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Hi @lookingtochange
    thanks for your nice words. I wrote a post in my journal where I describe how I grew out of my addiction. It's here.
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  12. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hi Stop The Music. Your post is very inspirational and that approach of avoiding that first image is so important. I've really been struggling a lot, but I think I need to change my approach. Lately I've struggled a lot because I think I haven't tried to block out images. I've been on Facebook or watching videos with friends that I can't think of anything but PMO. It's always on my mind and I relapsed today almost entirely because I just wanted to get it off my mind.

    Like you said, I also feel powerless over my addiction and it's so impressive that you are a "double winner" by using the same approach. I really wanted to avoid relapsing because I will see my girlfriend tomorrow but I just couldn't. However, hopefully using a new approach, I can do this.

    I love your approach: no pmo today and no pmo tomorrow. Very simple and not overwhelming. I will try this and look for better results. Thanks so much for your post.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hi 2525, I will start with a 7 day challenge!
     
    2525 likes this.
  14. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hi Roady, I will take a look at your journal right now!
     
    Roady likes this.
  15. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Along your journey, there will be many times when you are not with anyone. The key is to prepare strategies for those times before they occur. Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips which may help you along your journey.
     
    lookingtochange likes this.
  16. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Hey D. J., thanks for the reading material. I will definitely take a look at that. I think I've been doing a better job avoiding those times alone but right now I feel confident that I would not slip. I've been using a mentality lately of avoiding any thoughts possible and it's been working great so far. But still need to take it one day at a time.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  17. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Can't believe I've made it to seven days. After a pretty horrible winter break that saw me relapsing a bunch, I believe I'm finally back on track. I've been using a strategy I heard from Stop the Music, which is avoiding that first image and no PMO today, no PMO tomorrow. Before I had such a mentality where it was like I was just trying to quit PMO because I thought it was something I should do. Now, I feel different. I feel like this is something I want to do. I don't try to look at girls or pictures and go as far as I can without using PMO. I'm simply avoiding "the first image." That strategy is so simple but still it's been working.

    I started a seven day challenge here, but despite not having the time to keep up with it everyday, I continued my plan and here I am finished with seven days.

    To keep up my progress I need to keep the same approach: avoiding "the first image" and also no PMO today, no PMO tomorrow: roughly one day at a time. I would also like to add exercise into the mix, and keeping up with sleep and socializing when I can.

    After struggling the last month or two pretty bad, I already feel the benefits of a PMO-free life, even though it's only been a week. I hope I do not forgot the contrast between what I used to feel like and how I feel now. I believe another reason for my recent boost was spending time with my girlfriend. It was nice to spend time with her and I'm glad that I still feel good despite being long-distance again. Hopefully that will keep up for a little while as well.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  18. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Been a while since I've posted, but I'm happy to say I'm still on an active streak! Even though I've been busy and haven't been able to post and read posts as often as I'd like to, I've made some real progress and learned a lot.

    I've continued with my mentality of just don't think about it because I'm an addict so I need to avoid that first picture. I've done completely away with my previous attitude of let's see how far I can go without doing PMO. I'm glad I've made that change.

    Secondly, I've seen the importance of exercise and socializing. My girlfriend is super important to me and I have no worries in life when I'm with her and things are going well. But when I'm by myself for a few days, it is much more challenging. I'm glad I've realized this because this will help me find things to do by myself that aren't PMO.

    Lastly the last thing I've realized is that I don't have a "perfect life" and I'd been often using PMO as an outlet for stress. I've noticed frustrations with family or friends or work and I've noticed a more emotional side to me because I think before I didn't like to feel any emotions (either positive or negative) and I would numb those emotions away with PMO. The hard part is going to be finding ways to deal with these frustrations without turning to PMO. I've been okay so far, but I really want to keep up with exercising and socializing as much as I can.

    Can't believe I'm on my 17th day already. Just feels like yesterday I was beginning my new approach. Once again, no PMO today and no PMO tomorrow.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  19. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Again been incredibly busy and haven't had time to post, but I have been following the techniques given to me, many given to me right here in this post. I am so incredibly grateful to everyone here that has helped me on this path. I don't whatsoever want to get ahead of myself by saying things like "this time I think I can do it!"

    Everyday is a challenge. Sometimes it's hard as shit. But at least I know that I'm fighting for something that's worth fighting for. It's unbelievable to think I've made it through 27 days now. I don't want to talk about how well I've done in the past because all I need to do is think about today and tomorrow. No PMO today, no PMO tomorrow. If I keep that approach, try to exercise, try to socialize, try to get enough sleep, try to de-stress from activities, and do my job well, this won't be as hard as it could be. Again I'm so grateful to everyone that has helped me. I hope that this week I can come back and exchange more comments with everyone that has helped me, and not just post about myself.
     
    D . J . likes this.
  20. lookingtochange

    lookingtochange Fapstronaut

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    Been a while since I posted and maybe that's why I had trouble today. I relapsed after 43 days. Unlike a normal relapse, I feel okay about this. I think that's because this is the furthest I've ever gotten. I got away from my approach of no PMO today, no PMO tomorrow. I started thinking about it a lot, and I couldn't get it out of my head. Worse, I didn't even want to get it out of my head. I started to lose motivation and that's why I think I gave up the battle. I'm a little sad, but not depressed. I think if I take up my last strategy of avoiding that first image and start posting here again more often, I'll be okay. I have a ton of thoughts to post but I'm just going to stick to this. When I'm not so tired or busy with work, I'll post back and talk with some people here. I just wish I wasn't tired nor busy.
     

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