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Day 85 - Sennin Mode

 

Day 1

Had a few strong urges today but overall a pretty chill day.

Here's a wholesome video for anyone who needs it. I've just been watching this video basically on loop and it literally never gets old

 

Day 13
Another brick laid.

 

I relapsed again just now. I've been so stressed and just been stuck in thought loops about my first therapy session on Tuesday. All that stress made my appetite completely disappear so I literally haven't eaten anything all day and that then caused stress because I haven't eaten, so then the vicious cycle began: Stress about therapy = urge, stress and anxiety and urges = loss of appetite, loss of appetite = stress and anxiety, stress and anxiety = urge.
I'll bring up these recent stress related relapses to my therapist during the first session. I know that things will get better once I start the therapy but it's still super super scary building up to it. I was originally planning on making my goal to not relapse until I at least had the first session but I'm getting overwhelmed with all of these thought loops, this stress and anxiety.
It's so frustrating because I know it will be ok and that once I start the session I'll realise it's perfectly fine and it will be great but my brain just keeps force feeding me these negative thoughts about her judging me, me revealing too much information, her thinking I'm a bad person for the things my addiction has escalated to watching or just simply the therapy not working and I end up being stuck like this forever.
These urges are getting so strong to the point that I literally feel like I'm going to throw up. I feel sick, like I'm having a panic attack (that might sound dramatic but it's truly how I feel) so even if I manage to quiet my mind the physical symptoms remain so it doesn't really make any difference because the physical symptoms cause my addiction voice to keep coming back anyways. I'm just so lost right now, and ironically the therapy will hopefully be the thing that helps me to find myself again, to find my path. But until then, I assume that I'll remain being stressed for the next couple of days until that first session, I think I just need to come to terms with that instead of constantly trying to desperately fight it otherwise it'll consume me even that it already has.

 

Day 86 - Sennin Mode

 

Eternal Mangekyou Sharingan
starts at day 85

I'm at day 14, sitting in front of the TV chowing on some veggies.
Weekends are tough, the first one was definitely the worst so far.

 

Day 86 - Eternal Mangekyou Sharigan

 

509 days no PMO, semen retention

 

Good to see you right back on track. I'm very happy for it my friend.

 

Day 87 - Eternal Mangekyou Sharigan

 

Day 1

I wasn't feeling great this morning but after a really nice meditation session, showering and going out on my usual daily walk, I felt a little better. I'm still nervous about tomorrow but no where near as nervous as I was in the previous few days. Same as yesterday, I haven't really eaten much today due to anxiety about the therapy, plus urges. But after the session tomorrow it should hopefully be back to normal once I realise it's all perfectly fine.

 

Day 15
I have been slacking on my morning standing meditation and qigong. My nofap journey is going well, very well, which makes me very concerned about the other shoe dropping.
Wish me luck!!!

 

510 days no PMO, semen retention

 

day 149 of no porn
Ever since I have started college I have had no urges. Its been about a month. Its probably been the easiest streak i have ever done I rarely even get erections I think its due to the amount of stuff I constantly have to be doing, and there's rarely any boring times. I know Im gonna reach 90 days for sure. This is gonna be the time.

 

Day 88 - Eternal Mangekyou Sharigan