♛ DRE'S GUIDE TO A SUCCESSFUL REBOOT ♛

♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛INTRO♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛

WHO I AM

Greetings fellow Fapstronauts!

My name is Dre, I'm 24, and I have been working on overcoming my porn/masturbation addiction for about 6 months. When I found about the challenge through a friend I became excited to try out. I didn't know I was an addict back then. Miraculously, I made it to 7 days on my first attempt and was bewildered by all the amazing super powers I started getting. I started getting more focused and creative, deeper voice, more confidence talking to girls, and the tiredness/lethargy I had for years was gone! I realized then that I was living for years dampened. I made a decision to do the reboot and then quit PM for good.

MY STORY

But as many of you probably experienced, quitting and doing the reboot is more difficult that it first seems. For the next 3-4 months I became increasingly frustrated. I discovered that I am an addict to porn and masturbation. I tried so many things: I went to NoFap everyday, watched videos on YouTube, had accountability partners, etc. But none of it helped. The same thing would happen repeatedly.

First I would PMO, and emerge frustrated. I would swear to myself that it was the last time, that I was absolutely done with this stupid addiction. I would make grand plans for change, write out strategies. I would be absolutely determined to do better. Then a few days would pass and the sexual urges would start coming up like the the biggest tidal waves at me. I would resist and avoid as much as I could. I would blast push ups til fail, hopelessly smash the emergency button on NoFap, go for runs etc BUT NONE OF IT HELPED! Eventually the addiction would break me down and I would end up with a napkin in my hand in front of a computer screen wondering how I let it happen--again. I would feel defeated, broken down, and ashamed.



Then I would make up my mind to do better, try harder and the whole cycle would start again. The addiction would always end up with the upper hand and it would break me down. It was very demoralizing. I knew the benefits, I knew I had to quit for a better life and a better myself but quite frankly I didn't have the tools to deal with such powerful monster that is so firmly ingrained into my brain chemistry.

I spun in this cycle for months. It was a frustrating experience and I was very close to simply quitting, admitting that I can't change, admitting that this addiction is bigger than me and just living defeated. Ughh I'm glad I didn't. I met people on NoFap that experienced a similar path. It's sucky to admit, but for every success story we see in the success thread, there are countless unheard stories of defeat. It's sad, but this is a powerful addiction and fighting it is no joke.

FOREWORD

But cheer up my friends because not all is lost. Recovery is possible and I'm a living testament to that. I did one thing that helped me. After every relapse I asked myself what I could have done better, I studied my triggers, I read articles about addictions, I watched videos, all the while taking notes. After about 5 months of doing it I finally was able to emerge slightly with my head above the water. I'm currently at 47 of no PM and I feel very confident I can go on and finish my reboot and go on living my life free of this monstrous addiction.

While I feel very confident about my state of affairs, I do not believe my path had to be so rocky. It sure as heck would have been a lot easier if I didn't have to discover the recovery process on my own. It would have been a ton easier if I had a guide or someone to help me. I was one of those guys posting on the forum about needing help and not knowing what to do.

I don't want what happened to me happen to others. Recovery can be an amazing empowering experience. It is totally possible but it takes more than willpower. There is no need to re invent the wheel. I created this guide for anyone who is wanting to quit their unwanted sexual behaviors but is unable, feeling stuck and overpowered. I hope it will be of use to both to newcomers and more seasoned members. Learning and working with each other is one of the greatest tools we have to overcome this addiction.



I will post this guide in parts as messages/modules. Please feel free to ask questions or PM me if something is unclear.

 

Endre123, I think the NoFAp is a great program and a resource if you're looking to quit porn for good. I haven't personally done it but I've heard good things about it from other members on the forum. Also, as far as I know there is no research that indicates that no fapping is bad for your health. One might argue for it even because engaging in PM often contributes to negative outcomes in people's lives (like developing sexual disorders, feelings of shame/frustration, having trouble connecting with their partners etc). Ultimately you have to decide for yourself if it's good or bad for you and then act accordingly.

Surfing Poet, I know what you mean! Having accountability partners can be a very VERY useful tool but it would only help in conjunction with other tools. Human connection over a shared problem/goal can be a powerful enhancer to recovery but it is by no means the only thing that makes recovery possible.

 

♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛PART 1: ESTABLISHING A HEALTHY ATTITUDE TOWARD A REBOOT♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛

How much time should it take to successfully reboot? It is possible to do on the first try? After years of trying, is too late for change?


These are all important questions to answer before starting the journey. An important thing to keep in mind is that masturbation and porn is a habit. And habits, can be notoriously difficult to change. Every time we engage in a behavior, our brain circuitry for that particular behavior expands. After years of performing that behavior, our brain becomes wired for that activity.

IT IS A MARATHON NOT A RACE
There really is no shortcuts when it comes to rebooting. The process will take effort, time, and investment on our parts. A mile into the forest is a mile out. There are no quick fixes, no shortcuts. A lot of us have been PMing for many years. It is simply unrealistic to expect successful lasting change from day 1. Everyone's success will come at different times. For me personally, I started to see results and consistent streaks over 3 days after about 6 months.

HORSES ANALOGY
A good analogy I ran across is that of a race horse vs. a work horse when it comes to getting to 90 days.



A race horse expands a lot of energy at first but then quickly burns out. A work horse is slow and steady yet very reliable and keeps moving forward over the long haul.

