“Sexual incompatibility” is ruining my self esteem and my future outlook on life

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by antakis, Dec 25, 2019.

  1. antakis

    antakis New Fapstronaut

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    So ill keep it short. I was really in love with this one girl. We been together for almost half a year and we were doing long distance all of this time.
    Up until we met i was a virgin and shes been in a long term relationship before.
    So the night we had sex i realized i have PIED, i was super nervous and couldnt relax, i couldnt get it 100% hard and the condom just killed all the sensation. I started going soft halfway through and we both just got exhausted and none of us could come. The second night pretty much the same thing happened and she got upset. Soon after she told me that our sex life is bad and she couldnt feel me that much inside her and that were not sexually compatible, which shattered my confidence into a pieces and haunts me till now (almost two months later). She broke up with me soon after and even tho she gave different reasons why i feel like it was one of the them. Im about 6 inches long and pretty skinny in girth, im really devastating about what happened. Im afraid of this happening in my future relationships and it really kills my confidence. I cant get this out of my head and i dont know what to do or think to boost my confidence again.
     
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  2. marr708

    marr708 Fapstronaut
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    I think the words "super nervous" are the key to your problem. Harnessing fear and nerves takes practice, determination and a caring SO.
    A similar thing happened to me years ago, but the solution is the same.
    I was so smitten by this girl in college. I couldn't even believe she was dating me. She was so hot and way above my league. She held me at bay for several weeks. Then one night she decided to give me a "shot at the title." I was so nervous [trigger warning!!] I PE'd all over her while she still had her underwear on. She just looked at me like freak. I tried to rally but the damage was done. She cut me loose with a bunch of excuses about us being incompatible and destroyed my confidence. After that I couldn't get that image and failure out of my head. I would embarrassingly PE with every woman I tried to be intimate with. It wasn't until I found a kind, loving compassionate girlfriend who worked with me to resolve my issue. My cure resulted from being relaxed and feeling no pressure to perform. It also helped to concentrate on the person and moment, leaving all porn images behind. I hope this helps. Best of luck!
     
  3. Capt. U

    Capt. U Fapstronaut

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    Don't worry bro once you find a someone who is more compassionate with you and you are honest about your situation then she will be very patient and help you over come that problem. For me if I relapse I notice that it is almost impossible for me to climax during sex after a few days. But if I go weeks without relapsing climaxing comes much more naturally. Good luck man!
     
  4. Booksandtrees

    Booksandtrees Fapstronaut

    Sorry to hear your experience. Trigger warning:

    I remember I was making out with this girl and she pushed me over and pulled my pants down and just tried to give me oral sex. I was shocked by it and couldn't get hard. She tried everything and I was so embarrassed. I tried thinking of porn and it didn't work. The next day I talked to her. We made out longer and it was more sensual. I had no issue with maintaining an erection after that.
     
  5. Makes me want to wait until marriage, almost. Any girl who breaks up with a guy because of "sexual incompatibility" just sounds full of shit. I mean, maybe for some people, sexual compatibility is a really important part of being in a relationship together because, well, nature. But considering what I've seen and heard from dealing with people in regards to dating and sex, it's just more shallow bullshit.
     
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  6. elitsing

    elitsing Fapstronaut

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    Somewhat, yes it is shallow and not the most important. You want to be compatible in other ways and biologically as well. Usually if you are compatible in other ways you should be able to make sex work together. A satisfying sex life is usually pretty important in a marriage and lack of it for one spouse or both can lead to other problems in a marriage

    Doesn't mean sex is necessary before marriage. Or that anyone should break up soly to not great sex the first time. A lot of sexual issues can be resolved and worked through with time to ensure each partner is satisfied
     
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