When it comes to breaking free from masturbation/porn addition and trying to hit that 90 day mark it is best to see ourselves as a workhorse. We must be steady, consistent, and most importantly, patient with ourselves. It's not enough to get pumped up, set your counter then forget about the whole thing. This challenge will require consistent dedication and attention. Decades of porn and masturbation has deeply entrenched bad brain circuitry into our brain. We should be realistic. It will take time to shrink that circuitry and build better, healthier pathways.

DISPELLING LIMITING BELIEFS CAN BE A BARRIER TO SUCCESS

It is important to address and dispel any limiting beliefs that can potentially be holding us back. I would suggest writing them down so it is possible to review them later. Here are some of mine:

LIMITING BELIEF 1: I've tried hundreds of times and failed! Overcoming porn/masturbation is a lost cause!
RESPONSE: I struggled withing quitting PM because I did not have the experience, knowledge, and tools to deal with this cunning and powerful addiction. Now I do. With consistent time patience, and effort, I will succeed! I have been trying hard but not trying smart.

LIMITING BELIEF 2: I'm not trying hard enough!
RESPONSE: Avoidance and consistent battling with myself only makes the problem worse. A different approach is more useful (will be explained in later modules)

In the next module I will talk about triggers and the most important tool we have to combat porn/masturbation

 

♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛PART 3: ESTABLISHING A HEALTHY ATTITUDE TOWARD A REBOOT♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛♛


Sorry guys, it's been awhile. I'm going to try to do a module per week from now on.

If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle. ― Sun Tzu, The Art of War


PMO addiction is hard to beat. Knowing how it works can help us win and maintain the upper hand.

Addiction to porn and/or masturbation is a habit that carries negative consequences. When we talk about habits the one major player that comes up is... (intensifying drum roll) the brain!


(I love this picture so much, I couldn't resist! The brain in its true glory haha)

THE TWO MAJOR PLAYERS

To understand what happens to us and our brain when addiction takes root, it helps to imagine that we have not one brain, but two. There is the emotional brain which is comprised of the limbic system, the more primitive part of our brain. And then there is the thinking brain which is comprised of lobes such as the prefrontal cortex.

If we were to imagine these brains as people with personalities they would have character traits similar to those below:

THINKING BRAIN: attention oriented, logical, reasoning, a decision maker, weights consequences, pursues goals, a natural leader, self disciplined, self controlled. When the thinking brain is in control you can confidently say that you are headed in the right direction.

EMOTIONAL BRAIN: reactive, impulsive, dramatic, emotional (you would have never guessed it). When faced with negative emotions or stress it wants to dominate and take control over the whole show. This part of the brain motivates us to take immediate action against emotions like fear, arousal, craving, depression, anger, etc. It demands the quickest response possible. It's important to note that the emotional brain is not bad. One of its many priorities is to protect us against danger and maintain homeostasis. This part of our brain is more primitive and tends to overreact. It doesn't know what's better for us in the moment because it carries no understanding of consequence.

So we have two brains, what's the big deal?
Here is a cool animated video that highlights the next important point.



WHAT HAPPENS DURING A RELAPSE OR A CRAVING?

The video is shot in a different context but it nevertheless demonstrates an important point for this discussion--sometimes our two brains don't work well together. And when that happens various problems can emerge, failed dates and addictions being just two examples.

How does our head malfunction during an urge or relapse? First, there is always a trigger to start the chain of unfortunate events--usually a strong emotion. It may be stress, loneliness, anger, etc. That emotion is always negative and uncomfortable. Once we get triggered, the emotional brain that is loud, impulsive, and dramatic, starts taking over. It starts demanding a remedy that would most quickly help numb or alleviate the present feeling. For us glorious fapstronauts, watching porn and/or masturbating tends to be on top of the list for how to get that dirty quick fix.

Now--just like in the video--the thinking brain might try to intervene and take back control of the mental command systems. However, with the agitation, the stress, and the history of dozens of times of giving in, the thinking brain just doesn't hold the advantage the emotional brain does. So after a mental fight (which by the way usually drains a ton of willpower, and only causes more stress) the thinking brain would recede defeated and the emotional brain would then proceed to execute the dirty deed.

Once the desired outcome of porn/mastrubation/orgasm/whaterver is experienced, enormous waves of dopamine are released washing us over like a tidal wave. That contributes to an intense feeling of pleasure and calmness.



The feelings of stress thus gets numbed and relieved, temporarily, of course. The emotional brain then wipes the sweat off its forehead and steps back and the thinking brain is left there thinking how he left the whole thing happen--again.

SO WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO JUST NOT BLOODY DO IT?!

I hope it makes sense now why abstaining and not engaging in PMO can be difficult. Once our emotional brain gains control over us, it starts running its agenda of getting us that quick fix. It doesn't care about the consequences and all the reasons and all the promises we have made to ourselves (and maybe to others). In this particular situation, it only cares about making us feel good as fast as possible, whatever it takes.

I'd encourage you guys to observe yourselves and pay attention as you notice yourselves slipping at various times. Notice how your mind tends to start clouding the moment the urge hits--a sign of the emotional brain taking control. And the deeper this state gets the harder it becomes to navigate out of the quickly closing dark hole...

***

In the next module we will be discussing how to actually use this knowledge to our advantage. I'll be introducing and explaining some practical steps on what we can actually do to help us get through those rocky need-to-do-it-right-now times.

Hope this module helped shed some more understanding about PMO addiction and why it's so bloody difficult to quit



Till next time!
Dre

 

@frankpyle , that's awesome to hear, I'm glad you enjoyed reading! I also feel that I'm able to be a lot more present and engaged with people that are important in my life. When I PMO I would tend to withdraw more and become more introverted and self conscious. Dropping PMO allows me to be more on the outside of my head in the world which is an amazing superpower or perk